transformyself

so my yoga is like your drinking? are you out of your mind? you are, yes that's the answer. YOU ARE OUT OF YOUR MIND YOU A**WIPE. And if you think I do nothing, bring in no money when you have the boys you can bite me jerk. I hate you. How did I ever convince myself that you were anything other than a selfish, seething pot of resentment that uses any honesty I give you against me so you can justify your sickness? at least now I know what to expect from you. YOu'll white knuckle not drinking when you have the kids for god knows how long but you'll be a raging jerk. you better watch your a** because i'm going to be coming over there every day you have them, unannounced, to make sure they're ok. you should have stayed with your homeless alcoholic ***** girlfriend because you would have been infinetly happier. she's as inarticulate and drunk as you are and won't ask you to do silly things like be a better father or fix yourself. you are so lucky i'm not sending you this right now, you d***wad no instead i'll just send you a one sentence repsonse that says, "i'll put together some numbers for you and send them over the weekend" because I unlike you actually want this madness to end and I'll do it too with the help of yoga while you spiral down into an eternity of darkness with your expensive disgusting beer.
and did i mention i hate you?

LaTeeDa

I swear they have a script! When I started taking care of myself and taking vitamins, I was told that I was "addicted" to vitamins and therefore "just as bad as he was." You are right. He is out of his mind.

I had to enforce some boundaries on phone conversations when we first separated. If the conversation strayed away from practical matters or logistics regarding the children, I "had to go." After a few weeks of not engaging his madness, he stopped trying.

Also, something that helped me immensely was journaling. I spewed all my anger into a notebook for several months. I affectionately called it my "book of anger." It was a safe place to let it all out without harming or offending anyone. It was also very helpful to go back and read it periodically to see my progress.

How old are your children. I got my daughter one of those pay-as-you-go cellphones so she could call me anytime if she or her brother wanted to come home from their dad's house--for any reason. I let her know I would come pick her up any time she wanted, day or night. It made me feel better, and she only had to use it once.

Peace to you.

L

TakingCharge999

Madness!

Get it all out of your system, transformmyself. I will be joining with the anger book. What is most difficult to me is not to censor myself. But otherwise that anger will turn into illness, better to get it out..and one day it will subside and let other feelings come along. I have swallowed my anger all my life, and what for?

Just a passing show... hope you can stay as away as possible!

transformyself

HA!! Look at that post! It says. LOVE IS CALLING underneath my ranting anger. Ah well, I keep trudging towards sanity..

Also, Moderators, there are some swear words in that post that your program didn't pick up to asterik out, and I can't figure out how to edit it, can't find the button. Do you mind going in and changing them? Sorry, guess my vocabulary is worse than I thought, you're computer program doesn't even recognize it! I'll teach it a thing or two..

GiveLove

Yep, got it transform. Might want to do a proofreading from now on, especially on vents
Great idea on the book of anger. I have a journal with a red cover that I use for this. Easy to grab off the shelf!

Zak68

I think I need to learn how to vent. I told my XAW my problem is I grew up watching too much Star Trek. I loved how Mr. Spock could be clam and collected in everything.

She once told me I was the most patient person she had ever met and didn't think I knew any boundries. Well, she proved that was wrong. She pushed me too far and I gave up on her and her addiction.

Maybe my super identity is Enabler Man! Able to see past grievous sins! Willing to forgive lies! Impervious to common sense! Disguised as mild mannered Zak68, our heroe fought the never ending battle for enabling and wearing horse blinders.

It has felt good lately to just tell her what I feel and let things out. I never realized how much I hurt myself keeping everything in. Now, I just say what I need to say and more importantly, what should be said.

I think the closest I get to venting is my selection of running music. On peaceful days I have a nice easy mix. On stressful days I pull out the harder stuff. Music has always been my outlet and those that know me can tell my mood by my music selection.