I am so disgusted with myself..
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Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 598
I am so disgusted with myself..
I have tried to start 5 posts but each time I am so ashamed that I live with someone who is so horrible to me I can't even write. I dont' even want to hear it myself. I am pathetic.... Everyone tells me he is such a loser..he curses and yells at me and throws things at me...What the hell is wroing with me.................He is not working- I am successful in real estate.. I am happy ..he is always negative. What the hell is wrong with me.
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Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: In the barn
Posts: 324
Originally Posted by Redheadsusie 
I have tried to start 5 posts but each time I am so ashamed that I live with someone who is so horrible to me I can't even write. I dont' even want to hear it myself. I am pathetic.... Everyone tells me he is such a loser..he curses and yells at me and throws things at me...What the hell is wroing with me.................He is not working- I am successful in real estate.. I am happy ..he is always negative. What the hell is wrong with me.
It is sad that he treats you that way. I would ask not what is wrong with you, because we have all been in the position of being in relationships with people who are not nice to us (or we wouldn't be here on SR!) but what exactly is it that keeps you there. Are you going to Al Anon? Do you have a counselor? Is the way that he treats you the way you want to be treated in a relationship? If not, then what is it you can do to be in an environment where you are not abused? Because what he is doing IS abuse, plain and simple.
Buy "Codependent No More" if you have not already.
Hugs to you.
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Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 25
i think the ashamed part is a big part of it. at least it is for me. you feel so embarressed that you could get into this situation, you can barely admit it to yourself, let alone anyone else. and they are right, its not you, its him (as cliche as it sounds) i guess i knew it all along, but i read in some posts how often what they are saying to you is what they feel about themselves and for some reason that helps, as i hear the negative comments, i just flip things in my head, if that makes sense
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Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Stumbling toward happiness
Posts: 4,706
Susie,
Why do you think you allow this to go on? If he were a stranger, would you let him treat you like this? If he were treating a daughter or a girlfriend like this, would you let him?
Counseling saved my life. It helped get really understand why I was doing what I was doing -- WITHOUT JUDGMENT AND WITHOUT SHAME.
There is a reason why you're living this way instead of saving yourself. A counselor can help you figure out what that reason is - what you're getting out of it - and can help you find other, healthier ways to get it.
Will you at least think about making an appointment?
Why do you think you allow this to go on? If he were a stranger, would you let him treat you like this? If he were treating a daughter or a girlfriend like this, would you let him?
Counseling saved my life. It helped get really understand why I was doing what I was doing -- WITHOUT JUDGMENT AND WITHOUT SHAME.
There is a reason why you're living this way instead of saving yourself. A counselor can help you figure out what that reason is - what you're getting out of it - and can help you find other, healthier ways to get it.
Will you at least think about making an appointment?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 598
I am really good at being a good friend and a Great Mom and my kids are so supportive and my friends nice! It is obviously something in me that is not right. I have read co dependent no more. This is AH #2. First one was at least nice and funny and spent time with me. We still talk about our kids and are good parents. I don't feel like I can talk to my friends or anyone though as I am ashamed and so I just dont' call them . My parents are both alcoholics actively drinking - my Dad with stage 4 cancer and my mom with advanced emphysema. It is really hard. I don't feel like I can tell anyone this piddly crap with all that is going on - as they are dying. I feel guilty. I am so sad. My AH told me I was "using the dying parent card" WTF is that?
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Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Clearfield
Posts: 52
Hi Redhead,
Sometimes it's hard to make changes, knowing the situation
is unhealthy. Sometimes, we don't know how to change,
because were use to doing the same thing over, and over again.
There's no reason for you or me, to be treated just or anykind of
way. But, I tell you this. It is up to you if you want to put up
with it, deal with it, and or live with in the kind of situation.
To love yourself is so much more. Then to be treated that way.
If you want something different, then it's up to you to make
the change or changes. He's not doing it. You do have a choice.
