I'm so sad
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Washington
Posts: 2
I'm so sad
Hello,
My daughter revealed to me two weeks ago that she is a heroin addict. She has only been using for 4 months (after years of pain pill abuse) and says she wants help. She just finished detoxing (at home, with the help of meds from her doctor.) She mainly slept and I thought we it would be pretty smooth sailing, as there was no made for TV movie drama, tearing out of hair, thrashing, or any of those other hellish symptoms I was expecting.
But things are not as easy as I'd thought. She woke up yesterday (at 3:00 in the afternoon) and said she wanted just a little dope, and promised me if I would get it for her she would not do it again. She also said if she did not get it she would not go to inpatient treatment, where she is supposed to go tomorrow. Of course I am not getting her dope, or money, or her car keys back. But I know I can't lock her up or protect her, and that this needs to be her choice to go to treatment blah blah blah. So that is why I am sad. I love her so much and want nothing more than a positive outcome. To have given birth to a beautiful baby who has been hijacked by this stupid disease that I am powerless to help with is just about unbearable.
I could write for hours here, but I can't. I am exhausted and need to not focus on this any more so I can be strong when she wakes up today and hopefully wants to go to treatment. Thanks for listening - I've read a lot of posts on this site and know I am not alone, even though I wish for all of us that I was.
My daughter revealed to me two weeks ago that she is a heroin addict. She has only been using for 4 months (after years of pain pill abuse) and says she wants help. She just finished detoxing (at home, with the help of meds from her doctor.) She mainly slept and I thought we it would be pretty smooth sailing, as there was no made for TV movie drama, tearing out of hair, thrashing, or any of those other hellish symptoms I was expecting.
But things are not as easy as I'd thought. She woke up yesterday (at 3:00 in the afternoon) and said she wanted just a little dope, and promised me if I would get it for her she would not do it again. She also said if she did not get it she would not go to inpatient treatment, where she is supposed to go tomorrow. Of course I am not getting her dope, or money, or her car keys back. But I know I can't lock her up or protect her, and that this needs to be her choice to go to treatment blah blah blah. So that is why I am sad. I love her so much and want nothing more than a positive outcome. To have given birth to a beautiful baby who has been hijacked by this stupid disease that I am powerless to help with is just about unbearable.
I could write for hours here, but I can't. I am exhausted and need to not focus on this any more so I can be strong when she wakes up today and hopefully wants to go to treatment. Thanks for listening - I've read a lot of posts on this site and know I am not alone, even though I wish for all of us that I was.
one.day.at.a.time.
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Lousiana
Posts: 19
wow, i hope that everything works out for you and your daughter and as hard as it may be... in the end it is her decision to get help you can't punish yourself if she doesn't. mothers tend to blame themselves when kids go astray however they can only do so much and at some point in your child's life she have to live with their decisions and choices and you have to allow her to do that. it's the only way she learn (as i am only 25 and someone's child as well and it wasn't until i had to live with what i've done that i realized what my parents were saying). best of luck to you.
Forum Leader
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,944
Originally Posted by bethechange 
She woke up yesterday (at 3:00 in the afternoon) and said she wanted just a little dope, and promised me if I would get it for her she would not do it again. She also said if she did not get it she would not go to inpatient treatment, where she is supposed to go tomorrow. Of course I am not getting her dope, or money, or her car keys back.
If she is going to flee from rehab there is sadly nothing you can do. My fiance and I have struggled with his AS and finally just had to let him go. It is very hard, but it is the only way we could remain sane.
Huge hugs and prayers, HG
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: East Tawas, MI
Posts: 3,683
Welcome to Sr. I am the mom of a heroin-addicted daughter who currently has 16 months clean. She had to hit a really hard bottom to want to change. Good for you for saying no to her. The only person who can change your daughter is your daughter. The last time my daughter went to rehab, she used up until the moment she walked through the door. She most likely would not have gone if she had had to suffer withdrawals as they were her biggest obstacle up to that time. Your daughter may use again but it does not mean that she won't go to rehab. But you don't have to be the one to enable the use. Stay strong and remember that although heroin sounds much worse than pills, an addict is an addict no matter the choice of drugs. Hugs, Marle
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Washington
Posts: 2
Thank you so very much. It helps to hear from a mom. I hold on to the idea that you've hit bottom once you decide to turn around and climb back up, so maybe this is bottom for my daughter. I am so happy to hear about your daughter's 16 months clean - that is something to celebrate and be grateful for, I'm sure. Tomorrow we head out to rehab - or that's the plan, anyways.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Houston, TX
Posts: 2,126
"...so maybe this is bottom for my daughter..."
I hate to be a 'downer' here, but it doesn't sound to me like your daughter has reached her bottom yet. She still 'wants' dope, even to the point of trying to blackmail you into obtaining it for her.......? "...she wanted just a little dope, and promised me if I would get it for her she would not do it again. She also said if she did not get it she would not go to inpatient treatment, where she is supposed to go tomorrow..."
All bottoms are different, and I could be wrong, but when I still 'wanted' more dope (the infamous 'just one more time'....), I wasn't ready to start recovery.....but then, that could just be me.
