alice4x5

Hi. I am a 23 year old alcoholic. I have been struggling with my alcohol use for quite some time now. Have gotten myself into trouble, been to jail 3 times, gotten in drunken car accidents, 2 duis, loss of friends and lovers (to name a very select few) and I was still lying to myself saying that I didn't have a problem. I thought because I am only 23, doing excellent in school...I should be allowed to party...right? Guess I can't handle it. I don't understand why I am different from my friends. Why they don't make stupid decisions while drinking or why I just can't "drink responsibly?" There is no such thing as stopping at 1 or 2 drinks so I will be okay to drive, or knowing when to stop so I don't blackout and forget everything that happens....then end up saying stupid crap or making out with some random dude as my boyfriend watches from the other side of the room (yeah, he left me that night...and I drove wasted to his house to try and fix things, made an ass of myself, then passed out in the car). Haven't spoken to him since...he said he never wanted to see my face again. This was a year ago...and I am still not over it.

I knew if I continued I would end up in jail from driving and killing someone, dead from walking in front of a speeding bus because I hated everything so much, or just plain brain dead. I have realized my problem for a long time but never really thought I needed to fully QUIT...ya know? I tried to "cut back"...but then I would just go all out next time.

Anyway, that's basically it....and I say basically in all sense of the word. I am sure you all understand the complications that go along with addiction...that is just what is on my mind right now.

...it's going to be so hard being so young and trying to keep this up when everyone I know drinks....especially my mom (I am guessing alcoholism runs in the family.)

this is really long...sorry.

ANGELINA243

Wow! You remind me so much of myself. I was a problem drinker by age 18 and was I think perhaps alcoholic by age 22....although I didn't realize it then. I too have had car wrecks and have been to jail. Luckily I never harmed anyone else or killed anyone while driving in that condition. If you are alcoholic, and continue to drink....chances are things will only get worse. Glad you are here. You are not alone. Welcome to SR!

CherryD

Welcome. I can relate a lot to your post. I'm 24 and it's hard to wrap my mind around not being able to act like all my friends do. I went to a party tonight where my friends were popping pills. I had to leave with them all yelling at me "boo you're boring" But I can't stop in the morning like they do and I don't know when when I've had enough.

Dee74

Hi Alice4X5

Welcome to SR

It's really hard to accept you have a problem when you''re young, and it's even harder to want to do something about it...but thats what we're here for - support when you need it.

I hope you decide to act now and not waste 20 years like I did, Alice...and it really doesn't get better...just when you think it can't get worse it does.

D

thirtybubba

Welcome Alice!

I got a couple--well, 6--years on you, but can relate to most of that (actually all the above posters). I too, am successful in school, and I did it all on a flood of alcohol.

I'm doing this sober thing inside the dorms, so trust me when I say everybody drinks around here. I come home five days a week to a small liquor store on my kitchen table. It is hard, but possible.

You seeing that your drinking is out of control, that's a big positive on your side. I see lots of people who have no idea how out of control they are, but now that I'm sober, I can't help but notice...

Have you stopped drinking?

Stay around SR, there's lots of support around here. Read some, post some, and don't drink some.



-TB pretending to be a poet

CarolD

Glad you are here with us....
Welcome!

Tazman53

I like that Bubba!!!

Welcome to SR Alice! I was 52 before I was able to admit that I was defeated by alcohol, that I had no business drinking unless I wanted to commit a very slow suicide. I was where you are at now at your age and I blindly continued on fooling myself over and over again thinking I can control the beast and still enjoy the beast!!!

Let me tell you that you are not alone in where you are at right now, even at your age. You are in an awesome area to go to AA if you want to, there are tons of meetings in LA and many of them are younger people ranging in age from 18 (some younger) to 30 something. Even in the little place I live in we have several younger groups.

Check out some meetings, what do you have to lose? Some time drinking or sitting around thinking about drinking?

What do you have to gain? Possibly years and years of happy alcohol free living life instead of existing for a drink.

tommyk

Alice, welcome to SR.

There are a LOT worse afflictions we could have, that other people DO have, than issues with alcohol. Count your blessings that you have issues with alcohol and not something more serious, whenever you begin thinking "why me?".

