Language of Letting Go - Oct. 1 - Be Who You Are
Nature Girl
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Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Language of Letting Go - Oct. 1 - Be Who You Are
You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go
Be Who You Are
In recovery; we're learning a new behavior. It's called Be Who You Are.
For some of us, this can be frightening. What would happen if we felt what we felt, said what we wanted, became firm about our beliefs, and valued what we needed? What would happen if we let go of our camouflage of adaptation? What would happen if we owned our power to be ourselves?
Would people still like us? Would they go away? Would they become angry?
There comes a time when we become willing and ready to take that risk. To continue growing, and living with ourselves, we realize we must liberate ourselves. It becomes time to stop allowing ourselves to be so controlled by others and their expectations and be true to ourselves - regardless of the reaction of others.
Before long, we begin to understand. Some people may go away, but the relationship would have ended anyway. Some people stay and love and respect us more for taking the risk of being whom we are. We begin to achieve intimacy, and relationships that work.
We discover that who we are has always been good enough. It is who we were intended to be.
Today, I will own my power to be myself.
From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation.
Be Who You Are
In recovery; we're learning a new behavior. It's called Be Who You Are.
For some of us, this can be frightening. What would happen if we felt what we felt, said what we wanted, became firm about our beliefs, and valued what we needed? What would happen if we let go of our camouflage of adaptation? What would happen if we owned our power to be ourselves?
Would people still like us? Would they go away? Would they become angry?
There comes a time when we become willing and ready to take that risk. To continue growing, and living with ourselves, we realize we must liberate ourselves. It becomes time to stop allowing ourselves to be so controlled by others and their expectations and be true to ourselves - regardless of the reaction of others.
Before long, we begin to understand. Some people may go away, but the relationship would have ended anyway. Some people stay and love and respect us more for taking the risk of being whom we are. We begin to achieve intimacy, and relationships that work.
We discover that who we are has always been good enough. It is who we were intended to be.
Today, I will own my power to be myself.
From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation.
Nature Girl
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
I was so lost in my codependency that I totally lost sight of who I was, what I wanted out of life and what MY dreams for my future might be.
In recovery, I got to know that stranger called "me" and I found that I liked her, warts and all. She wasn't perfect, but she no longer needed to be. She was beautiful inside and let that be enough. Most of all, she was a dreamer, a poet, a person who could walk the beach and kick up the sand dancing on the shore. Who knew?
I have found my own values and am willing today to stand for them...even when I stand alone.
Hugs
P.S. Small picture of this codie called Ann dancing on the shore last fall while vacationing with some dear codie friends I made here and whose friendships I will cherish as we each feel free to be ourselves.
In recovery, I got to know that stranger called "me" and I found that I liked her, warts and all. She wasn't perfect, but she no longer needed to be. She was beautiful inside and let that be enough. Most of all, she was a dreamer, a poet, a person who could walk the beach and kick up the sand dancing on the shore. Who knew?
I have found my own values and am willing today to stand for them...even when I stand alone.
Hugs
P.S. Small picture of this codie called Ann dancing on the shore last fall while vacationing with some dear codie friends I made here and whose friendships I will cherish as we each feel free to be ourselves.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Tulsa, OK
Posts: 72
I grew up in a codie and verbally/emotionally abusive home. There was never a "me" to lose sight of. That was a sobering and sad realization, and has been tough to accept. Its so painful when you realize the extent and depth of your brokenness. But in my healing/recovery, I am slowly trying to peel back the layers of dysfunction - that have been all I have ever known - and trying to discover who "me" is....tiny piece by tiny piece. Its scary....and I feel lost a lot....because I don't have an "old me" that I'm trying to get back to....there's no "home base"....no "center" to anchor me so to speak....but I make myself keep going forward, and I give my fear of no anchor and fear of the lost feeling to God, because I HAVE to resolve this. I HAVE to find "me". I HAVE to find the anchor. I CANNOT go through another 40 years like the last 40.
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Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: In my little piece of heaven
Posts: 2,870
Ann,
This is one of the greatest gifts I have received from recovery - shedding all of the definitions & expectations that other people put upon me and being able to redefine myself! When I was initially out of my A relationship, I was lost. I had no clue what I liked, but I could tell you everything about his likes and dislikes. At first it was intimidating, but ultimately I found it quite exhiliarating to learn about ME! I could "try on" a new behavior, a new book, a type of movie I had never enjoyed before, and I could decide if it "fit" me or not.
Today I can say that, like Ann, I like me warts and all!
This is one of the greatest gifts I have received from recovery - shedding all of the definitions & expectations that other people put upon me and being able to redefine myself! When I was initially out of my A relationship, I was lost. I had no clue what I liked, but I could tell you everything about his likes and dislikes. At first it was intimidating, but ultimately I found it quite exhiliarating to learn about ME! I could "try on" a new behavior, a new book, a type of movie I had never enjoyed before, and I could decide if it "fit" me or not.
Today I can say that, like Ann, I like me warts and all!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 1,287
Originally Posted by Ann 
Would people still like us? Would they go away? Would they become angry?
There comes a time when we become willing and ready to take that risk. To continue growing, and living with ourselves, we realize we must liberate ourselves. It becomes time to stop allowing ourselves to be so controlled by others and their expectations and be true to ourselves - regardless of the reaction of others.
We discover that who we are has always been good enough. It is who we were intended to be.
Today, I will own my power to be myself.
From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation.
There comes a time when we become willing and ready to take that risk. To continue growing, and living with ourselves, we realize we must liberate ourselves. It becomes time to stop allowing ourselves to be so controlled by others and their expectations and be true to ourselves - regardless of the reaction of others.
We discover that who we are has always been good enough. It is who we were intended to be.
Today, I will own my power to be myself.
From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation.
I had lived sooooo long trying to please others, to gain the approval of those around me, that I forgot to take care of myself, to trust myself, to believe in ME.
There are many gifts I have found since I started to work on myself but one of the best was letting go of trying to be who THEY wanted me to be and to start being who I wanted ME to be.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: FL
Posts: 14,246
Would people still like us? Would they go away? Would they become angry?
What I learn in Al-Anon helps me live out what I always knew and believed since I was a young woman, about my self worth. My value rests upon who I _am_ not what I _do_; and whether I improve upon either of those my value as person remains the same.
We discover that who we are has always been good enough. It is who we were intended to be.
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