Nothing funny about this situation
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Southeast, MI
Posts: 17
Nothing funny about this situation
I am grateful for the sense of humor I’ve been given.
The situation that brought me to this website is clearly the most devastating event I’ve ever experienced. During one particularly deep plunge into despair I was struck out of the blue, by an irony that caused me to laugh out loud, and consequently pulled me out the hole I was in.
My RAW asked me not to tell our friends and my family that she was going into rehab. Normally she spends the summers with me (she lives overseas), but this year could only stay two weeks because she had to be in rehab the third week in June.
So, I concocted a clever little story, AKA a lie, which I told convincingly to all who asked. Don’t be judgmental. I know that was wrong, and I hated doing it, but I was protecting her. I figured I’d come clean to everybody when she came back more vibrant and sociable than ever.
When she returned to her home from rehab, she didn’t have much to say to me. In fact she was extremely distant and uncharacteristically guarded when we talked. “Give her some time to adjust,” I told myself. “Give her a break; she’s been through a very traumatic experience.” When two weeks passed and she was pulling farther and farther away I became a bobble head.
She didn’t say the words, but the message I got was “I don’t have time for you, and I don’t care how you feel about it.“
I’m thinking, “Hey, remember me, the guy who picked you off of the floor countless times; the guy who covered for you on countless occasions; the guy who LIED for you, remember? I am hurting big time. You’re the only one I can talk to about this (I’ve lied to everybody else) I need to talk.” Not only wasn’t she talking to me, she made me feel like a worthless POS in the process and absolutely knew It.
That may not seem funny to anybody else. It wasn’t funny to me either as it occurred, but I laugh about it now whenever I think about it.
For what it’s worth.
The situation that brought me to this website is clearly the most devastating event I’ve ever experienced. During one particularly deep plunge into despair I was struck out of the blue, by an irony that caused me to laugh out loud, and consequently pulled me out the hole I was in.
My RAW asked me not to tell our friends and my family that she was going into rehab. Normally she spends the summers with me (she lives overseas), but this year could only stay two weeks because she had to be in rehab the third week in June.
So, I concocted a clever little story, AKA a lie, which I told convincingly to all who asked. Don’t be judgmental. I know that was wrong, and I hated doing it, but I was protecting her. I figured I’d come clean to everybody when she came back more vibrant and sociable than ever.
When she returned to her home from rehab, she didn’t have much to say to me. In fact she was extremely distant and uncharacteristically guarded when we talked. “Give her some time to adjust,” I told myself. “Give her a break; she’s been through a very traumatic experience.” When two weeks passed and she was pulling farther and farther away I became a bobble head.
She didn’t say the words, but the message I got was “I don’t have time for you, and I don’t care how you feel about it.“
I’m thinking, “Hey, remember me, the guy who picked you off of the floor countless times; the guy who covered for you on countless occasions; the guy who LIED for you, remember? I am hurting big time. You’re the only one I can talk to about this (I’ve lied to everybody else) I need to talk.” Not only wasn’t she talking to me, she made me feel like a worthless POS in the process and absolutely knew It.
That may not seem funny to anybody else. It wasn’t funny to me either as it occurred, but I laugh about it now whenever I think about it.
For what it’s worth.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Southeast, MI
Posts: 17
I'm Sorry. I probably should have kept this one to myself.
What made me laugh was the picture that came to mind of my commitment to her -to the point of violating my own principles, and how that turned out to be completely meaningless to her, when all was said and done That is sad of course, but also humorous, in a dark way -to me anyway.
What made me laugh was the picture that came to mind of my commitment to her -to the point of violating my own principles, and how that turned out to be completely meaningless to her, when all was said and done That is sad of course, but also humorous, in a dark way -to me anyway.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 1,322
I don't think it's sad at all. I think it's healthy. You are starting to see how codependency makes YOU exhibit the same, "lying to yourself and others-type behaviors" that an addict/alcoholic practices. Just as you said, you violated your own principles (as do most A's, I would imagine) for the sake of your own addiction (her) and look where it took you -- even further down. Your codependency is/could be just as progressive as hers. And you recognized it. And you laughed. GOOD for you.
