I don't think it's ever going to end...............
I don't think it's ever going to end...............
with the X that is. Every time I turn around with this guy it's something else. Starting with the phone call Friday night in regards to a paper for school in regards to our son. He called wanting to know my roommates medical status, said he needed to know for school and I asked if I could see the paper work first.
Turned into "you're not cooperating, I'm going to let the courts know, the school know, you aren't helping with your son, I'm writing a note on the paper work to take to school so the school knows that you weren't cooperating." and so on.................
I know I'm right on this one but the whole thing that I questioned is why he needed to know someone else's PRIVATE medical status. Also as his mom with equal rights I think I have a right to know why he's asking without being harassed in the process.
You know, I swear I'm not trying to be difficult but I would like to get through one week of not having a phone call with him that ends in "I'm going to write down this or that, I'm going to make sure the courts know that you are doing nothing to help me and that you don't care about your son."
Let me tell you how close to tears I've been to all weekend. He's stalked me on here, driven by the house, I feel like his phone calls are total harassment when all I'm doing is asking "why" and it's got to turn into I'm a horrible parent.
And I believe that the main reason why he's doing this is because he wants to pack up our son and move to another state with him for work so in the meantime he's working really hard on trying to prove that I'm an unfit parent.
Of course the whole "alcoholic" thing makes me feel completely doomed and defeated.
I am at my wits end people. I know for a fact I have done nothing wrong however I am so tired of being sick to my stomach and stressed over this man.
Thanks for letting me share.
Turned into "you're not cooperating, I'm going to let the courts know, the school know, you aren't helping with your son, I'm writing a note on the paper work to take to school so the school knows that you weren't cooperating." and so on.................
I know I'm right on this one but the whole thing that I questioned is why he needed to know someone else's PRIVATE medical status. Also as his mom with equal rights I think I have a right to know why he's asking without being harassed in the process.
You know, I swear I'm not trying to be difficult but I would like to get through one week of not having a phone call with him that ends in "I'm going to write down this or that, I'm going to make sure the courts know that you are doing nothing to help me and that you don't care about your son."
Let me tell you how close to tears I've been to all weekend. He's stalked me on here, driven by the house, I feel like his phone calls are total harassment when all I'm doing is asking "why" and it's got to turn into I'm a horrible parent.
And I believe that the main reason why he's doing this is because he wants to pack up our son and move to another state with him for work so in the meantime he's working really hard on trying to prove that I'm an unfit parent.
Of course the whole "alcoholic" thing makes me feel completely doomed and defeated.
I am at my wits end people. I know for a fact I have done nothing wrong however I am so tired of being sick to my stomach and stressed over this man.
Thanks for letting me share.
I'm sorry your ex is being such an @sshole. Just keep doing the next right thing, and it might help to make a list of these harassing phone calls. Or you could call or visit the school yourself to explain your problems with the ex should he make trouble at school.
Please try not to let him get to you too badly. YOu're in the right here, he's just playing 'offense', and playing 'hard ball' to boot. I'm glad you're not married to him anymore!
:ghug2
Please try not to let him get to you too badly. YOu're in the right here, he's just playing 'offense', and playing 'hard ball' to boot. I'm glad you're not married to him anymore!
:ghug2
Vegi do you have a lawyer? If you do use your lawyer.
It would not hurt to stay in contact with the school and let them know that you will be more then heppy to answer any questios they may have, heck it would not hurt to do this with a certified letter to the school with a certified copy to your ex. That way the school would know they can contact you any time and your ex will know that if the school has questions they can ask you directly.
Once again though, if you have a lawyer contact them before doing ANYTHING!
It would not hurt to stay in contact with the school and let them know that you will be more then heppy to answer any questios they may have, heck it would not hurt to do this with a certified letter to the school with a certified copy to your ex. That way the school would know they can contact you any time and your ex will know that if the school has questions they can ask you directly.
Once again though, if you have a lawyer contact them before doing ANYTHING!
