kotabear

Yesterday, was the 7th day out of recover center for my x-spouse. I felt like something would go wrong, cause I've felt way to good.

Last night he didn't stop by, we hadn't talked about him stopping. I had called his sister's around 7 no answer. Ok Kota, just a old habit stop worring. Do the dishes, laundry, feed the animals, get the kids supper, watch some tv...... go to bed early.

8 o'clock finally!!! Bed time!!!! I sit in the girls room with them still 3 and 5 cause they are scared. I find myself looking out the window down the road, is there a car coming...... no!

Go to bed Kota!!! Can't I have a head cold.... I stay up and watch FrieProof..... If you haven't seen it it's good, it's about commiting your life to the Lord, and never leaving your partner behind, in a fire. I cried. I got on my knees and prayed.

Wake up this morning.... get in the shower, wake the kids up.... should I call his sister's....nope, it's only a quarter till 7. Ok finsish up getting ready, feed the animals, get the kids in the truck. I'm at work, it's 8:30 finally. Call sisters...... Hello B. yada yada yada... her's Mr. Kota, Kota.... relief hit's me.... he is home, he's been home! He went to eat last night, and for a drive.... Thank God

I hope my old feelings of fear of something bad is going to happen will subside soon!!

Thanks for listening,
Kota:praying

Learn2Live

Oh, I know what you mean by your post. I waited for him, constantly looking up and down the street to see if he was coming. Months of that. I would just cry.

I hate that feeling that something bad is going to happen. It's like a panic waiting to explode. A sick feeling in the pit of your stomach. Fear. Anticipation.

I just couldn't take living that way anymore. That's stress and Stress Kills and I want to start making healthier decisions in my life. I had to get rid of that stress because you know what? People don't change THAT much. They don't change the way they behave and live their lives that much. So those anxious feelings just never go away as long as you're with them. They may subside for a little while and then boom! it happens all over again. Someone drops a frickin' piano on your head, or you get punched in the gut.

NO MORE. Thanks for sharing! I really needed to get that out.

Mitsy

That fear will always be with you until they have more sober time behind them. I applaud those on the road to sobriety. It's tough on the spouse or significant other. I'm at the point where I don't think I could deal with being supportive of another attempt at sobriety for my ex-bf. I have zero trust in his ability to get or stay sober without rehab and I've read a few too many stories where rehab wasn't even enough because they still wanted to drink and eventually gave in to the addiction later. It's not easy and the alcoholic who isn't willing to do the work to stay sober simply won't stay the course. I do hope your guy stays sober but it's unrealistic for you to have a lot of trust in him at this point. Hang in there. Al-Anon is great for your own well-being if you aren't attending. I highly recommend it.

kotabear

I have a question?

I still love this man, after all the hardship I've gone threw with him and his "diease". Would I be crazy to want something still with him?

I understand he needs more recovery time, that I as well as he has to take things one day at a time.

His last rehab, was more toward's the religious part..... which he was never. But seems to be now. Thought about asking him to go to church as a family.

I know I will disappoint my parents and siblings even thinking this. But I can't help it. Again.... I'm I stupid to have these feelings.

He's coming over tonight... per my request, I planned on taking him to see a band friday night. Thought about going to a drive-in movie with the kids saturday, and church on sunday, want to talk it over with him.

Thanks again,
Kota

:ghug3

Mitsy

Only you can answer that question. I don't know how long you've been married, to what extent of abuse you've dealt with due to his addiction, or how committed your guy is to keeping his marriage intact. There are a lot of variables and there is no right answer here. But, to my way of thinking, if someone shows no signs of wanting to get sober & stay sober and they continue to hurt/abuse those within the family for a period of time (don't have a set # of months or years), then I think any woman should look at her options in this situation. If someone remains with an abusive drunk for years, then she is enabling his bad behavior to continue by putting up no boundaries. After so long, the drunk's behavior can kill even the strongest love a spouse might have for them. You can also love someone and know you can't live with them. It all depends on the people involved. I often refer to the lady in my Al-Anon group who is one of the head sponsor people. Her husband drank for over 30 years and she worked full-time and had 6 kids with him. Why she stayed that long is very hard for me to understand but back then, it was probably even harder to leave than it would be in today's society. I could not have put up with the guy that long myself but everyone's threshold is different.

If your guy is seeking treatment or is willing to go to some kind of counseling, then he apparently has some gumption to change things. I pray that he will decide that he wants sobriety more than anything and will do what it takes to get there. I don't encourage anyone to throw in the towel until they have exhausted their options to have a healthy marriage/relationship and their significant other continues to abuse them and show disrespect to them or the family.

kotabear

You can also love someone and know you can't live with them.~Misty

That is where I am right now. He's getting a apartment, and working on himself, and building a good relationship with the kids.

We where married young I was 20 he was 27. where together 10 years married almost 8 years.

When he was dranking he was verbal abusive, he choked me twice and head butted me once, while drinking, while not drinking, no abuse. That's why it's so hard, he's not the same person sober, or drunk.... like many I'm sure!!!!

He's asked God for forgivness, and hope's that I find it in my heart someday to give him forginess for the past. I do forgive him, I just haven't forgotten, and I'd like to see some more time in a sober recovery to change anything. I fear if I wait to long, he'll give up on me coming around as well.

Mitsy

The best advice I can give you is get a sponsor in Al-Anon if you don't have one and get to the meetings as regularly as you can. There is no right answer here. No one can say that you should stay with him or not stay with him. You have to use your own logic and reason for your own particular situation. My take is to take care of yourself (prepare for the worst in some aspects) but hope for the best and don't look for the worst to happen - if that makes sense. I'm going to assume the best for your hubby at this point in that he apparently has some level of conviction here or he wouldn't even consider talking to a counselor (so many men won't). Keep us posted.