Juvic09

My brother is addicted to pain pills and is driving our family insane. He just admitted to us that he has an addiction to pain killers (mostly opiates) about 8 months ago. I suspect that he has been using longer as the last 2 years he has been demostrating strange behavior. My mother and I do not know what to do. I went with him to go to a meeting at a rehab center but once we left he refused to go and made it known that he can do it on his own. We have tried so many things to get him help but he refuses..I don't know what to do. He got fired from his job for some cash that was missing and he told us that it was a paper work discrepancy but I suspect he was stealing. My mother has traditionally been a huge enabler. She is very nieve to his problem and has given large sums of money in the past. He text me last night and asked me for $330 because as he says "he f*** up and needs to pay someone". He has admitted to selling pills ilegally to support his habit. My mom recently ask him to leave from her house and now he is staying with a friend. I have given him money in the past because he says he took to many of the drugs he was supposed to be selling and now he needs money to pay the drug dealer back. I am just afraid that he will get into some serious trouble with the person he is supposed to be selling the pills for. Then again I somethimes think that he is using that as a scare tactic to get money from us. I have been blessed to have the ability to help him out but I don't want to be a enabler. My mother and I are just fed up with all the false promises and drama that has been in our life. We want to help him so bad but he refuses and says that he can do it on his own..Should I give him money to pay the drug dealer or is this just one of his many lies to try and get money from us. We don't want anything bad to happen. He always tells us he wants to change but never does. At this point we are just lost. Any advice please

Ann

Welcome Juvic, I'm so sorry about your brother but glad you found us here where you will find many who share your sadness.

Take a read around and you will see that the only person who can help an active addict is the addict himself. Nothing we do or don't do, nothing we cry or yell or beg or control will get them clean unless they want to find recovery themselves. All the love in the world cannot change them, if it could not one of us would be here.

The stories you have in that one post, are stories we have all heard before. They need money because someone will hurt them, they need money to pay to find rehab, they need money for transportation to look for a job....when in fact, they need money to buy drugs.

What has helped many of us here are meetings of Al-Anon, Nar-Anon or CoDA, three fellowships that are about US and that help us find our balance again and teach us to live well....no matter how our addicts are doing. Maybe check your area and give it a try.

Make yourself comfortable here, read the "sticky" posts at the top of this forum, and others will be along soon to meet you and welcome you also.

Keeping your brother in my prayers.

Hugs

URMYEVERYTHING

Hi and Welcome Juvic.
I'm sorry you and your family are going through this tough time.

To answer your question.... No No No. DO NOT give him any money. Yes, you are right, it could be a lie to swindle you and your mother out of more money to buy more dope and/or it could be true that he owes his drug dealer.

Nonetheless, let's look at it from this angle.... are you willing to give him money so he can either 1.) buy more dope with it? or 2.) pay his drug dealer off? Either way you look at it, you are supporting illegal behavior. Is that a place you and your mother want to be right now? Is that how you want to help him?

As Ann has suggested, I would seek out support from Alanon right away so that you and your mother are well educated on addiction and recovery. The best way to help him is to detach from him and set up boundaries. One start to setting this boundary would be, I will not give you any money to support your habit. I will also not condone or engage in illegal behavior by giving you money to buy dope and/or pay your drug dealer. Do not ask me for any money.

Unfortunately, you cannot control if anything good or bad happens to him at this point. He is making the decision to use and place himself in situations others w/o addiction wouldn't even think of. If and when he is serious about help and shows you this through his actions, then be a support for him but as long as he is in active addiction, stay far away from him. He will seek help when no one else is there to help.

I hope that helped or made some sense. Keep coming here. There are lots of people here with great wisdom and knowledge about addiction and their experiences.

((HUGS))

teke

hi juvic welcome to sr. i have to agree with ann. i pray that his hp(god) keeps him safe and lead him to where he is suppose to be.

he says he can do it on his own, i think, let him. the more you and mom bail him out, the more you will have to. maybe this time would be a good time to take a step back and allow him to suffer the consequences of his own action. it may or may not be just what it will take to drive him to seek recovery for himself.

i'm a recoverying addict and it took for my family to step back allowing me to fall on my own before i was ready to quit and seek help for myself on my own. take care of you, try a few meetings and maybe invite mom to come along with you. keep posting and reading. you and your family are in my prayers.