Friend struggling with drug addiction
Only stepping forward
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Alabama, USA
Posts: 330
Friend struggling with drug addiction
I got a text from a close friend last night. We met a few months ago and really hit it off (not "date" hit it off but we have become really good, close friends). I care about him, a lot. Anyway. He sent me a text last night asking if I will come watch his dogs this weekend. I said of course I would and asked if everything was okay (his dogs are his WORLD--leaving somewhere without them is very odd for him). He said a couple friends of his are leaving out of town for a few days and he's going to their house to sit with their 18 year old son, who has some drug issues. He's told me about the kids problems in the past (and I saw the controlling tendencies both he and the kids parents are taking on). I guess the kid is having a sexual relationship with a 15 year old now and my friend is going to stay with the kid to make sure he doesn't see this girl. Basically, with all the stories he's told me, my friend and the kids parents are doing everything they possibly can to keep the kid from having any kind of legal action brought on him by his actions.
In the past when we've talked about the kid I've kept my mouth shut. I pretty much listened to him and said if he ever needed my help I am always here for him. I also said that I am going through the same and if the kids mom ever needed someone to talk to, by all means give her my email and/or phone and she can call me anytime. But last night it really hurt. Hearing the "plans" to get this kid on the right path, to keep him from seeing this girl, to have him under lock and key like some prisoner. It's hard for me to hear. I hear him talking exactly like I have in the past (the whole " there's GOT to be something I CAN do"). He's a good guy and I know if he keeps doing what he's doing his kind actions are going to kill him, emotionally.
I told him last night there is nothing he can do. He said yes, there is, he can have the kid attached to his side at all times. I told him yeah, he can do that. But the fact remains--where there's a will, there's a way. Talking to a determined drug addict is like talking to a brick wall. He said yeah, they've noticed that. I said the kid will do whatever it takes to get what he needs, even if that means physically hurting my friend. I said I just want him to be careful. He said thanks but I have to try. I said I understand but please remember two things--neither you nor his parents caused it, you nor his parents can control it and you nor his parents can change it. He jumped back oh yes we can. I stole a line from someone here--said healthy people can't make sick people healthy but sick people can make healthy people unhealthy. Pay attention to what you do and how you feel and know that I'm always here when you need me.
I sense that he got a little aggravated. Maybe even felt like I was trying to stop him from helping his friends (which is not it; living through this I know how much it can hurt). I am genuinely concerned for my friend, who wouldn't be.
What more is appropriate to do? I thought about printing up some narcanon stuff and sending it along with him. If he and/or the kids parents choose to read it, great. If not, oh well. I think I had a bunch of alanon stuff laying around for months before I finally picked it up and read it. That's all I'm thinking. Perhaps in time they'll do the same. If they don't then they don't. In the end, it is of course they're choice and whatever they choose doesn't affect me.
Any suggestions? Do I just step back? I can't fight their fight, I know that. Do I print out a few things, send it along with a local chapter number? Let them take what they want--or leave it all? What would be the appropriate thing?
In the past when we've talked about the kid I've kept my mouth shut. I pretty much listened to him and said if he ever needed my help I am always here for him. I also said that I am going through the same and if the kids mom ever needed someone to talk to, by all means give her my email and/or phone and she can call me anytime. But last night it really hurt. Hearing the "plans" to get this kid on the right path, to keep him from seeing this girl, to have him under lock and key like some prisoner. It's hard for me to hear. I hear him talking exactly like I have in the past (the whole " there's GOT to be something I CAN do"). He's a good guy and I know if he keeps doing what he's doing his kind actions are going to kill him, emotionally.
I told him last night there is nothing he can do. He said yes, there is, he can have the kid attached to his side at all times. I told him yeah, he can do that. But the fact remains--where there's a will, there's a way. Talking to a determined drug addict is like talking to a brick wall. He said yeah, they've noticed that. I said the kid will do whatever it takes to get what he needs, even if that means physically hurting my friend. I said I just want him to be careful. He said thanks but I have to try. I said I understand but please remember two things--neither you nor his parents caused it, you nor his parents can control it and you nor his parents can change it. He jumped back oh yes we can. I stole a line from someone here--said healthy people can't make sick people healthy but sick people can make healthy people unhealthy. Pay attention to what you do and how you feel and know that I'm always here when you need me.
I sense that he got a little aggravated. Maybe even felt like I was trying to stop him from helping his friends (which is not it; living through this I know how much it can hurt). I am genuinely concerned for my friend, who wouldn't be.
What more is appropriate to do? I thought about printing up some narcanon stuff and sending it along with him. If he and/or the kids parents choose to read it, great. If not, oh well. I think I had a bunch of alanon stuff laying around for months before I finally picked it up and read it. That's all I'm thinking. Perhaps in time they'll do the same. If they don't then they don't. In the end, it is of course they're choice and whatever they choose doesn't affect me.
Any suggestions? Do I just step back? I can't fight their fight, I know that. Do I print out a few things, send it along with a local chapter number? Let them take what they want--or leave it all? What would be the appropriate thing?
What would be the appropriate thing?
J M H O
Lots of love and hugs,
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