sad
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: UK
Posts: 12
sad
hi im 26 i have been with my partner who is a heroin addict for 13 years he is 28 ,we have 5 kids together from 18 months to 9 years ,he got out of jail 11 weeks ago after serving 18 months in jail (he is on licence ) after only a few weeks of being home he went back to heroin , i was so upset im not a user and i dont give him money or i dont allow drugs in my home , anyway 6 days ago he was arrested for suspicion of burglary and has now gone back to jail on remand he will now have to serve atleast another 18 month an thats not only if he gets found guilty for this burglary he then could serve up to 5 years in jail im devestated (he has been on an off H for 10 years) i cant stop worrying about him as he is bi polar im terrified of him commiting suicide , i know he hates this life of drugs an crime but he just cant seem to get through it ,i know all about tough love etc but im deeply in love with him so i cant leave him , my head is soooo messed up , thanks for listening .....:praying
We Do Recover
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Texas
Posts: 2,619
Glad you are here. 
Sorry about what you are going through. All I can say is you must think of your children. They come first before him. The drugs have their grip on him if he is in active addiction. Drugs come first for him right now. There is nothing you can do to change that. If change is to take place with him--it must first come from him with the desire to stop using. There are programs that can help him...and for some people jail can be a turning point. My question for you--do you have a support group to lean on right now. Keep posting/sharing.....you are not alone.
Sorry about what you are going through. All I can say is you must think of your children. They come first before him. The drugs have their grip on him if he is in active addiction. Drugs come first for him right now. There is nothing you can do to change that. If change is to take place with him--it must first come from him with the desire to stop using. There are programs that can help him...and for some people jail can be a turning point. My question for you--do you have a support group to lean on right now. Keep posting/sharing.....you are not alone. Member
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Wishin' I was on the Beach!
Posts: 1,415
Welcome EMZ... keep reading and posting... this place will help you get some of your
sanity back. My STBexAH (soon to be ex addict husband) went to jail several times,
was lucky and got probation, but kept failing drug tests and they activated his sentence
and he served 2 years in prison. It is hard, but it can actually help them clear their
minds for awhile and reflect on why they are there. A sort of time out.
The thing is putting the focus on YOU and your children's happiness now. You can be happy no matter what is happening with your husband. An active addict is going to do what they are going to do. We can't fix them. Only they can fix themselves.
We help ourselves by learning all we can about addiction, not enabling and setting
boundaries.
Remember the 3'C's of addiction:
You didn't Cause it
You Can't Control it
You Can't Cure it
Keep reading and posting!!
sanity back. My STBexAH (soon to be ex addict husband) went to jail several times,
was lucky and got probation, but kept failing drug tests and they activated his sentence
and he served 2 years in prison. It is hard, but it can actually help them clear their
minds for awhile and reflect on why they are there. A sort of time out.
The thing is putting the focus on YOU and your children's happiness now. You can be happy no matter what is happening with your husband. An active addict is going to do what they are going to do. We can't fix them. Only they can fix themselves.
We help ourselves by learning all we can about addiction, not enabling and setting
boundaries.
Remember the 3'C's of addiction:
You didn't Cause it
You Can't Control it
You Can't Cure it
Keep reading and posting!!
grateful rca
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: atlanta, ga.
Posts: 4,671
welcome emz, sorry about your partner and i''m sorry you are hurting because of his actions. my ah has been in and out of jail too. i know how devastating this can be.
i know its painful and i know its hard, he's gonna do what he's gonna do and he won't stop until he gets sick and tired of the life he's living. i also understand that he says he wants to quit but what is his actions saying to you? is this the kind of life you want to live for the rest of your life? maybe its time since you are left with the time, to begin focusing more on you and your kids.
him going back to jail could be his hp's way of saving his life, try to think of it this way if it will help you get through all of this. this could even be or may not be, his breaking point. i pray that he finds his way soon and i pray that your hp protect and guide you in the way you should go.
i know its painful and i know its hard, he's gonna do what he's gonna do and he won't stop until he gets sick and tired of the life he's living. i also understand that he says he wants to quit but what is his actions saying to you? is this the kind of life you want to live for the rest of your life? maybe its time since you are left with the time, to begin focusing more on you and your kids.
him going back to jail could be his hp's way of saving his life, try to think of it this way if it will help you get through all of this. this could even be or may not be, his breaking point. i pray that he finds his way soon and i pray that your hp protect and guide you in the way you should go.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 3,335
Wow. Welcome. I can't say anything much better than Ray and Teke have said it. They have both been thru the ringer with addicts and they know what they are talking about. My heart breaks for you and your children.
I hope you will keep reading and posting here. You will find lots of support, encouragement and possible a little strength to do whatever it is that you decide to do.
But mostly take care of your children. They are the ones that are hurt the most by addiction.
I hope you will keep reading and posting here. You will find lots of support, encouragement and possible a little strength to do whatever it is that you decide to do.
But mostly take care of your children. They are the ones that are hurt the most by addiction.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: in my own world~
Posts: 1,237
EMZ~~~Can't add anything that hasn't been said but just wanted to stop by and send you a hug...for you and your children. I hope you have a support group at home that you can join to get that lift you need right now. Chin up girl. You have kids to love and hug....they are the most important things in your life right now. Hopefully your man will find his way back soon. Smiles, Bonnie
Member
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: iowa cornfields
Posts: 126
Your children are the legacy and sources of love to turn your mind to now. Sounds extremely tough on you. You sound like a good mother. Get support from the positive people in your life. Go to meetings, they help. You're one tough cookie.
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