I have live it and had that experiences. Today recovery has taught
me to Love myself, and to make choices. Make healthier choices.
Remember your not alone.
Wish you well.
Sometimes it's hard to make changes, knowing the situation
is unhealthy. Sometimes, we don't know how to change,
because were use to doing the same thing over, and over again.
There's no reason for you or me, to be treated just or anykind of
way. But, I tell you this. It is up to you if you want to put up
with it, deal with it, and or live with in the kind of situation.
To love yourself is so much more. Then to be treated that way.
If you want something different, then it's up to you to make
the change or changes. He's not doing it. You do have a choice.
I have live it and had that experiences. Today recovery has taught
me to Love myself, and to make choices. Make healthier choices.
Remember your not alone.
Wish you well.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 159
I was ashamed and covered for him for a long time. Until I realized I could only sve myself and he is going to do what he wants to no matter. Get out, he's abusive and it doesn't get any better without recovery and anger management. Men like this are just full of rage. When you leave he will just find another enabler who will take that crap until they wise up and leave too. It's almost impossible to have a relationship with someone like this. And anyway - YOU DESERVE BETTER!!!! You are a successful woman - show him the STRONG WOMAN who knows that crap is not acceptable anymore in your life!!
My soon to be ex- husband is in jail along with his crackwhore, both in for the same serious charges. See he just moved on and found someone who would go along with his program. He also has an extra charge of domestic violence for beating her a** which I told her he would do, and he did. I miss him sometimes but just feel the feeling and let it pass. Our divorce will be final in November and I'm looking forward to what awaits me in life. Start making some plans to bring this chapter of your life to a close and something wonderful awaits you!!
Counseling and Alanon would probably be beneficial in some way. We all have felt the feelings you are feeling, you are not trapped and can make a change when you're ready. I've been married for 18 yrs. to my childhood sweetheart and I don't know who this man is anymore and more importantly I don't want to know. There are no more chances because I deserve better. If he's doing the things you said in the beginning of your post, those things are not acceptable at all and it probably won't be long before it esclates. Take care and watch your back, pay attention to your surroundings at all times. What a way to live - I remember those days and I remember them as really dark days and almost the feeling of being a trapped animal. You are in my parayers tonight. Chack back in and let us know how you are doing
All of this said with care and concern
My soon to be ex- husband is in jail along with his crackwhore, both in for the same serious charges. See he just moved on and found someone who would go along with his program. He also has an extra charge of domestic violence for beating her a** which I told her he would do, and he did. I miss him sometimes but just feel the feeling and let it pass. Our divorce will be final in November and I'm looking forward to what awaits me in life. Start making some plans to bring this chapter of your life to a close and something wonderful awaits you!!
Counseling and Alanon would probably be beneficial in some way. We all have felt the feelings you are feeling, you are not trapped and can make a change when you're ready. I've been married for 18 yrs. to my childhood sweetheart and I don't know who this man is anymore and more importantly I don't want to know. There are no more chances because I deserve better. If he's doing the things you said in the beginning of your post, those things are not acceptable at all and it probably won't be long before it esclates. Take care and watch your back, pay attention to your surroundings at all times. What a way to live - I remember those days and I remember them as really dark days and almost the feeling of being a trapped animal. You are in my parayers tonight. Chack back in and let us know how you are doing
All of this said with care and concern
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Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: behind the viewfinder...
Posts: 6,278
Originally Posted by Redheadsusie
It is obviously something in me that is not right.
L
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Stumbling toward happiness
Posts: 4,706
My AH told me I was "using the dying parent card" WTF is that?
One of our members has a good line in her signature line: When the pain of remaining the same finally exceeds the pain of making a change, then you will change.
When you're tired of living like this, there are a thousand and one ways to get out. But first you have to decide that, no matter what anyone else says, you want something better for yourself. Hope that day comes soon! We will always be here to help.
Hugs,
GL
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