This type of thinking helped me ALOT when I was in a hospital rehab unit, learning to manage my own destiny (learning to choose to not drink), all the while thinking about the people in some of the other hospital wards who had no choices regarding their situations.

Just curious - have you come to the conclusion that you cannot control your alcohol intake once you get started?

Keep coming back.

Kablume

Glad you are here! I have been where you are. But it has taken me a couple of trips (I am now 50) through the doors of AA to accept I am powerless over alcohol. I hope for you that doesn't have to happen. Welcome to SR. There is help here if you want it.

PurpleCat

Welcome, Alice

meo348241

Hi Alice...I relate to your story quite a bit. When I was 23 I was quite the alcoholic yet I managed to do really well with my studies as well as holding down a steady job. I guess youth allows us to pull off the seemingly impossible sometimes. I'll tell you that it won't last forever. It was also at 23 that I wrecked two cars drunk within the span of 6 months. The 2nd one, I was blacked-out but I'm still pretty sure that I was trying to kill myself. I ran my car straight into a telephone poll. My head went right through the windshield, yet I was still able to run away from the scene of the accident. Anyway, my point is that its only going to get worse if you keep drinking.

Unlike a lot of others in recovery, I do think that we alcoholics and addicts are very unique and that our paths to recovery will all look very different. However, there is one thing that is true for each and everyone of us. We cannot use drugs or alcohol successfully and that this problem will only get worse over time. This sucks, especially at your age. I feel for you.

However, perhaps my story can shed some light on what you might be facing if you continue to drink. After that second accident, I checked into rehab. Was clean for a bit but decided that I hadn't had enough yet. I still wanted to live my youth in the only manner I knew how. Hang out with friends, go to bars, stay out all night, use drugs, sell drugs, get laid, get into fights, get beat up. For whatever stupid reason, I thought I could handle all that. Well up until 5 months ago my life has been a complete mess. I couldn't handle it. I made a lot of bad choices and messed a lot of stuff up in the process. I can only think back with regret about how things might be for me today had I just gotten clean when I was 23. I know that you said that you've screwed some things up already. Why add to that? Right now I'm dealing with all the problems I created up to the age of 28. I'd give almost anything to take the last five years of problems off of that list.

Hang in there. This will in no way be an easy endeavor. Be proactive in your recovery. If something doesn't work for you or feel right, find something that does. Just stay sober. You'll find a lot of support on here. Seek it out in the real world too, its there, you just have to find it.

Anna

Welcome, Alice!

I`m glad you made the decision to stop drinking.

Sikkisirus

Welcome Alice

monkey1

Welcome to SR, Alice. I'm glad you found us.

sailorjohn

Welcome!!!

Keep coming back, you'll find a lot of support here.

Jade19

WELCOME!!! There is a lot of wonderful support here!!!

~Jade

Firehazard

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tallcactus

So glad that U decided to get clean and sober.
It only gets better.
Stay strong.

littlebluedog

Welcome to SR! You'll find a lot of support and advice here.

flutter

If I had come here at 23, my story would have been very similar (other than the DUIs and wrecks part). I would have thought I was too young to worry, and since I was in college and had straight A's, worked full time (insert other accomplisments and excuses to continue thinking I wasn't a drunk here). Another 10 years.. (holy **** it's been that long!?), and I sure got my drinking to a level of losing everything in my life, including my actual life. What I would give to have done other things with that 10 years. Sure, I survived.. I functioned, I even thought I functioned successfully.. but it was wasted, and I admit it now. I was stagnant, bored in life, drinking to feel, drinking not to.. party times for years and years. Gone.

So, I got sober in December. I saved my life. It saved my marriage. I bought a new amazing home, and I'm expecting a beautiful baby boy just a week before my 1 year sober day. THIS is the life I would have lived 10 years ago.. this amazing life, with my husband, dogs (I love em to bits!), family, friends, good job, etc etc. I'm happy I didn't spend another 10 years thinking I would quit 'one day'.. but boy did I waste a lot of life.

I guess that's my really really long winded way of saying 'welcome'. I know exactly where you're coming from. A lot of us do, and that is what makes this a great place to be.