justtakestime

I feel as if I'm repeating myself on my posts. But these last couple of weeks have been really hard for me. I have been sepaated from my AH since May 1st. He has been through 3 rehabs and some mental health admissions in the last 9 months. We lost our house and me and the kids got an apartment. We are doing GREAT!!!!! But when my AH found out that I had spoke to my attorney about divorce he became SUPER DAD/HUSBAND!! I know in my heart that it won't last long......but then I feel guilty that I'm not just opening my heart and letting him back in. I've told him that I love and care for him and I always will but that I'm not IN LOVE with him. I have moved on. He calls or comes over every night....says he's trying to do everything he can to make me fall in love with him again.......but I just don't know if that's possible. Then last night he kept calling and calling about stupid stuff. I finally turned the ringer off and do you know what he did???? At midnight he calls his 15 year old son and his 10 year old daughters phones!!!!! On a school night!!!! HOW RUDE !!!!!! All because I didn't answer so he could tell me goodnight!!!! UGH!!! He says I make him want to kill himself and that he has no one and he is lonely....blah blah blah..... How do I overcome the guilt???? And the feeling sorry for him!!! I was doing so much better when I didn't see or talk to him much!!!

Bernadette

Easy Does It!

Spell it out for him. Once. Say what you mean, mean what you say, but don't say it mean. "As I previously indicated, I have moved on. I don't answer my phone because I do not wish to speak with you so frequently. Please do not call the children after (whatever their bedtime is) they need their sleep to be relaxed and do well in school."

He says I make him want to kill himself and that he has no one and he is lonely.

This is blatant manipulation. If he says that again you can say "I have been told to take suicide threats seriously. Suicide is much much bigger than me so I will call 911 if you tell me you are going to kill yourself because that's all I am qualified to do."

Justtakestime- your name says it all- it takes time and consistency on your part for change to occur in your life. He will continue to quack and fuss - but reassure yourself this has nothing to do with you and you did not do this to him- he brought all this on himself and only he can reach out for PROFESSIONAL help and follow directions and get better. There is nothing you can do about that.

Alcoholics/addicts prey on our guilt feelings all the time. The world turns upside down until we feel like we ARE responsible for THEIR problems. But it simply is not true. It is NOT true.

Deep breath justtakestime-- you are doing the right thing for you and your children! It's not easy, but it is worth it.
peace-
b

Jadmack25

Can't say it any better than Bernadette just did.

God bless

Trying2Fly

It sounds like in your heart that you DO know what you need to do for you and your children. I know it's so difficult sometimes, but you will get through this.

Hugs.

justtakestime

YES!!!! I get the idea!!! Tha made me crack up laughing actually!!!!! Thank you soooo much you guys!!! It helps me so much to be reminded!!!!

harleyd101

Such obvious manipulation. Here's something for you...when I got clean, I was remorseful for the things I had done to people. I went to meetings sometimes 3 times a day. I worked a program. I worked the steps. I wanted to make everything right with the people that I had hurt, but I knew that would take time, so I worked on myself and didn't pester people to get back into their lives. I respected the fact that I had done a lot of damage, and I had hurt a lot of people, and not everyone was jumping with joy that I was clean. There was a lot of wreckage. I believe I can safetly say this man is not concentrating on his recovery, he is still looking to YOU to fix him. Since codependents live in guilt and shame, all he is doing is yanking your guilt string. Cut it. Cut the cord. He's on his own, and if he wants recovery, he will find it. If he's quacking, it won't be long before he's using again.

Stay strong my friend....you are living your life and you don't owe anyone an apology for doing that. You have every right to feel the way you feel! Be happy!!! You've earned it!!!!

Jadmack25

If he has trouble understanding the English word NO, perhaps you could send him the word as it is about 5000 languages.
Here's some samples of languages beginning with A.

Abasakur (Papua New Guinea) Oya
Afrikaans (Southern Africa) Nee
Afrikaans (Southern Africa) Geen
Albanian (Albania, Yugoslavia) Jo
Alsacian (Alsace France) Ne
Altai (Russia) Jok
Alyawarr (Australia) Arangkwa
Amharic (Ethiopia) Yelem
Amis (Taiwan) Cuwa
Amuzgo (Oaxaca & Guerrero Mexico) Ti
Anindilyakwa (Australia) Nari
Anglo-Saxon (England) Na
Apache (Arizona USA) Dah
Apabhramsha (India) Ma
Apuchikwar (India) Poyeda
Arabic (Middle East, North Africa) Lay
Arberesh (Sicily Italy) Jo
Ariti (Brazil) Maiçá
Armenian (Armenia, Russia, Middle East) Voch
Armenian [Eastern] (Armenia) Che
Asante (Ghana) Daabí
Ashkun (Afghanistan) Ma
Assyrian (Iran, Iraq, Syria) La
Asturian (Spain) Non
Ateso (Uganda) Mam
Auca (Ecuador) Ba
Auca (Ecuador) Wín
Awa (Papua New Guinea) Aqa
Awakabal (Australia) Keawai
Aymará (Bolivia, Peru, Chile) Janiwa
Azerbaijani (Azerbaijan, Iran) Yox

God bless