lost84

Okay So I am really putting myself to the test this weekend and I really believe I have the strength to do this

A good friend of my ex-abf is also a friend of mine, we all went to junior high together.. Anyways we message eachother once and a while but I havnt felt ready to actually hang out with him with out bringing up my ex. (when we do talk i dont ask or mention my ex though) His friend even thinks my ex is nutz but he thinks its funny (must be a guy thing lol) They used to be troublemakes together the year we all went to school together.. ne ways long story short this weekend we are going to get together for some drinks. I am NOT going to bring up or mention my ex's name once. I really think this will be a true test for myself and my emotions and im ready to take it on!

Abundance

Good Luck.....

I have found that spending time with my x's friends/family - made me feel like I was closer to him, even when we were still together, it would make me feel closer to him - his world.

I'm pretty fortunate that we only have 1 friend in common and she lives a few hundred miles away.

Again- good luck!

sailorjohn

I'm not even gonna go there. Life will undoubtedly throw some 'tests' at me when I'm not expecting them, probably the best way to measure my progress, not a situation I've prepared myself in advance for.

lost84

thanks abundence im hoping this makes me see what im NOT missing out on and brings me back to the fact he is out of my life and it IS for the best

truthhurts

I wish you well, but to me, this sounds something like a newly-recovering addict going to a bar or a party where he/she knows there will be temptation.

Just MHO.

lost84

is it weird that i really want to do this? i know i can do this!

sailorjohn

Not weird, fairly common. I've done it myself, just another way to 'keep in touch'.

No contact is simply that, no contact, even of the 'incidental that was actually not incidental type'. Do you honestly expect your 'friend' not to mention him?

Then what?

lost84

I can see your point but I actually dont see him really bringing up my ex.. hes not that type, It's actually crazy because ALL the feelings of wanting OUT are coming back to me right now and it feels good! Im remembering the times and things he put me through and actually NOT even close to crying lol.. this is really putting me back to where i needed to be and remain. Its NOT my loss and im ready to let go once and for all.

Freedom1990

Usually for me, when I feel it necessary to 'test' myself, I fail.

I prefer to try and live some semblance of sanity.

teke

i wish you well too, but i can't understand why you would want to put yourself through a date to hang out with his friends. i really think if you could take a step back and maybe check your motives, you may decide differently

i remember the times i tried to hang around my ah's friends/family after we've separated but to be honest with myself, i often had an alterior motive, either i wanted someone to report something back to him or hoped that someone would report something to me. i remember how just being around anyone who was closer to him than i was, caused me in someway to feel closer to him. i would find myself pretending that all was good when really i was crying and dying inside and that kept me stuck.

for me, no contact with anyone who reminded me of my ah worked better for me.

hello-kitty

Have fun!

rose

Lost,
You have more guts than I sure do. I was seeing a man lastyear and the break-up really upset me, he was the 1st man that I had a relationship with after my husband, the break-up really upset me. Still today I will not go anywhere that he might be or any of his friends. I am not a real bar person, but I do like to go to the legion here and he never goes there, nor do his friends. Well if not a few weeks back one of his friends came in, sat next to me and if the only words he talked about was the friend I went out with...how I was to nice of a person for him...on and on. I didn't make any comment, just wondered what his motive was. It was enought for me and I finished my drink and went home. Then again last weekend he comes in, I was with a group of my friends, but he was trying to strike up a conversation with me again, I would have nothing to do with it, he left and went and sat with some other people. I don't know if he was being a nosey parker or gossipy, but I was not playing his game.

Be careful Lost, words travel and twist on the way through.

Rose

breakingfree88

Be careful! It does kind of sound like a recovering alcoholic going to a bar to test themselves.
You know, since this guy is also a friend of your ex, and you're involving alcohol, watch out! Not passing judgement but a lot of times that's the opening line to a story about sleeping with him. (Emotional closeness, common bond is your EX).
Seems emotionally complicated at best.
JMHO <3

Learn2Live

I say go for it Lost. We're all old (no offense guys; just trying to be funny ) and have done what you're going to do so many times that we FEEL the burn you might get. You're so young and from what you've shared before, I know this is a first for you. There's nothing like REAL LIFE and testing out our wings so that we can discover the lessons life has for us to learn.

Nothing like divin' right on in! But please don't drink too much alone with this guy.

And let us know how it goes. We're here for you whatever you decide to do.

lost84

Rose- thank you for sharing your expierence

BreakingFree- I definatly AGREE where alcohol can be a BAD idea and I will be very carefull.. the thing is though I have NO attraction to this guy whatsoever AT all!! We made plans long ago but I didnt even go through with it at that time..

Thanks for all the other advice.. I dont have any motives regarding hearing about my ex or asking about him, if i wanted info i could re activate a facebook acount with my ex's NEW girlfriend on it and see whats going on at any time.. WHICH I DONT DO ANYMORE as i learned "if it hurts, why do it?" and I really see how some think.. Bad Idea.. But everyone is different in healing/recovering.. I truly think this may be a good thing to bring my head back into the RIGHT place.

Mel- I love you!

rose

Lost,

Me again...lol. What I am doing is not right either, I should not have to avoid, people, places for the fear of running into him or his friends. I don't think you should have to avoid seeing a friend because the both of you are friends with him, not this guys fault.

I think what most of us our really trying to say is try not to get caught up in any conversations or information about the ex. We don't need to loose friends over a break-up.

Rose

Learn2Live

Me, too, CynicalOne, Me, too.

Learn2Live

8

Love You Too P!


Through sleet and through snow,
When the fierce winds blow,
Friends we'll be,
You and Me.

lost84

okay so this test i thought was a good idea.. BAD IDEA it didnt go through and im GLAD. just an update..

last night i get facebook chat msgs from my ex's friend, saying oh how come we didnt get together saturday ect.. saturday came around and i really didnt even care to see him so i didnt msg or call. neither did he. so i just said i didnt hear from you. his response was he was "scared of me"... i was like um.. scared of what? and he replied "of them muscles goin on over their lol". i literally just said muscles? lol k hope you had a good weekend and logged off facebook.
last night for an hr i was so annoyed. the FIRST time my ex addict bf left me the end of our convo he said "go lift some weights" he always put me down and made fun of me for doing wights and working out.. i am NOT A HUGE MUSCLE girl at alllllll lol i do think i am toned but ew a muscle head? NO way. i could and still dont see WHY OR HOW anyone can make fun of someone for living a healthy life, and i let it get to me each time. his first comment stopped me from doing weights for 2 months. ( i know thats an inner self esteem prob to let that get to me) anyways NO other guy has ever made fun or commented on that sort of stuff.
i was FURIOUS last night that i couldnt even post.. then i realized F them both like their BOTH low life's with no jobs education... ahh makes me so mad.
SO GLAD i didnt put myself in a situation of seeing this loser, whaaat was i even thinking! i dont need to see a friend of my ex's to remind me of the situations that he put me through!

teke

good for you, you passed the test, you decided what was best for you. that was the test, right?