Creekryder

It seems to have been ages since I have last visited here. So much has gone by and I have been oblivious to it.

Do some of you remember the old Lon Chaney movie, "The Wolfman?" I often feel like Lawrence Talbot, the hapless victim of Lycanthropy, as he pleads to his friend to lock him in the room before he becomes the beast at the full moon.

6 p.m. is my "full moon." That is the time the beast stirs deep within and begins its process of devouring me. I feel a part of me cry out for help as the affliction removes my will and consumes the rational being, leaving the shell of a drunk in its place.

I have stepped over the line. I have progressed to a stage in alcoholism that frightens the hell out of me. I make the 3 a.m. promise that this is the last, yet, as the "moon" arises, I find I have become the beast again.

Spare me the remarks of suffering from self-pity; I suffer from much greater ills than that. My post today is meant for the newcomers, the ones who don't know for sure if they have a problem, the ones who down deep feel they can still handle their drinking even though they realize a problem. I write for these. I stand before them with bloodshot eyes, slurring words, and reeking with the stench of alcohol, staggering over to the cache of beer hidden out in the shed where no one knows its there. Does that scare you. I hope so. I hope it scares the living #@%# out of you and allows you to see the path that awaits you if you don't continue with your commitment.

Please don't take this as the ramblings of a madman, though I certainly may be, but as a pleading...a shoulder-shaking to help you commit to your decisions to abstain. I am stone-cold sober as I write to you. But do not follow me, as my fears grow and once again I will plead with a friend to lock the room I am in, for I know the full moon comes again, as it has for years.

Peace,
Padraic

Surlyredhead

I wish I could give you that in person Padraic, I am always here for you if you need to talk/vent/ramble etc.

Cathy

Tazman53

Creekryder welcome back, you know the beast can be locked away, mine is. For 5 years straight he owned me.

Astro

You've shared a powerful message Padraic, something everyone can learn from.

But there is a solution for those who have the desire. I pray you can slay the beast before it consumes you.

gravity

Go to AA, talk to your doctor, see an addictions counselor...anything (maybe everything)! No one has to live like this. Help is out there but you have to do the work.

Anna

Hey Padraic,

It's so good to see you here!

I know this disease is a matter of life and death and your post will surely help newcomers to understand how frightening it can be.

Please take care of yourself!

888 pancakes

hi creek,

i'm a newcomer and reading your post was really really helpful & it definitely spoke to me. thanks so much for posting that. i'm not sure what else to say for now... i did post a short while ago about two things though that have proven extremely helpful for me (i'm on day 13 of sobriety).
1) kudzu - an herb - google it. it really does help control cravings.
2) a book called 'the zen of recovery' by mel ash.

of course everyone has their own path - what may be helpful for one person may not be so for another but just wanted to share it with you anyway.

thanks again for the post.

888pancakes :ghug3

Hevyn

I'm so happy to see you too! I was wondering where you've been. I hope you'll keep posting - we have alot to learn from you & perhaps we can be of some help.

The way you describe yourself was me exactly, Padraic. I had a stash of beer in my guestroom closet. I'd drink from it all day & when my husband came home with our "evening's supply" of 12 beers I'd already be half in the bag. He never knew (or didn't seem to). Next day I'd walk to the store and refill my supply. Once walked through a hurricane to get there. I was so bad I couldn't even go to the grocery store without taking something with me in my purse to slug down in the ladies room. (I'd shake, you know....) I had it by my bedside in the end & couldn't get through the night without it. You said you were sober when you wrote your post - but I was never sober in the end. I finally dumped my last one down the drain 5 mos. after arriving at SR. These people (and YOU) gave me the courage to lay it down.

I was a slave, but I've broken free of my chains after 25+ years. You can too. I'm so glad you came here to tell us what's been going on. Please keep posting. Sending love.

Creekryder

Thank you all for your concerns. My earlier post actually made me feel a little better. Sort of the confessional effect, I guess. But I do concern myself with the welfare of others and sometimes not enough for myself. The analogy of the "werewolf" actually fits pretty well. Physically, of course not, but mentally, an uncontrollable presence takes me to where I struggle not to go, but I go.

It is now 17:25, my time, and the moon is rising. However, I am "blessed" this afternoon with mild flu symptom that have been passed around at work. I say blessed, as I am able to ignore the cravings and will have time to write, read, and belay the curse. One day at a time, right? I have posted that myself many times.

Send me strength, dear ones, I have never needed it more.

Peace—
Padraic

Dee74

good to see you CR, and thanks for your share

please do stick around tho - you're not as doomed as Larry Talbot, if you don't
want to be

D

Astro

All this talk about werewolves made me think of this YouTube - Walter Egan -Fool Moon Fire Enjoy a fun tune and stick around for awhile Padraic.

Rowan

I agree - you're not doomed - only if you decide you are, Padraic.

I hope you fight back. You're worth it.

Creekryder

Just need the silver bullet (figuratively, not in actuality.) I just want to kill the beast so that I will be able to live. Thanks, all!

888 pancakes

hey creek,

i'm trying to reply to your message but it's saying i can't cuz i haven't posted enough! doh! let me post a bit more then hopefully it'll work.

peace brother,
pancake

Rusty Zipper

creeky,

time to tame the beast!

Lon Chaney was called the man of many faces...

and a great quote of his...

""The dwarfed, misshapen beggar of the streets may have the noblest ideals."

creeky,

we hope you put on another face!

coffeenut

Your post may have been for newcomers, but it hit a chord with me, too. I've been sober over a year, now.....and I so remember that 6:00 monster, but for me it was 5. I need to remember that....because that alcoholic demon will start knocking on my door if I'm not diligent.....so, I thank you for reminding me of that.

Creek...I sure hope you hang out with us....can't hurt, right?

Creekryder

I really was in the mood tonight to do some posting and talk to some of my SR friends. But I have been forced to use my blkberry because the storms we are having ko'd the DSL. I am not well versed at using the phone except for texting, twitter, and occasionally for facebook, all of which allow the abreviations and symbols in a very short burst of words. So if the Ozarks do not wash to the sea tonight, I will return, hopefully on my laptop and a functioning DSL modem.

By the way, because of the storm, the moon was not available and the evil did not transpire. That's one down. Here we go. Bless you, one and all and well talk more tomorrow.

Peace-
Padraic

monkey1

I didn't 'know' you before Padraic, but I am glad you have come back to SR. Congrats on day 1 and the courage to start again. You can do this!

CarolD

Welcome back ...

I certainly hope this will be the time you finally quit.
Prayers coming your way

Creekryder

Good morning to all. Slept peacefully through the night and awoke at 06:15. Off work today to take daughter to school and then 2 hour trip to a gallery to promote my wife's artwork. Different this morning...no hangover. You'd think I would listen more to my body.

...And, no full moon this day.

Peace--
Padraic