Ding Dong the lights are on!!!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Lost in Ca
Posts: 253
Ding Dong the lights are on!!!
Hello!!
I have been living in a fantasy world for well over a year well he** almost 2. It finally got through my thick skull what is really going on. My AH is still try ing to make me believe that he loves me and there is no drugs and no girl!. Now that it is time for him to go he is trying to convience me of this more than ever. I just found out yesterday that he truely has been leading a double life. I knew GOD would reveal things to me in his own given time. I just didnt know that it would come so quick. I found out good news on Saturday that will enable me to remain independent and then BAM on Sunday all of the questions I have been asking were answered!!! His affair !!!His loyalty is not with me nor his children. He has been playing daddy to someone elses child while his children are at home suffering and crying for him at night. Isn't it funny how you thought you knew someone and you really DON'T!!! All this time I was making excuses for him (being codependent) and not holding him accountable for his actions. I think that I did that to protect my own feelings. The deceit is enormous. I feel so betrayed!! I wanted to blame his addiction for all of his actions...but, it just isn't so. He has to have moments of clarity and realize that the thing that he is doing is just plain outright wrong!!! The coming in crying and begging that was all a fraud!!!
This other woman has been boosting his ego telling him the he is the backbone of our home and without him I would be nothing!! Ha Ha .....He can't tell you when the light bill is due nor where he got the toilet paper to wipe his a**. He can't tell you anything not even when his motorcycle bill is due or how 11,000 worth of bills per month gets paid when he only make 4,000!!!!! And he's the backbone. Its not even about the money. For example he can't tell you why his daughter was crying in her sleep last week or when his son had a outburst on his teacher at school the other day or why my step daughter's call me for advice instead of him or their mother's.
Sorry SR I am just venting..... all this drama is not gonna get the best of me I am a woman... and from this day foward I WILL demand to be treated that way by ANYONE in my life or coming into my LIFE!!! I went to college at 16 and have worked my behind off to be successful and NO ONE will ever take my self worth of self-esteem ever again!! I have been putting my success on hold for HIM too long. Trying to make him feel like he was my equal. I saw the Whitney Houston special on Oprah and even though I am not a star and have never been on drugs....I feel like Whitney... I dimmed my lights to make him shine! But, now it's time for me to step back into the spot light into my rightful place!!!!
Thanks, SR for letting me vent
I have been living in a fantasy world for well over a year well he** almost 2. It finally got through my thick skull what is really going on. My AH is still try ing to make me believe that he loves me and there is no drugs and no girl!. Now that it is time for him to go he is trying to convience me of this more than ever. I just found out yesterday that he truely has been leading a double life. I knew GOD would reveal things to me in his own given time. I just didnt know that it would come so quick. I found out good news on Saturday that will enable me to remain independent and then BAM on Sunday all of the questions I have been asking were answered!!! His affair !!!His loyalty is not with me nor his children. He has been playing daddy to someone elses child while his children are at home suffering and crying for him at night. Isn't it funny how you thought you knew someone and you really DON'T!!! All this time I was making excuses for him (being codependent) and not holding him accountable for his actions. I think that I did that to protect my own feelings. The deceit is enormous. I feel so betrayed!! I wanted to blame his addiction for all of his actions...but, it just isn't so. He has to have moments of clarity and realize that the thing that he is doing is just plain outright wrong!!! The coming in crying and begging that was all a fraud!!!
This other woman has been boosting his ego telling him the he is the backbone of our home and without him I would be nothing!! Ha Ha .....He can't tell you when the light bill is due nor where he got the toilet paper to wipe his a**. He can't tell you anything not even when his motorcycle bill is due or how 11,000 worth of bills per month gets paid when he only make 4,000!!!!! And he's the backbone. Its not even about the money. For example he can't tell you why his daughter was crying in her sleep last week or when his son had a outburst on his teacher at school the other day or why my step daughter's call me for advice instead of him or their mother's.
