sailorjohn

I would ignore the pediatricians' advice and look for counseling.

Cowgirl1265

I agree with John, you can check into counseling.

I know with my kids, 5 & 8, that the first few weeks after the separation were REALLY bad behavior-wise. While we still have challenges, things *are* getting better.

One thing that my counselor reinforced with me is that kids are remarkably good at trying to play parents against each other. Despite our other problems, my H and I were in agreement on not letting them push our buttons in regards to parenting time or overnights. If one of the kids says "no, I don't want to go to daddy's!" (or mommy's), we both support the other parent by saying "this is daddy's time with you" or "this is mommy's time with you" and taking them anyway. One time my daughter did call, she was having a particularly bad night and had been fighting with her brother all evening. She wanted to come home and my H wanted her to go as he was exhausted from their battles, so I went and got her. But otherwise, we enforce the parenting time that we agreed upon and as we go forward, it has gotten easier. The kids have learned that mom and dad are aligned on this and that they aren't going to play us against each one another.

My H has a son whose mother would never enforce parenting time. He'd often not get his EOW visitation because the kid "wanted to play with his friends" or "didn't feel like coming," which are BS excuses as far as I'm concerned. I think it was wrong of her to not enforce my H's parenting time, so I'm highly sensitive to making sure he gets his fair share of time with our kids. At the same time, I know he has issues and I make sure I'm talking a lot to the kids and that they have access to a phone with my number preprogrammed into it so that they can call me if something goes horribly awry.

Daisy30

I agree my kids were 1, 3 and 11 when AH and I seperated. We were having lots of meltdowns initially. My AH only has supervised visits with the kids. Change is very stressful for kids, especially when they cannot articulate their feeling very well.
I think counceling would be a good thing.
Kids know what is going on. I told my 3 year old (at the time) That daddy was sick and that he needed help. That is why we had to leave. She still remembers his behaviors and things that happened when he was drinking and can tense up pretty quick if he puts us in a similiar situation.

My AH was recently in the hospital for suicide threat also. I told the younger kids again that daddy was sick and he needed to be in the hospital to get well. Also that we could not visit him while he was there. I told my now 12 year old, the mature version .

I think it is also important to stress to the kids that it is not their fault. ((((hugs)))

Jadmack25

I agree that a suitably qualified counsellor would help both you and your children at this time. Someone who knows addiction and is trained to work with children, but is willing to keep you in the picture as well.

God bless

intheknow

When our son came to live at our house, he was three and in foster care. He had a weekly counseling appointment every Tuesday at 10am. Initially, I wondered how effective counseling for a three year old could be.

I have never again doubted the effectiveness of it. We had a wonderful counselor who, through play therapy, worked with my son until he could handle all the things he was thinking and feeling and the anger and resentment he felt was replaced by love. She also taught me how to deal with my feelings, what to look for in him, how to deal with his feelings, and all around how to look at things for what they really were. We went weekly for almost two years. Today, he is a happy, healthy, well adjusted child. (he is almost 9)

One of the ironic things she told me was that I was being too nice, giving him too many chances to correct his bad behavior and it would get me no-where fast. She told me to give him one opportunity, and if not corrected there would be immediate consequence.

Oh, what would have happened if I had followed that same advice with AH?