Reflextions

Old 09-24-2009, 10:06 PM
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Reflextions

Hi Everyone,

Lastnight my youngest son came up and had dinner with me at work. While we were sitting there he said that he is getting his resume ready to sent to Alberta. My throat had an instant lump in it. Had it been a few years back I would have said " let me type that resume up for you and send it Fed-Ex ASAP...LOL" He does have a full-time job here, but he got a lead on some job that he feels would better his opportunities in the field of work he want to pursue...Heavy Duty Mechanics.

The night before my oldest son came over and he was talking about some houses that he wants to have a look at to buy, putting a suite in the basement and renting it out. Again a few years ago with him as well I felt that I could have Begged, Borrowed or Stole just to have him in his own place, we were constantly at each other.

These were to boys who lost their dad to crack addiction at 12 and 14, they were not babies, sure old enough to read the newspaper and see their dads name on the front page for the numerous robberies that had taken place around the city that he was arrested for. Old enough to know about drugs and what can happen, seeing first hand from thier own dad.

I sure had my hands full with these two for a few years let me tell you it was not nice. They would listen to nothing I told them, everyday and I mean everyday I had a voice mail from the principal or he would be calling me at work, plus almost every weekend I had a call or visit from the police. I am so surprised that I was not suspended or let go from my job, as I was calling in sick, leaving work to either go to the school, the police department or attenting one of many court cases for my husband. I had no idea if they were just going through the teen madness, the out come of what they were going through with their dad or both. There was no way in this world that I was able to convince them to get some help.

They have not seen their dad in 5 years, well the oldest did see him last Nov. for about 1 hour, but it is by their own choice, they just have no respect for him, he let them down so badly, as well as caused so much embarrassment for them. It was such a cruel thing to have happen to them, just a senseless selfish act on their dads part and all we can say is " he is sick" by his own doings.

Today those to young boys are now 19 and 21, they have such strong morals, are caring and responsible young men with I feel great goals in life. I can go to bed at night and not worry about what they are up to. I was told in al-anon that it was a 50/50 chance on what road they would take in life, one following their dad and it sure was looking like this was the path they were going down, but as for today I am ever so proud of those two young men.

They don't know, but I am going to have to tell them soon, but I have pre-booked a trip to Mexico for the 3 of us for Christmas for a week. Their lives are moving on and it could be a very longtime before we could ever have the chance to do this again.

Rose
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Old 09-24-2009, 11:50 PM
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glad that under the circumstances they seem to have found their way .
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Old 09-25-2009, 12:17 AM
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Yes for today they have found their way, had alot to deal with at such a young age, but they seem to have found what is unacceptable in their lives, accepted it and moved on.

Rose
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Old 09-25-2009, 01:39 AM
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Rose, I am so happy your boys are growing up and making good choices for themselves. Although we cannot control which path they will take, I think that you have been a shining example for them that you CAN have a good life, regardless of how the addict is doing.

We cannot change our past, we cannot change a moment of how our lives were when we were enmeshed in the chaos of addiction, but we CAN make good choices for ourselves and start living in the solution (our recovery) instead of living in the problem (their addiction).

Keeping you and your boys in my prayers each day.

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Old 09-25-2009, 10:38 PM
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I see alot of my husband in the boys, before he lost himself. I see today in them what attracted me to my husband when we first started to date. He was a good dad and without even having to say it, it was so clear how much he loved his sons. Family and friends were so important to him. He loved nothing better than having a house full of family and friends the more the marrier, but I also enjoyed it as well. He was a true down to earth man with a real sense of humour. He had such strong work ethics, but he was at his happiest when he had his own business. He started his own gravel trucking business and he did well at it, as he was a real go getter and treated his customers with such respect. If one person was not happy, he made it right. He had this business going for 15 years and I can only think of onetime he had a customer that was never happy. I answered the phones and did the books, this customer called and was very rude with me, uncalled for. My husband called him back and told him to take his business elsewhere, that nobody speaks to his wife like that. My husband was so normal, full of love and life then.

My husband worked long hours, took on job after job, so much that we had no family time and there was some conflicts happening. It was like he was addicted to work and then started the down fall. Work slowed down here, but work was plentyfull in Squamish, near Whistler where the 2010 Games are being held. He went there to work, there was work day and night there. He wanted it all, so he was working day and night, you can't possibly keep this up. He was away from home, met up with other guys away from home, then met up with crack, the answer to his problem. Kept him awake for days at a time, he could now work day and night.

It wasn't like we were in any big money problems that he was trying to get us out of. I am just reflecting back to it all, because sometimes it still just makes no sense. This all sort of makes sense to me now, he had an addiction to work and the addiction progressed into drugs to keep him working.

I knew his work habits were over and above, but never would I have given it a thought that it was so deep down....an addiction.

Rose
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