Mother-In-Law
In Recovery
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Upper Midwest
Posts: 259
Mother-In-Law
While I'm on revelations, I think I now get it...why my ex-mother in law hated me so much.
The woman my ex will soon be marrying, is so much like me. We look similar, we have many similar likes and interests.
I always thought--maybe becuase she told me this--that the reason my mother in law hated, and I mean HATED me, from the start, and poisoned my husband's attitude towards me was becuase I had been divorced. I had been divorce so that my so-called 'husband' at the time could try to win back his MARRIED girlfriend. It wasn't my doing. I tried to make it work. But, none of that mattered to my 'new' husband's mother. I was divorced, that meant, Biblically speaking, I was an adulterous ***** in her eyes.
The man I married the second time has a weird sibling-like relationship with his mother. He is a mama's boy, as it turns out. This is why (a-ha moment) mama's boys are bad news.
My ex is nice to his soon-to-be new wife; accommodating, gives her far more allowances than I ever got (in other words, doesn't chew her out for leaving the windows open in the house during a warm day, or for doing something he asked her to do). I can only conclude from this that his mother does NOT hate this woman.
But this gal is divorced, also.
The only thing I can figure, then is, that it's because, when I dated my ex
(#2, if you're counting) in high school, I...here it comes...broke up with him. I didn't cheat on him, or play games with him, or wreck his car, or any of that kind of drama stuff that some high school girls do. I broke up with him, which, apparently, in his mother's opinion, is an unforgiveable offense.
It doesn't upset me to know he has a new woman in his life. There was never much love in that marriage in the first place, for me to be jealous. What makes me upset is that he could have been nice to ME the way he is nice to her. He didn't have to try to own me and force me and keep me in my place.
The only difference I'm able to facto in is his mother. He must be being nice to her, because his mother doesn't see her as something evil and wretched.
I don't know, really...just trying to figure it out, I guess.
The woman my ex will soon be marrying, is so much like me. We look similar, we have many similar likes and interests.
I always thought--maybe becuase she told me this--that the reason my mother in law hated, and I mean HATED me, from the start, and poisoned my husband's attitude towards me was becuase I had been divorced. I had been divorce so that my so-called 'husband' at the time could try to win back his MARRIED girlfriend. It wasn't my doing. I tried to make it work. But, none of that mattered to my 'new' husband's mother. I was divorced, that meant, Biblically speaking, I was an adulterous ***** in her eyes.
The man I married the second time has a weird sibling-like relationship with his mother. He is a mama's boy, as it turns out. This is why (a-ha moment) mama's boys are bad news.
My ex is nice to his soon-to-be new wife; accommodating, gives her far more allowances than I ever got (in other words, doesn't chew her out for leaving the windows open in the house during a warm day, or for doing something he asked her to do). I can only conclude from this that his mother does NOT hate this woman.
But this gal is divorced, also.
The only thing I can figure, then is, that it's because, when I dated my ex
(#2, if you're counting) in high school, I...here it comes...broke up with him. I didn't cheat on him, or play games with him, or wreck his car, or any of that kind of drama stuff that some high school girls do. I broke up with him, which, apparently, in his mother's opinion, is an unforgiveable offense.
It doesn't upset me to know he has a new woman in his life. There was never much love in that marriage in the first place, for me to be jealous. What makes me upset is that he could have been nice to ME the way he is nice to her. He didn't have to try to own me and force me and keep me in my place.
The only difference I'm able to facto in is his mother. He must be being nice to her, because his mother doesn't see her as something evil and wretched.
I don't know, really...just trying to figure it out, I guess.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Starting over all over again
Posts: 4,426
Hey there Kari 
One thing I have learned in al-anon is that sick people come from sick families. If I fall in love with a sick woman (which I did with my ex) then she's going to bring along all her sick relatives. (which my ex did)
For me, the answer is to stop trying to figure _them_ out, which is just an attempt at finding some angle thru which I can control them, and instead figure _me_ out, so I quit getting involved with sick people.
What are you doing for _you_, Kari? Today. How are you healing yourself from all the "stuff" you've been thru? Are you going to meetings? gotta sponsor? therapy?
Me? I'm going to see a sponsee later today, working on my art, slept in this morning (which for a control freak is a huge improvement) and going to do a little work on a commitment I have for a meeting.
Mike
One thing I have learned in al-anon is that sick people come from sick families. If I fall in love with a sick woman (which I did with my ex) then she's going to bring along all her sick relatives. (which my ex did)
For me, the answer is to stop trying to figure _them_ out, which is just an attempt at finding some angle thru which I can control them, and instead figure _me_ out, so I quit getting involved with sick people.
What are you doing for _you_, Kari? Today. How are you healing yourself from all the "stuff" you've been thru? Are you going to meetings? gotta sponsor? therapy?
Me? I'm going to see a sponsee later today, working on my art, slept in this morning (which for a control freak is a huge improvement) and going to do a little work on a commitment I have for a meeting.
Mike
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