Fixation

Hi,
I'm going through a really hard time right now and any help you could give me would be grealy appreciated.
Let me start by saying that I used to be a heavy drug user.
I used to do a variety of drugs on a regular basis, I smoked skunk daily and on the weekends I consumed copious amounts of coke, pills and speed.
I also dabbled in a few other drugs "just to try": ketamine, LSD and mushrooms to name a few.

I knew I needed to stop, but couldn't, however I was forced into quitting when I joined the Royal Navy in December 2007.
I've been clean since then, despite having long periods of leave where I could have potentially gotten away with doing drugs.

All of a sudden I REALLY want to do some coke or pills.
I'm at the beginning of a 5 week leave period and I keep saying to myself I could get away with it.
Does this mean if I ever leave the forces I will instantly go back to my old way of life and start taking drugs?

If I took drugs now, and got caught, I would be screwed. Big time.
I want to stay off the drugs for good, not just because my job is at stake.
But even now, that it would cost me my job, friends and most definitely my family I am finding it incredibly hard to abstain from doing them.

Why is it all of a sudden?
Will it ever go away away for good?
Has anybody been in a similar situation to what I'm going through now and have any advice to give me?

Your thoughts would be appreciated.
Many thanks

chrisinaustin

Well, it's probably not "all of the sudden" -- you mention there were a bunch of periods that you could have gotten away with it. That makes me think it's been in your mind all along. It's a mental obsession. It's always on, even when you're not aware of it, always plotting for a moment that might "work". It seemingly has stumbled on one now and has ramped up it's efforts to get what it wants.

Advice? I got the point where my obsession won. I was toast. I had had to be honest with everyone and get help. It's everywhere you look, believe it or not.

Dee74

Hi Fixation

Welcome to SR

I don't believe recovery is necessarily linear - I've been sober since 2007 as well, but I've had moments of intense desire to 'step off the curb' more than once since then.

One thing I learned from reading here is - just because I feel it, doesn't mean I have to act on it.

I think it's natural to have some flashback to old desires, especially when you smoked and drank as long as I did, but it's not natural for me to give into those cravings now - I have a life predicated on me being clean and sober - giving into cravings is not an option.

Reading and posting here daily helps me remember what I'm doing this for...I've also worked very hard at various other areas in my life that drinking and drugtaking masked for so many years. Stopping the drinking or the drugs is seldom enough to stay stopped, in my experience.

None of us do this alone. Did you undergo any programme or did you just give up cold turkey?

You may find a support network of use - AA/NA is probably the predominant face to face peer support system but there are many others....counselling is also an option, and of course SR is always here 24/7.

Hope you'll use us more
see you around

D

coffeenut

Welcome to SR.....please stick around the site. Do some reading and posting. There is help here.

vegibean

Hi Fixation. I have been sober for almost two years now. The obsession to pick up and use is gone however I also find in my life that I am challenged with other ideas that I "want" to partake in. For me it's about realizing what is going to be a good or bad choice. What are my consequences going to be? Good or bad? It isn't necessarily alcohol that I can use as an escape, there are other temptations out there, and NOT in anyway related with using.

It's a choice, think it through, that's what I do for me. Sometimes we want what we want, but it's what we need that out weighs those wants.

Also, just for today, this minute, hour, etc. Good luck!!!

CarolD

For me to stay sober....alcohol was by far my destructive substance
I found AA has been an awesome adventure.

While you are on leave...I certainly hope you will check out your
local NA meetings. And of course....keep posting with us...

Welcome to our recovery community....

Wolfchild