Bonkers

I've been reading a lot since I finally decided to quit drinking. However, I'm really confused about one thing. My husband claims that he never knew that I was continuing to drink. Through all the books and articles I've read, they make comments about how your spouse will have to learn to trust you again, as you've hurt them. Well, he didn't even know. He said how could he? I think downing a pint of vodka a day with a bottle of wine would make it obvious and feel this just confirms what I've always said and that is that we have no relationship! How could he not have seen it? Has anyone out there experienced anything similar? Could I really have been such a functioning lunatic that my own husband had no knowledge or do you think that this really is a sign of serious relationship troubles...

sailorjohn

Welcome!!!

I honestly couldn't say why, my only experience in relationships when I was an active alcoholic, they also drank. Have been told that vodka doesn't give off an alcohol smell, don't know if it's true or just a myth.

I would be more concerned about your drinking now than 'relationship' troubles. You can always find another relationship, last I looked, your life is pretty much a one shot deal.

Keep coming back, you'll find a lot of support here.

bebemay

I think its reasonable to think that he may not have known. Growing up, my dad was a serious alcoholic, but I was so used to his behavior that I just assumed that was really the way he behaved, not the result of his drinking, and he always wore lots of cologne, so the smell wasnt really noticeable. My exabf also has fooled me on many occasions, even if I thought he was drinking or that he smelled like alcohol, he would often convince me otherwise. It was usually only in the most extreme cases of his drinking, or the times when I actually saw him do it, that I knew for sure. If you were actively trying to hide it from your partner, and had been drinking for some time, maybe he really didnt know.

kermit

My husband was a closet drinker, although I new he was drinking I didn't know the extent. After I asked him to leave I was cleaning out the house I found bottles in the weirdest places. YES we are blind to your distruction. We want to believe "it's not that bad"
I can never trust the man again. As a matter of fact I have trouble trusting anyone, he destroyed that for me.
Our relationship Will never be the same, we made the choice to end our relationship.

Latte

I didn't realize that my father was an alcoholic until I went to get help.

My husband didn't realize I was an alcoholic until I told him I had been drinking the liquor that the previous owners of our home had left because they couldn't drive it through Canada on their way to their new duty station in New Jersey (we lived in Alaska).

mariechi

I don't know the reality of your situation. They say that love can be blind. I wondered why my fiance didn't know about my problem. It never manifested itself in his presence, but everybody else could hear it in my voice on the phone. He couldn't. When I 'fessed up, he promised to stand by me, support me... he still wants to marry me. He'll give up his occasional beer to not drink with me.... If we are in denial, maybe so are they.

Thumper

There is plenty of denial on both sides of the fence.

Bonkers

Thanks, everyone! I have been mulling over the very real possibility that it was his denial too. I will continue to concentrate on my recovery right now, but it's always so surprising when none of the literature really fits your situation. I guess that why there are meetings for us. I had been drinking for so long that maybe they really did think that's how I acted... That's very humbling thought.