6/20/08
Join Date: Sep 2008
Posts: 4,467
Do keep in contact w/the school. They can trust a caring parent a mile away. I do think the school can become your best ally.
Also...this guy wants you to fail, doesn't he? It's probably driving him nuts that you're doing so well. Ignore what you can with him.
Also...this guy wants you to fail, doesn't he? It's probably driving him nuts that you're doing so well. Ignore what you can with him.
aka Glenna :)
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Jupiter, Florida
Posts: 280
I'm so sorry this is happening to you. I do care a lot. In fact, it sounds like we are in a similar leaky boat trying to pitch out water. I post a lot in "Friends and Family" about my AH, trying to keep separate from this person and it being hard. Especially when they can be so cruel.
You are a good person, I already know that. Keep going down the path you're on, and your actions will speak a lot louder than anything he could ever say or do to you. You have a lot more power than you think. Have faith!!
You are a good person, I already know that. Keep going down the path you're on, and your actions will speak a lot louder than anything he could ever say or do to you. You have a lot more power than you think. Have faith!!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: West Palm Beach, Fl
Posts: 142
Sounds to me that your ex is a manipulating bully...just like my ex, who used to also stalk me, peek in my windows at night (actually got caught twice by neighbors). He was always trying to find out what I was doing, who I was seeing. The sad part is that he would always try to involve our son by questing him about me. I had to go in front of a judge to keep my ex from constantly disparaging me to our son. You will probably need a lawyer. At the very least get a restraining order to keep him away from you and DOCUMENT everything. Call the police everytime he stalks you. You need a paper trail. The judge will stop this harrassment immediately. Good luck. It does get better with time.
THANK YOU EVERYONE FOR YOUR RESPONSES!!!! Have I told you all lately how much I love you all!!!!
I don't know (((vegi))), but it sounds to me like he's gathering info to build some sick and sinister case against you. What is the custody arrangement? If it's joint then he may be looking to get full custody by proving to a judge that you and your housing situation is unfit for the child's best interests. He's definately manipulating you emotionally and may very well be creating a paper trail for future litigation against you.
Love the new avi!! Mow, vegi,......mow like the wind!!!
Love the new avi!! Mow, vegi,......mow like the wind!!!
Forum Leader
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Scottsdale, AZ, one big happy dysfunctional family!
Posts: 23,024
I can definitely relate to this. I've been divorced for just over 4 years, and it's no coincidence that my divorce and my sobriety started at the same time. Sometimes recovery saves marriages, but other times alcoholism has devastating effects on relationships and parenting. And I have to admit that I'm guilty of dishing it out, taking and practicing the 12 Steps doesn't guarantee perfection in handling parenting issues, I'm still a work in progress.
I can tell you from experience that with time it will most likely get better, but sometimes it's one step forward and two steps back. If I still saw eye-to-eye with my spouse on everything, we'd probably still be married, but it's the differences that tear marriages apart. What I do know for sure is that I have the choice every day to keep my side of the street clean. My ex can say, think, or do whatever she pleases, but that doesn't mean it's true and I don't have to react to it. It takes practice and patience to set and maintain boundaries, and to practice detachment as much as possible, but I find it to be a necessity in order to keep the peace.
The most powerful "tool" I can use is a Parenting Plan, it's sorta like the "rules and guidelines" for "playing nice". Any attempts to change or overrule the PP is contempt of court so it's not to be taken lightly. If you don't have one, please seek legal help and get one if they're available in your state.
I know you're stressing but get a load of this.......My ex is a teacher at a local high school, my son is a freshman this year and my daughter's in 6th grade. My "stinking thinking" tells me that she's badmouthed my name all over the public school system and I'm Public Enemy #1 when it comes to education. And we've had more than our share of battles over homework and other school-related issues. But honestly, I've never felt all that uncomfortable around my kids teachers, and if some of them do think poorly of me, that's their burden to bear, not mine. The only thing that's really important to me is being the best father I'm capable of being to my children. Most days, I feel like a hero, in spite of being an alcoholic in recovery. In fact, I'm damn proud of it.
