Hi everyone
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: England
Posts: 16
Hi everyone Hi, im new here and not sure if i fit in as it were. Reading some of the posts im not sure. But here goes... My husband is a binge drinker who cant stop himself from taking drugs when he is drinking. He can go on a nine week bender, spending all our/his money and getting his drugs on tick. We have been together for 7 years and married for nearly 4. It is wrecking both our lives and although he had finally admitted he has a problem and gets angry with himself for doing it, we are in the process of getting help.
But i need help with this too! It is making me ill too, with depression, stress and so much worry that he will end up in a coffin. He is using more each time. I feel very alone and apart from a few friends and family, i have no one to talk to that really understands. I hope i have posted this in the right place, ive never done this before!
But i need help with this too! It is making me ill too, with depression, stress and so much worry that he will end up in a coffin. He is using more each time. I feel very alone and apart from a few friends and family, i have no one to talk to that really understands. I hope i have posted this in the right place, ive never done this before!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Boston
Posts: 2,936
It is making me ill too, with depression, stress and so much worry that he will end up in a coffin. He is using more each time. I feel very alone and apart from a few friends and family, i have no one to talk to that really understands.
We all understand!! Welcome!
Stress, depression, isolation are all very common for loved ones of alkies/addicts. The world becomes a topsy turvy place where the normal rules seemingly do not apply. But what I discovered is it is only because I made a choice to participate in this bending of the rules that I felt so crazed.
The fact that my involvement and attachment to my loved ones' addictions was making me physically ill was a serious sign that I needed help! We've all seen it or lived it on this board, codependency (or if you detest labels: living w/ & loving an alcoholic) can make you crazy and sick.
You have the choice, today, right now, to let go of his problems. Yes, I know - he is your husband, his problems affect your marriage etc. But you cannot control his problems or his choices - only yours.
Keep reading around this site- chk out the "stickies" at the top of the first page of this forum, and maybe make a little plan to buy a book/or hit the library and read Codependent No More, or find an AlAnon meeting near you, or find a good counselor for yourself. Any planning and baby steps towards those helping hands is a healthy choice for your own well-being!
And- don't laugh - do something nice for yourself today! Haircut? Ice cream cone? Walk in the park? Rent a good movie? So actually, DO laugh. Remind yourself that life is full of beautiful and joyful choices - and you can choose one. Just for today. You are free in this moment.
Easy does it.
Good luck- stick around--
peace,
b
We all understand!! Welcome!
Stress, depression, isolation are all very common for loved ones of alkies/addicts. The world becomes a topsy turvy place where the normal rules seemingly do not apply. But what I discovered is it is only because I made a choice to participate in this bending of the rules that I felt so crazed.
The fact that my involvement and attachment to my loved ones' addictions was making me physically ill was a serious sign that I needed help! We've all seen it or lived it on this board, codependency (or if you detest labels: living w/ & loving an alcoholic) can make you crazy and sick.
You have the choice, today, right now, to let go of his problems. Yes, I know - he is your husband, his problems affect your marriage etc. But you cannot control his problems or his choices - only yours.
Keep reading around this site- chk out the "stickies" at the top of the first page of this forum, and maybe make a little plan to buy a book/or hit the library and read Codependent No More, or find an AlAnon meeting near you, or find a good counselor for yourself. Any planning and baby steps towards those helping hands is a healthy choice for your own well-being!
And- don't laugh - do something nice for yourself today! Haircut? Ice cream cone? Walk in the park? Rent a good movie? So actually, DO laugh. Remind yourself that life is full of beautiful and joyful choices - and you can choose one. Just for today. You are free in this moment.
Easy does it.
Good luck- stick around--
peace,
b
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 1,888
Welcome! You are in the right place. Reaching out and admitting the affects of addiction in and around your life have become unmanageable is the first step towards a healthier life.
There is so much to read and to take in. It can be overwhelming, but do not let it stop you. Al-Anon is a fantastic way to seek recovery for yourself even if your loved one is not ready to do the same at this time. You don't have to attend meetings if you don't wish to, there are a lot of ways online to connect and feel supported. Of course, individual therapy with a professional educated in addiction has helped so many here, you can consider that option as well.
Keep posting and keep reaching out. We are here and we understand what you are going through.
My ex-boyfriend remains a heavy binge drinker and had gotten into using pot during the last year of relationship. I have been separated from him now for almost 2 months after 10+ years together. It took me a decade to finally say I had enough and wanted to be healthy even if he couldn't do the same. Leaving an addict is not always necessary, but in my case our relationship was over for several years, I just could never let it go.
I am so glad you are here, of course not for the reason that brought you. I hope you'll stay and share more thoughts with us.
Alice
There is so much to read and to take in. It can be overwhelming, but do not let it stop you. Al-Anon is a fantastic way to seek recovery for yourself even if your loved one is not ready to do the same at this time. You don't have to attend meetings if you don't wish to, there are a lot of ways online to connect and feel supported. Of course, individual therapy with a professional educated in addiction has helped so many here, you can consider that option as well.
Keep posting and keep reaching out. We are here and we understand what you are going through.
My ex-boyfriend remains a heavy binge drinker and had gotten into using pot during the last year of relationship. I have been separated from him now for almost 2 months after 10+ years together. It took me a decade to finally say I had enough and wanted to be healthy even if he couldn't do the same. Leaving an addict is not always necessary, but in my case our relationship was over for several years, I just could never let it go.
I am so glad you are here, of course not for the reason that brought you. I hope you'll stay and share more thoughts with us.
Alice
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