beatrix

The same evening when he slammed the divorce papers on the table, he discovered that the fridge was not working. I hadn't noticed that since I hadn't opened it for a few hours. He just starts yelling at me how stupid I was that I didn't even notice that the fridge was warm and how lazy I was that I couldn't even call the landlord. He yelled and called me f.. bitch etc that long that I was ready to hit him. And he was standing there with his fists ready to hit me back. I think he was hoping that I would hit him, because how bad could it be, I haven't hit anybody in my life, I don't even know how an, it would have given him a justified reason finally to hit me.
Then his friend came by and they sat behind the house. The friend left and I looked out from bathroom window and didn't see anybody, I thought he left with his friend. It was dark outside also. Then I heard the dog wanting in, I opened the door and saw him laying on the ground. I kinda freaked and asked what was going on. He woke up and said that he was sleeping, anything that keeps him away from me. On the stone tile ground. soon after he came in though and acted as nothing ever happened. Even said that he was sorry for yelling at me.
The next day was calm, but yesterday he came home after work, and can you imagine, I picked the worst time to talk about the bill we have to pay. He was just trying to do his "fatherly duties" what means that he was going to play with baby for ten minutes and then I ruined it all. And he's just yelling and yelling. When I try to say something he would yell "CAN I FINISH???". And then I told him that he doesn't need to tolerate me that much longer because I was leaving. For the record, I don't say things that I don't mean, first time I ever mentioned it was the divorce paper day. He on the other hand has thrown his ring in the corner and threatened with the divorce countless times before. His main concern about my leaving was that now I have made him looking as an a.. in the eyes of his family. And of course I am f.. green card hunting ***** and the guys from his work hate me too for what I am doing to him.
All this actually just makes it easier for me to leave. When I was thinking about that I have to catch him sober and have a talk about my leaving, I kinda felt guilty to hurt his feelings or whatever. Now I just have to get my stuff together and get out of here as soon as possible. I have the support of my friends and even some strangers, which has been very helpful realizing that leaving is really my only option.

GiveLove

You have the support of everyone here too, beatrix.

No one should have to tolerate that kind of abuse and chaos and drama - no one.

There is a better life waiting for you out there, beyond this horrible situation. YOU ARE SAVING YOUR OWN LIFE BY LEAVING, and you are worth any inconvenience leaving may cause.

transformyself

You are married to my AH. We have played the same scenes over and over in our home, 1200 miles away.

When you recognized this feeling, try saying the following things:
I am leaving him now
This is MY choice.
I am free of you and your toxic behaviors
This is all for my and my childs greater good.

These four sentences allowed me to leave my crazy abusive alchoholic.

I'm very glad you're getting out of there.