If I may suggest, you might want to consider posting this in the Friends & Family forums, it'll open it up to further discussion with the "experts"
I can tell you from experience that with time it will most likely get better, but sometimes it's one step forward and two steps back. If I still saw eye-to-eye with my spouse on everything, we'd probably still be married, but it's the differences that tear marriages apart. What I do know for sure is that I have the choice every day to keep my side of the street clean. My ex can say, think, or do whatever she pleases, but that doesn't mean it's true and I don't have to react to it. It takes practice and patience to set and maintain boundaries, and to practice detachment as much as possible, but I find it to be a necessity in order to keep the peace.
The most powerful "tool" I can use is a Parenting Plan, it's sorta like the "rules and guidelines" for "playing nice". Any attempts to change or overrule the PP is contempt of court so it's not to be taken lightly. If you don't have one, please seek legal help and get one if they're available in your state.
I know you're stressing but get a load of this.......My ex is a teacher at a local high school, my son is a freshman this year and my daughter's in 6th grade. My "stinking thinking" tells me that she's badmouthed my name all over the public school system and I'm Public Enemy #1 when it comes to education. And we've had more than our share of battles over homework and other school-related issues. But honestly, I've never felt all that uncomfortable around my kids teachers, and if some of them do think poorly of me, that's their burden to bear, not mine. The only thing that's really important to me is being the best father I'm capable of being to my children. Most days, I feel like a hero, in spite of being an alcoholic in recovery. In fact, I'm damn proud of it.
If I may suggest, you might want to consider posting this in the Friends & Family forums, it'll open it up to further discussion with the "experts"
Vegi,
I hope you can get a lawyer too. It would help you a lot to have someone in your corner and a good strategy for dealing with this issue.
And, I agree that your ex is probably hoping you will fail, so keep doing what you're doing and prove him wrong.
I hope you can get a lawyer too. It would help you a lot to have someone in your corner and a good strategy for dealing with this issue.
And, I agree that your ex is probably hoping you will fail, so keep doing what you're doing and prove him wrong.
Sry vegi that you have to put up with totale BS.
Well you can tell him that while he is telling the courts all this bogus ****. He might as well ask them for a warrant to find out what your room mates medical status is.
It is illegal for one. And it isnt your place to be disclosing anyone's medical information.
I am sure you already knew that.
I agree you should consult with a lawyer.
Dont let him push you around. So what you WERE an alcoholic.
You have come a loooong way.
Be proud of that.
And remember..My fav saying when people rub me the wrong way.
F em if they dont like it.
Well you can tell him that while he is telling the courts all this bogus ****. He might as well ask them for a warrant to find out what your room mates medical status is.
It is illegal for one. And it isnt your place to be disclosing anyone's medical information.
I am sure you already knew that.
I agree you should consult with a lawyer.
Dont let him push you around. So what you WERE an alcoholic.
You have come a loooong way.
Be proud of that.
And remember..My fav saying when people rub me the wrong way.
F em if they dont like it.
Lawyers............don't you have to pay them or something? LOL!!
Well I am taking the suggestions and most of them I am already doing. Thank you for caring and sharing.
Well I am taking the suggestions and most of them I am already doing. Thank you for caring and sharing.
((vegibean))
Great advice here, I second what helpformyson, said, 'He is a bully.'
U did nothing wrong.
Do not let him get U down, he does not have that power over U, unless U give it 2 him.
Next time he calls say; " This does not invold our son so, I have no answer for you." trust me, this will make his day and yours too.
Stay strong.
Great advice here, I second what helpformyson, said, 'He is a bully.'
U did nothing wrong.
Do not let him get U down, he does not have that power over U, unless U give it 2 him.
Next time he calls say; " This does not invold our son so, I have no answer for you." trust me, this will make his day and yours too.
Stay strong.
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