BBD

The first time Chris went to rehab I was so proud of him for walking in there and doing the work to get better. This time, the mere sound of his name brings tears to my eyes. I have read about people with numerous rehab stays and I'm so afraid that is going to happen here. I know its not up to me and hopefully with sober living this time he can get it together. I met a woman the other day that works at a prison as a counselor. She said with cocaine its more of a mind thing and you just have to decide not to do it ever again. Can it be that easy??? I don't think so. I'm just so sad and am having a hard time getting through every day without thinking of him 24/7......and I wake up every morning between 4-5am. I really am tired and wish I could slepp for days. I just talked my hubby into going out to dinner after a day of running around. He's a good guy~~~thank Goodness for him.

laurie6781

You are sad because Chris slid back into addiction.

You are sad because your 'bubble' was burst.

You are sad because, one more time, his addiction is at the forefront of your mind.

And on, and on, and on, all about 'him.'

Now, you can continue to be 'sad', 'down in the dumps', 'sorry for yourself', etc or .................... you can get on with the business of living 'YOUR' life and having enjoyment and fun, like going out to dinner with Deuy tonight.

One more time (((((Bonnie))))) the only person you can 'fix' is YOU. Chris is an ADULT. He made the choice to use, now he has made the choice to try again to get straight. Maybe this time he will do more than he did the last time, ie get a sponsor, USE his sponsor, WORK the the 12 steps, etc but that is NOT YOUR PROBLEM, it is his.

So, you can literally be sad, be down, sit on the 'pity pot' and waste precious time out of your own life, or ..................................... you can enjoy your life.

Maybe I am the 'odd duck' here, but you see, as much as I love my children, my grandchildren, and my 'near' family, they can all be 'toxic' at times. Because I have no idea how much time I have left (considering I do have some serious health issues) I made a decision several years ago, that I would NO LONGER let anyone 'suck me dry.' I have worked hard 'most' of my life (before and after addiction) and I am going to enjoy what time I have left.

I know you and your hubby have also worked hard all these years to get where you are now so you could enjoy your 'later' years. Well ...................................... Chris or no Chris now is the time to enjoy. Is tht cold? Nope. Just allowing Chris to be the man he is to be. You did your job. Now it is up to him and his HP as to where he goes from here.

So, you have some choices here ......................................... waste your days being 'woebegone' and 'poor me' or ......................................... enjoy your days doing what YOU want to do, what you 'planned to do' once the 'nest was empty'.

Please get on with the business of living YOUR life. Enjoy each day. Live in TODAY.

J M H O

Love and hugs,

marle

Sending you some hugs. Like Laurie said, Don't let the sadness take over your life. It is okay to feel it and then let it go. Chris is trying to get better. That is huge. Hugs, Marle

BBD

Hey Laurie, You are one strong lady and tell it as you should. I know I'm having a pity party and thats just not me.....so thanks for setting me straight and I will take your words and do something good for myself. Right now I'm off to relax in the tub and clear this messed up mind. and Merle~~I will try my best to let the bad feelings go. I know Chris is doing right by himself right now and I guess I shouldn't awfulize about the future..Thanks~~Bonnie

teke

hey bonnie,

sending hugs your way and i pray for your strength and that chris's hp will continue to lead him in the way he should go. he's in rehab and that a good thing.

MsPINKAcres

HUGS and prayers for you my friend!!

Ann

Addiction IS sad, and is truly a family disease.

My good friend here at SR, Hangin' In, often told me to be careful of those one-way streets that lead to no place good. Sadness is one of them. It's okay to feel sad for a while but just don't hang out there too long, make a U-turn and head back to doing something positive for yourself, and save sad for another day.

Worry never changes the outcome so maybe, just for today, give it up to the universe and just enjoy the day.

Hugs

pikojiko

I am so glad you posted. It gives me hope that I can get my daughter to go to rehab, that she will make better choices for her life.

Serenity Bound

Bonnie, I know exactly where you are coming from. As my AD has been in & out of 3 rehabs, each time she did the work & put herself in. Each time I was elated that she was doing the next right thing. Each time she relapsed (Crack) I felt drained and sad.
However, they are adults and as such we cannot do the work for them, we cannot love them into sobriety.

We need to take care of ourselves, letting go of the sadness and enjoying each moment that we have.

Hugs,
Chris

Chino

BBD, a while back I asked my therapist about pity parties of one, how to deal with them. He advised setting a time limit of 24 hours, fully give into it, then move onto doing something about it. I'm glad you're moving on

lost84

Cocaine is more of a mind thing.. its a Mind destroyer... if people have done it long enought its HARD for them to say hey im never doing this again... people with addictive personalitys CAN not possibly do that... the counsellor should know treatment is needed and much more to beat alot of addictions...

I think we are all sad loving someone in addiction or batteling addiction, it hurts to be hurt and see others hurt over addictions. I dislike drugs very much, they really can F people up

Spiritual Seeker

" I have read about people with numerous rehab stays and I'm so afraid that
is going to happen "
Can you flip your thinking ?
Let's hope he keeps doing rehab until he is able to sustain sobriety....for how many times it takes.

Thank God my son went back a third time...now he is sober about 18 mos.
If he ever needs more treatment....so be it, because it takes what it takes.
I will not give space in my head to worrying about the future.
I keep remembering to detach from him (and everyone else) and stay in my own sandbox. Worrying only hurts us and doesn't change anything.

I had to focus at getting out of my funk and let the rest go many times too Bonnie.
My own recovery has to come first.

BBD

Thanks everyone...I haven't heard a word from Chris since Monday when he left for rehab. Thats OK cause I have been super busy. We have along week-end planned with friends that are dragging us away for some fun. Gotta love those kind of friends....and we truly need it. I'm sure Chris is doing fine and your all so right about "this is his journey"....and what will be, will be. I have a visit tomorrow with my therapist so thats a good thing also. I'd love for us to all have a MOms getogether.....fun, huh??

JMFburns

Bonnie,

Chris is in a safe place, HP willing, doing what he needs to do for himself. Not hearing from him is ok - focus on your life - HP willing, he is focusing on his life right now.

Have fun with your friends.

BBD

Thanks Joan..Its a tough one this time. He had us all so confinced that he was Ok and now this. The trust issue is overwhelming for me. Seperating yourself from your children is my biggest obsticule(sp))))))~~~~but I'm trying to work on me.

Serenity Bound

Bonnie, I think that would rock!!!

Learn2Live

Thanks BBD for your post.

What you say reminds me how it is so hard to let someone go like that; let them be responsible for their own journey, their own path. I recently had to do that too (although not my child) and it was so difficult, so painful to witness what kind of path that person chose. It hurt many people in that person's life and still he does not see.

My feelings and emotions have been down for eight months now with very short bursts of something not sad. I'm waiting for them to do something, I don't know. So, I'm sad right now too. I wish I had a spouse or significant other or SOMEONE or something in my life to help distract me and actually ENJOY life instead of just going through the motions.

When I had to let that person go, I feel like my ability to experience joy was stolen from me. I feel like I'll never get it back again. I just want to cry so I guess I will.

BBD

Learn2live~~Go ahead and cry..I have been on and off all week with tears. Angry~~sad~~tears~confused~~~~and just plain wondering how my life got to this point. I bet it does hurt having to let go of someone you loved. I don't think I'm making sense here cause I'm so tired but am sending a hug your way..Bonnie

teke

why not let him go just today, don't plan tomorrow until tomorrow, you can always change your mind if you just got to. thats my motto.