For me, LAUGHTER was the starting point of my own recovery. It is what pulled me UP from my own bottom. It got me back in touch with ME, a person who loves laughter and light, not darkness and despair. It helped me to see that life was worth living, and it could still feel good, even great, if I chose to make it so.
Laughter means EVERYTHING to me. It's a healing balm, a natural self-loving gesture I can give myself.
Good for you, Bremerbua. Keep up the good work, the good insights, and know that you are headed in the right direction
For me, LAUGHTER was the starting point of my own recovery. It is what pulled me UP from my own bottom. It got me back in touch with ME, a person who loves laughter and light, not darkness and despair. It helped me to see that life was worth living, and it could still feel good, even great, if I chose to make it so.
Laughter means EVERYTHING to me. It's a healing balm, a natural self-loving gesture I can give myself.
Good for you, Bremerbua. Keep up the good work, the good insights, and know that you are headed in the right direction
To thine own self be true.
Join Date: May 2009
Location: U.S.A.
Posts: 5,924
I don't know the right word to describe that kind of laughter, maybe a "cynical" laugh? Doesn't matter. What I want to say is, the kind of laugh I think you are talking about is the "I am seeing what I am doing to myself trying to have you in my life" kind of laugh. There's till plenty of pain and confusion left but instead of crying and hurting, you shake your head at yourself because you see now. Sounds like you're in a GOOD stage. Way to go!
The more you learn and understand and heal and talk with other people, the more "real" and deep your laugh becomes. It becomes like watching a four-year old deny he climbed up on the countertop and ate a cookie; when he's got crumbs all over his shirt and his face. The laugh gets better and you become more detached. Because you start to live and think more in Reality than in the Sick World of Addiction.
The more you learn and understand and heal and talk with other people, the more "real" and deep your laugh becomes. It becomes like watching a four-year old deny he climbed up on the countertop and ate a cookie; when he's got crumbs all over his shirt and his face. The laugh gets better and you become more detached. Because you start to live and think more in Reality than in the Sick World of Addiction.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 1,888
Oh, I think I get it. It was the kind of laugh you let out when are the butt of a joke. The joke may be funny but the realization that it was at your expense gives it a that snarky feel.
From what I read into it, you lied yourself into a box for her and because of her, but it's the reason for the lie that has left you there alone.
Her distancing herself, I think, is undertandable. She went to rehab and probably dealt with a lot of interal feelings and crept into a few dark places in her emotions (the basis for her drinking possibly) that she didn't want to be in. Now she's out in the light of day and is just focused on coping.
The whole reason you lied for her (enabling, protecting, sheltering) is the whole reason she cannot be around you now. She has to be out there without a net. She has to be out there without you.
Ever look up after mopping the floor and realize you've just mopped yourself into a corner and have to walk on your newly cleaned floor to get out? Ugh. It's a resigned laughter. I get it. I've laughed at the gems of my past, too. It's a good thing.
Alice
From what I read into it, you lied yourself into a box for her and because of her, but it's the reason for the lie that has left you there alone.
Her distancing herself, I think, is undertandable. She went to rehab and probably dealt with a lot of interal feelings and crept into a few dark places in her emotions (the basis for her drinking possibly) that she didn't want to be in. Now she's out in the light of day and is just focused on coping.
The whole reason you lied for her (enabling, protecting, sheltering) is the whole reason she cannot be around you now. She has to be out there without a net. She has to be out there without you.
Ever look up after mopping the floor and realize you've just mopped yourself into a corner and have to walk on your newly cleaned floor to get out? Ugh. It's a resigned laughter. I get it. I've laughed at the gems of my past, too. It's a good thing.
Alice
I Love Who I Am
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Midwest
Posts: 3,210
Don't regret sharing with us, even if folks don't respond the way you want.
Just be honest with yourself and us. Heck, we don't even know who you are. You could be peter flockin flyin pan!
Keep up the good work. Hope you're getting your needs met.
Just be honest with yourself and us. Heck, we don't even know who you are. You could be peter flockin flyin pan!
Keep up the good work. Hope you're getting your needs met.
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