A big welcome to sophie100
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 2
A big welcome to sophie100
so i need help because i don't even know if my husband is an alcoholic..i think he is but i am so confused...he drinks everyday at least some beers and some hard alcohol......he never acts drunk...never looks drunk.........except sometimes on the weekends when he gets really indulgent...i just don't understand what he is thinkning...i beg and i have gotten him one time to finally admit he has a problem but then he alwasy goes back...i threaten to leave him but it doesn't work...i was stupid to believe this would work.....we have two kids and i live in fear of what they will end up like...he says it just tastes good but not that he has to have it..i am in desperate need....he walks in the door and has a drink...if there is ever a night where he doesn't drink...he seems to think that he deserves an oscar and then he can make up for it the next night
need lots of help..............how do i know if he is an alcoholic...i have begged for him to get help and to no avail.........he never does...what do i do
need lots of help..............how do i know if he is an alcoholic...i have begged for him to get help and to no avail.........he never does...what do i do
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 2
so when you say needs to drink...what exactly do you mean....i mean he goes to work and holds a job and doesn't drink but he says that he tries to say in his head not to go get another beer or bourbon but he physically can't stop himself from getting another one...what does that mean? i don' tknow why i am searching for a label...i just want help from feeling like this...it is ruling my life
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Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: AL
Posts: 34
sophie, the answer is, it isn't your place to decide if he is an alcoholic, that's his call and his alone. the label doesn't really matter.
it sounds as if his drinking bothers you for whatever reason? what are those reasons?
if you start there, looking at the reasons his drinking bothers you and addressing that with YOURSELF, not him, you'll see more clearly.
in what ways does his drinking affect your life in a negative way, etc.
for me, these answers were easy...my husband is a violent alcoholic. he is loud and obnoxious and cannot be ignored. i blamed the drinking on this. i'm learning, it isn't just his drinking. he doesn't drink daily....he's a binge drinker, every few weekends. when i realized everything could just be blamed on his drinking because the time in between wasn't peachy either, the picture got clearer and clearer, denial faded, etc.
it sounds as if his drinking bothers you for whatever reason? what are those reasons?
if you start there, looking at the reasons his drinking bothers you and addressing that with YOURSELF, not him, you'll see more clearly.
in what ways does his drinking affect your life in a negative way, etc.
for me, these answers were easy...my husband is a violent alcoholic. he is loud and obnoxious and cannot be ignored. i blamed the drinking on this. i'm learning, it isn't just his drinking. he doesn't drink daily....he's a binge drinker, every few weekends. when i realized everything could just be blamed on his drinking because the time in between wasn't peachy either, the picture got clearer and clearer, denial faded, etc.
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Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Boston
Posts: 2,936
from sophie100:need lots of help..............how do i know if he is an alcoholic...i have begged for him to get help and to no avail.........he never does...what do i do
Hi Sophie! What can you do? You can get help for yourself. Just for you. That's a good place to start.
Are you williong to try AlAnon or counseling? Are you familiar w/ AlAnon - it's free and anonymous and designed to help the family members/loved ones of alcoholics. There is even AlaTeen - how old are your kids?
Maybe start a new thread- it will get you more responses. You're not alone, many have walked in your shoes on this board.
peace,
b
Hi Sophie! What can you do? You can get help for yourself. Just for you. That's a good place to start.
Are you williong to try AlAnon or counseling? Are you familiar w/ AlAnon - it's free and anonymous and designed to help the family members/loved ones of alcoholics. There is even AlaTeen - how old are your kids?
Maybe start a new thread- it will get you more responses. You're not alone, many have walked in your shoes on this board.
peace,
b
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Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Between the ocean and the mountains
Posts: 653
Welcome, Sophie.
Keep reaching out. You will find your answers.
He sounds like a maintenance drinker. They can go decades like this, holding respectable jobs and at home drinking and bullying their families, convincing their spouse their drinking is not the problem but she is, one day bitter and mean and the next day nice and helpful, and their children suffering chronic anxiety and dread because the children know nothing can be trusted to stay the same one day to the next.
Sophie, it sounds like he has no intention of changing. He is telling himself that if nothing changes at home, then he doesn't have to.
He will let you talk yourself blue in the face and he will keep on drinking.
The alcoholic hears only what you DO.
When you are strong and sure enough to finally lay down a bottom line and stick by it, willing to lose the marriage unless he cleans up, then he MIGHT seek help.
But a lot of the time--perhaps most of the time--the alcoholic would rather lose the wife than lose the drink.
Sophie, Do Not Give Up. This is no way to live.
Bluejay
Keep reaching out. You will find your answers.
He sounds like a maintenance drinker. They can go decades like this, holding respectable jobs and at home drinking and bullying their families, convincing their spouse their drinking is not the problem but she is, one day bitter and mean and the next day nice and helpful, and their children suffering chronic anxiety and dread because the children know nothing can be trusted to stay the same one day to the next.
Sophie, it sounds like he has no intention of changing. He is telling himself that if nothing changes at home, then he doesn't have to.
He will let you talk yourself blue in the face and he will keep on drinking.
The alcoholic hears only what you DO.
When you are strong and sure enough to finally lay down a bottom line and stick by it, willing to lose the marriage unless he cleans up, then he MIGHT seek help.
But a lot of the time--perhaps most of the time--the alcoholic would rather lose the wife than lose the drink.
Sophie, Do Not Give Up. This is no way to live.
Bluejay
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Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: FL
Posts: 14,246
Welcome Sophie. 
We have lots of others here who will understand and share how it was for them, what they did to make things better for themselves and how life is now. This is often described as sharing our ESH: Experience, Strength & Hope; and it how we like to help on another here on SR.
There are some special threads and resources found at the top of each forum; called Stickies, that have alot of good information for you. You might want to take a look up there when you can.
It's nice to meet you.
We have lots of others here who will understand and share how it was for them, what they did to make things better for themselves and how life is now. This is often described as sharing our ESH: Experience, Strength & Hope; and it how we like to help on another here on SR.There are some special threads and resources found at the top of each forum; called Stickies, that have alot of good information for you. You might want to take a look up there when you can.
It's nice to meet you.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: USA
Posts: 646
Hi Sophie, welcome. I'm sorry you are going through this, but I am glad you found us! There is a wealth of help here as well as people willing to share ESH (experience, strength, and hope).
Pull up a chair and spend some time reading the stickies at the top of this forum. There is also a great series of books called "Getting Then Sober" by Toby Rice Dews. You can find excerps online and my library has them. The title is a trick because it is really not about that. It is abour how to help the non-alcoholic people.
Pull up a chair and spend some time reading the stickies at the top of this forum. There is also a great series of books called "Getting Then Sober" by Toby Rice Dews. You can find excerps online and my library has them. The title is a trick because it is really not about that. It is abour how to help the non-alcoholic people.
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