Third Times a Charm?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Columbus, Ohio
Posts: 5
Third Times a Charm?
So, I busted my husband this week...he's been buying narcotics online for the past 6 months to the tune of nearly $4,000. This is after having a past narcotics addiction and alcoholism. He's basically been drunk or high for the last 2 years. I KNOW it's a sickness, but we have two small children (3 and 6) and I'm just not sure how much more I can take. He's actually get real help this time and swears that he's going to change, but I'm just not sure he's capable. I'm still in shock, depressed, sad, frustrated, mad, etc....do I give him another chance or do I cut my losses and move on....I don't want my kids exposed to this!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 1,888
Welcome headinthesand!!!
You have found a wonderful place to find support, experience, and hope from those who have been right where you are now.
If you have just found us, there is a set of threads at the top with some great reading to get you started. Knowing what you are dealing with and what you can expect from this progressive disease of addiction will help you in making the best decision for you and your children.
You are right that they should never have to be exposed to this. Having one healthy parent is far better in the long rung than having one parent in active addiction and the other dancing through hoops to keep them from suffering directly from it. That's my opinion of course, but one that I know is shared by others here.
Think how much more love, attention, and nurturing you can provide them when you are not thinking about, covering for, paying back in some way, and skating around his addiction. The stress alone is aging you and keeping you from being all you can be for you and your young ones.
I can't answer your question on leaving really, which I'm sure you know, as we have to come to that point in our own way just as addicts can only truly change if they want it for themselves.
You can, however, seek your own answers and make healthy changes to your life without making the final decision of leaving or not just yet.
Stick around and keep posting. I'm so glad you're here and reaching out.
Alice
You have found a wonderful place to find support, experience, and hope from those who have been right where you are now.
If you have just found us, there is a set of threads at the top with some great reading to get you started. Knowing what you are dealing with and what you can expect from this progressive disease of addiction will help you in making the best decision for you and your children.
You are right that they should never have to be exposed to this. Having one healthy parent is far better in the long rung than having one parent in active addiction and the other dancing through hoops to keep them from suffering directly from it. That's my opinion of course, but one that I know is shared by others here.
Think how much more love, attention, and nurturing you can provide them when you are not thinking about, covering for, paying back in some way, and skating around his addiction. The stress alone is aging you and keeping you from being all you can be for you and your young ones.
I can't answer your question on leaving really, which I'm sure you know, as we have to come to that point in our own way just as addicts can only truly change if they want it for themselves.
You can, however, seek your own answers and make healthy changes to your life without making the final decision of leaving or not just yet.
Stick around and keep posting. I'm so glad you're here and reaching out.
Alice
Member
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Philadelphia, PA
Posts: 611
Hi Headin the Sand,
Welcome to SR! You have found a great place to come for support and guidance.
I agree with the other posters. If he's engaging in illegal behavior at the home and the children are there, he's placing you and the children at great risk.
As far as leaving your husband, well, that's a decision you can only make but it would be a great idea to detach from him while he seeks treatment or not. There is a lot that you will need to work on and repair within yourself to be there for your children in sound mind and healthy body.
Welcome to SR! You have found a great place to come for support and guidance.
I agree with the other posters. If he's engaging in illegal behavior at the home and the children are there, he's placing you and the children at great risk.
As far as leaving your husband, well, that's a decision you can only make but it would be a great idea to detach from him while he seeks treatment or not. There is a lot that you will need to work on and repair within yourself to be there for your children in sound mind and healthy body.
grateful rca
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: atlanta, ga.
Posts: 4,671
hi welcome, glad you joined us. the choice to stay or leave is yours. i think mmaybe go with your gut feelings and do what you think is best for you and your kids. take care of you and allow him to take responsibility for his own actions. watch his actions and not his words.
until he seeks help, his addiction will get progressively worse. it took me 21yrs of the same off and on behavior to finally decide enough was enough. how long are you willing to wait? you and your family are in my prayers.
until he seeks help, his addiction will get progressively worse. it took me 21yrs of the same off and on behavior to finally decide enough was enough. how long are you willing to wait? you and your family are in my prayers.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 3,335
I don't want my kids exposed to this!
Unfortunately, you cannot make him quit using. You can't even make him be honest about it. You can only set boundaries for the kind of behavior you will allow in your life and around your children, and then enforce them.
Time to get tough mom. How are you going to protect your babies from drug addiction?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Columbus, Ohio
Posts: 5
Thanks for the support and info. All good info. I'm trying really hard to be tough. We're separated while he enters rehab and I decide if I want to give him one last chance. Sigh. I never saw my life ending up like this. Thanks again for listening and for the support.
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