Sorry SR I am just venting..... all this drama is not gonna get the best of me I am a woman... and from this day foward I WILL demand to be treated that way by ANYONE in my life or coming into my LIFE!!! I went to college at 16 and have worked my behind off to be successful and NO ONE will ever take my self worth of self-esteem ever again!! I have been putting my success on hold for HIM too long. Trying to make him feel like he was my equal. I saw the Whitney Houston special on Oprah and even though I am not a star and have never been on drugs....I feel like Whitney... I dimmed my lights to make him shine! But, now it's time for me to step back into the spot light into my rightful place!!!!
Thanks, SR for letting me vent
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Unhappy, your name probably suits how you feel right now, and no matter how much you suspected this just has to be terribly painful.
But maybe you needed the pain in order to let go. Validation, if you will, that what you have suspected is true and you are not crazy, just a little codependent. We codies have excellent instinct (that I call Codar) and good news or bad, instinct rarely lets us down.
So I'm sending a hug, because you're going to need time to heal, but I am also sending a flashlight because the dark tunnel you are in now will eventually lead to wonderful new beginnings.
Hugs
But maybe you needed the pain in order to let go. Validation, if you will, that what you have suspected is true and you are not crazy, just a little codependent. We codies have excellent instinct (that I call Codar) and good news or bad, instinct rarely lets us down.
So I'm sending a hug, because you're going to need time to heal, but I am also sending a flashlight because the dark tunnel you are in now will eventually lead to wonderful new beginnings.
Hugs
Member
Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 494
let that light shine woman! I so so sorry that you have to go thru what you are. That feeling of the deciet, the pain that happens when the denial comes dies down or can no longer cover things up it tremendous. That pain though does help us to grow and move on. I never had confirmation of some of my suspicions aside from the fact that she lied by ommision and often used the "I'm sick so you should make other plans" but in some ways I think that evidence would have made it easier to let go. Not less painful, but more concrete in helping me to decide to move forward.
It is nice to see you ready to go and be all you can be!
It is nice to see you ready to go and be all you can be!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Wishin' I was on the Beach!
Posts: 1,415
Yeah, time for YOU to shine, girl! This is a painful time, but you can do it....
sometimes its one day at a time. Use your anger to be done with him. You deserve so much better! Expect some days of grief and being depressed... (therapist told me about 6 months). You will come out stronger on the other side. Just continue to work on you and put your happiness first.
(((HUGS)))
sometimes its one day at a time. Use your anger to be done with him. You deserve so much better! Expect some days of grief and being depressed... (therapist told me about 6 months). You will come out stronger on the other side. Just continue to work on you and put your happiness first.
(((HUGS)))
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Lost in Ca
Posts: 253
Thanks for the replies....
Ann you are right to a certain extent. I have been hurting so long that finding out this new information is only helping me to actually heal. I think that I have been through sooo much that I am so not hurting right now. Many people on SR experience the hurt from only the addicts they love but, in my case my husband allowed another woman to come in and treat me like dirt. i know some peopl on here have experienced it but, not to the extent that I have. I have a restraining order on the girl and he continues to see her and talk to her. She has called my house, tapped into my cell phone account(representative was fired for this), sit in front of my house, sit around the corner from my daughter's school, lied to my husband about me calling her, called his job and impersonated me, used a internet site to change her caller ID and input my cell to make it look like I was harrassing her(YES...this does exsist), text messaged from her computer putting information in as if she were me...and the list goes on..Who has time for all this drama!!!
And IPT..... I always get the I'm too sick thing! He still doesn't admit to anything except for alcohol! But, the cold symptom's are my validation! Thanks for the encouraging word....