Someone earlier here mentioned cost, but not in the way I'm questioning.....Is this rehab your daughter is set to attend free....? or is your insurance paying for it....? or perhaps you are paying alone.....? The only reason I ask is, as others have said, sometimes once is not enough, and rehabs are notorously expensive. It's always good to be calm and weigh one's options (all of them)............... (o:
NoelleR
I hate to be a 'downer' here, but it doesn't sound to me like your daughter has reached her bottom yet. She still 'wants' dope, even to the point of trying to blackmail you into obtaining it for her.......? "...she wanted just a little dope, and promised me if I would get it for her she would not do it again. She also said if she did not get it she would not go to inpatient treatment, where she is supposed to go tomorrow..."
All bottoms are different, and I could be wrong, but when I still 'wanted' more dope (the infamous 'just one more time'....), I wasn't ready to start recovery.....but then, that could just be me.
Someone earlier here mentioned cost, but not in the way I'm questioning.....Is this rehab your daughter is set to attend free....? or is your insurance paying for it....? or perhaps you are paying alone.....? The only reason I ask is, as others have said, sometimes once is not enough, and rehabs are notorously expensive. It's always good to be calm and weigh one's options (all of them)............... (o:
NoelleR
Administrator
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: a better place
Posts: 4,047
Welcome, Change - I'm glad you found the support here. Your post could have been my first post except my daughter didn't use pills before starting to snort heroin. She was using for about 5 months before she told me...It completely blew me away. I didn't even know heroin was available anywhere around us - very naive about hard drugs. It is hard to watch the child we love struggle so. I do hope your daughter chooses inpatient treatment. A counselor once told me there was no way they could predict who "got it" and who didn't. Rehab gives our kids the tools they need to live a life in recovery, but it is up to them to day by day choose to stay there. I learned that my "job" was to work my own recovery and leave my daughter's to her higher power and her.
Hugs, keep us posted and if you can find some Alanon or Naranon meetings, the face to face support is incredible.
Hugs, keep us posted and if you can find some Alanon or Naranon meetings, the face to face support is incredible.
get it, give it, grow in it
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Calif coast
Posts: 3,167
Welcome from another mom.
Way to hang in there with your daughter when she is ready for help.
Their addiction will kick and scream all the way to the front door of the rehab and then continue for awhile.
Be patient.
There are lots of sad stories here that lead to recovery, but happen over time.
Hopefully this is your time.
My son was heroin addict and now he recently completed 18 mos. program and is doing well. With the help of al-anon I am recovering too. There is a parent's focus al-anon in my area...maybe your area has one that would be worth checking out for yourself.
In my experience the whole family benefits when even just one of us chooses recovery but the benefits are grander when we all get
involved with a program.
Keep comin' back .
Way to hang in there with your daughter when she is ready for help.
Their addiction will kick and scream all the way to the front door of the rehab and then continue for awhile.
Be patient.
There are lots of sad stories here that lead to recovery, but happen over time.
Hopefully this is your time.
My son was heroin addict and now he recently completed 18 mos. program and is doing well. With the help of al-anon I am recovering too. There is a parent's focus al-anon in my area...maybe your area has one that would be worth checking out for yourself.
In my experience the whole family benefits when even just one of us chooses recovery but the benefits are grander when we all get
involved with a program.
Keep comin' back .
Member
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Home of the Ravens-MD
Posts: 1,316
Welcome from another mom. Although my daughters DOC is crack, addiction is addiction no matter what the drug. She is currently early in recovery, has been in rehab several times, last time she walked out. I had to let her live on the streets, I'm hoping this last time was her bottom, only time will tell.
I have hope, as you can see by others their are sucess stories and I truly hope that your daughter & mine will be one.
Hugs,
Chris
I have hope, as you can see by others their are sucess stories and I truly hope that your daughter & mine will be one.
Hugs,
Chris
On a tear
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Volcano Country!
Posts: 3,221
Hi Bethe,
My kid did a ton of rehabs - 4 or 5, I think. But you know what? Not a day was wasted, in my opinion. Each time took her further along her path and to where she needed to be for the "next step". She had to break through her denial of her addiction and the delusion that she could control it. She had to learn about the twelve steps and how they work. All of these things need to be learned by 'experience' not words.
Recovery takes time and time takes time. I hope you can find some meetings to attend for your own recovery while she is working on hers. Alanon is what I use, and it saved my life and then made it better!
I wish you well!
((hugs))
My kid did a ton of rehabs - 4 or 5, I think. But you know what? Not a day was wasted, in my opinion. Each time took her further along her path and to where she needed to be for the "next step". She had to break through her denial of her addiction and the delusion that she could control it. She had to learn about the twelve steps and how they work. All of these things need to be learned by 'experience' not words.
Recovery takes time and time takes time. I hope you can find some meetings to attend for your own recovery while she is working on hers. Alanon is what I use, and it saved my life and then made it better!
I wish you well!
((hugs))
Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: PA
Posts: 88
Hi,
I too understand your pain, my son is a heroin addict. It is heartbreaking. Hopefully she will be ready to go to rehab. My son has been through several and I am sure each time he took something from it. Unfortunately this is a disease and relapses happen. Each time I have gotten just a little bit stronger in how I handle it. In the beginning I just wanted to get him help so I could fix it. I now see that I can not do anything the work is his to do. I just tell him I love him.
Best of luck to you and your daughter.
I too understand your pain, my son is a heroin addict. It is heartbreaking. Hopefully she will be ready to go to rehab. My son has been through several and I am sure each time he took something from it. Unfortunately this is a disease and relapses happen. Each time I have gotten just a little bit stronger in how I handle it. In the beginning I just wanted to get him help so I could fix it. I now see that I can not do anything the work is his to do. I just tell him I love him.
Best of luck to you and your daughter.
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