Ann you are right to a certain extent. I have been hurting so long that finding out this new information is only helping me to actually heal. I think that I have been through sooo much that I am so not hurting right now. Many people on SR experience the hurt from only the addicts they love but, in my case my husband allowed another woman to come in and treat me like dirt. i know some peopl on here have experienced it but, not to the extent that I have. I have a restraining order on the girl and he continues to see her and talk to her. She has called my house, tapped into my cell phone account(representative was fired for this), sit in front of my house, sit around the corner from my daughter's school, lied to my husband about me calling her, called his job and impersonated me, used a internet site to change her caller ID and input my cell to make it look like I was harrassing her(YES...this does exsist), text messaged from her computer putting information in as if she were me...and the list goes on..Who has time for all this drama!!!
And IPT..... I always get the I'm too sick thing! He still doesn't admit to anything except for alcohol! But, the cold symptom's are my validation! Thanks for the encouraging word....
Member
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Philadelphia, PA
Posts: 611
Hi Unhappy!
I'm sorry this is all happening too fast!
You have your answers now to rest easy and start to heal. You have belief in your Higher Power and he has given you the hope and way out you needed. Take his sign and believe that he will guide you to a more promising future.
Try not to focus on what was addict behavior or not. Nothing he did or does makes sense to a rational, healthy person. Your self worth and self esteem won't be able to recover if you self blame, self-pity or figure out how a person is even capable of causing this type of pain onto another. I remember when my RBF told me a week after his relpase and entering into detox (his mind still messed up from the drugs) that when he uses he "doesn't give a F about anything." Sadly, it's true. When they are using, they could care less about their own flesh and blood (children).
My prayers are with you and your family at this time.
I'm sorry this is all happening too fast!
You have your answers now to rest easy and start to heal. You have belief in your Higher Power and he has given you the hope and way out you needed. Take his sign and believe that he will guide you to a more promising future.
Try not to focus on what was addict behavior or not. Nothing he did or does makes sense to a rational, healthy person. Your self worth and self esteem won't be able to recover if you self blame, self-pity or figure out how a person is even capable of causing this type of pain onto another. I remember when my RBF told me a week after his relpase and entering into detox (his mind still messed up from the drugs) that when he uses he "doesn't give a F about anything." Sadly, it's true. When they are using, they could care less about their own flesh and blood (children).
My prayers are with you and your family at this time.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Philadelphia, PA
Posts: 611
Originally Posted by UNHAPPY777 
I have a restraining order on the girl and he continues to see her and talk to her. She has called my house, tapped into my cell phone account(representative was fired for this), sit in front of my house, sit around the corner from my daughter's school, lied to my husband about me calling her, called his job and impersonated me, used a internet site to change her caller ID and input my cell to make it look like I was harrassing her(YES...this does exsist), text messaged from her computer putting information in as if she were me...and the list goes on..Who has time for all this drama!!!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Lost in Ca
Posts: 253
I have tried everything to press charges. They told me that I can't prove that it was her. She calls me restricted and she's gone by the time the sheriff's get there. I though about recording her voice but, it is against the law. The one police officer told me that she was a nice lady...WTF NICE she was decieving him too.....She has warrants out for her arrest!!! I'm just skeptical of her aand her relationship with the police. Right now it's hard for me to trust anyone. I don't know what type of pull she has......
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Lost in Ca
Posts: 253
Thank You...I just got back from lunch and it's starting to kick-in....HEY I'm gonna be single ...Oh well!! I have so many mixed emotions right now!! I'm rambling .. Sometimes I ask myself to remember the bad time and cherise the good. I remember my husband use to call me 7-8 times a day and now he doesn' even call once a week!!!! Why are some people wired to be so cold and heartless! I think it will be better when he gets OUT!!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Philadelphia, PA
Posts: 611
I went through this with my ex husband. He was a non addict but when I finally made the decision to get out of the marriage after him cheating... he was the meanest little snake in the grass. I spent years putting up with his emotionally detached self and irresponsible behaviors, that he will now act like he has some emotions because I'm wanting to detach now. FOH! LOL.
Once the detaching and divorce was over, I felt the biggest relief. You will get there as well.
Once the detaching and divorce was over, I felt the biggest relief. You will get there as well.
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