SeventhDay
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Oregon
Posts: 50
SeventhDay
Hi everyone!
I'm brand new to this community...I couldn't find an AA meeting in my (very remote) area, so I spent the day reading posts here. So good to hear the many stories of recovery and hope--thank you all for sharing your stories.
Today's my 7th day of not drinking, and for the first time in a long time, I feel pretty positive. I was a “high functioning” alcoholic, drinking at least a 6-pack a day, often more, for probably about 15 years. I got my 2nd DUI about 2 months ago which of course, made me want to drink even more. Finally I got a lawyer (who just happens to be in recovery himself), who suggested I go to as many AA meetings as I could for my defense before sentencing. I wasn't sure I wanted to stop drinking. Plus, I strongly dislike meetings, I am very uncomfortable in crowds, and I'm strongly opposed to organized religion. So I thought I was going to hate AA.
But I forced myself to go to that first meeting. And a funny thing happened afterward: I didn’t want to drink. By the 3rd meeting, I realized there's actually a possibility for me to be happy--something I honestly haven’t thought possible for years. Six meetings later, I've met so many people who swear they are finally happy, and I keep thinking, “they can't all be delusional or lying”. In AA I’ve met people who’ve been to hell and back. And I realized that things would get much, much worse for me too if I kept drinking.
Listening to the stories of others, it's finally starting to sink in how so many of my negative character traits are what is making me so miserable, and that drinking encourages and nourishes those traits. You all know the symptoms: the judging, avoiding people, the negativity, the fear and intolerance. I’m taking a hard look at those things and seeing myself honestly for the first time.
Also, I never thought my drinking affected my personal relationships before, either. Right before I stopped drinking, my 5-year relationship basically ended—we still live together for now because he still loves me and is a nice enough guy to let me live in the house he owns until I get my legal problems settled and get a new place. Since I got sober, I’ve realized that, no, he’s not perfect, but he has always been there for me, no matter what. And in return, I repeatedly pushed him away and picked on him. It breaks my heart knowing how much I must have hurt him. Yesterday he said it’s been really great to see me lately because he doesn’t have to wonder “which girl he’s going to get” when he comes home. I’m more even-keeled, and even when something rattles me, I bounce back pretty quickly. (Plus he says it’s nice to kiss me without alcohol on my breath, and that I’m more pleasant to be around, more positive and accepting, and less judgmental.) But it's early in my recovery, and I think it may be too late to save this relationship, as a lot of damage has been done. But time will tell. At least we'll always be friends.
I know this isn't going to be easy. It's not the cravings so much as the old habits and automatic thoughts I have to deal with. Several times a day I still break down and cry for no reason, probably because I'm still detoxing. But every day I learn more about myself, and I’m really proud of my progress. But at least I have hope now, something I haven’t had in many years.
Sorry this was so long. Thanks for listening, and feel free to share any advice or experiences you have had. I can’t even begin to tell you how much hearing from others has helped me.
I'm brand new to this community...I couldn't find an AA meeting in my (very remote) area, so I spent the day reading posts here. So good to hear the many stories of recovery and hope--thank you all for sharing your stories.
Today's my 7th day of not drinking, and for the first time in a long time, I feel pretty positive. I was a “high functioning” alcoholic, drinking at least a 6-pack a day, often more, for probably about 15 years. I got my 2nd DUI about 2 months ago which of course, made me want to drink even more. Finally I got a lawyer (who just happens to be in recovery himself), who suggested I go to as many AA meetings as I could for my defense before sentencing. I wasn't sure I wanted to stop drinking. Plus, I strongly dislike meetings, I am very uncomfortable in crowds, and I'm strongly opposed to organized religion. So I thought I was going to hate AA.
But I forced myself to go to that first meeting. And a funny thing happened afterward: I didn’t want to drink. By the 3rd meeting, I realized there's actually a possibility for me to be happy--something I honestly haven’t thought possible for years. Six meetings later, I've met so many people who swear they are finally happy, and I keep thinking, “they can't all be delusional or lying”. In AA I’ve met people who’ve been to hell and back. And I realized that things would get much, much worse for me too if I kept drinking.
Listening to the stories of others, it's finally starting to sink in how so many of my negative character traits are what is making me so miserable, and that drinking encourages and nourishes those traits. You all know the symptoms: the judging, avoiding people, the negativity, the fear and intolerance. I’m taking a hard look at those things and seeing myself honestly for the first time.
Also, I never thought my drinking affected my personal relationships before, either. Right before I stopped drinking, my 5-year relationship basically ended—we still live together for now because he still loves me and is a nice enough guy to let me live in the house he owns until I get my legal problems settled and get a new place. Since I got sober, I’ve realized that, no, he’s not perfect, but he has always been there for me, no matter what. And in return, I repeatedly pushed him away and picked on him. It breaks my heart knowing how much I must have hurt him. Yesterday he said it’s been really great to see me lately because he doesn’t have to wonder “which girl he’s going to get” when he comes home. I’m more even-keeled, and even when something rattles me, I bounce back pretty quickly. (Plus he says it’s nice to kiss me without alcohol on my breath, and that I’m more pleasant to be around, more positive and accepting, and less judgmental.) But it's early in my recovery, and I think it may be too late to save this relationship, as a lot of damage has been done. But time will tell. At least we'll always be friends.
I know this isn't going to be easy. It's not the cravings so much as the old habits and automatic thoughts I have to deal with. Several times a day I still break down and cry for no reason, probably because I'm still detoxing. But every day I learn more about myself, and I’m really proud of my progress. But at least I have hope now, something I haven’t had in many years.
Sorry this was so long. Thanks for listening, and feel free to share any advice or experiences you have had. I can’t even begin to tell you how much hearing from others has helped me.
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Vancouver, BC
Posts: 219
Welcome UC, I find this place so comforting to hang out in, I love just reading old posts for hours...it is day 7 for me to...Yay for us!! I've never gone to a meeting, mostly for the reasons you mentioned...but I think I am going to go check one out this week. Congrats on your 7 days!!
Follow Directions!
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
Welcome to SR UniversesChild, AA is what saved this old alcoholics life, keep going to those meetings and hang around here as well, I use SR as a supplement to AA, there are some great folks here.
Trust me you are not the only one that thought:
I discovered just how supportive, accepting, & friendly AA was when I went to my first meeting..... I was drunk as a skunk and was going to an AA meeting to get my wife off of my butt!!! I had been drinking all day, I was plowed when my wife got home and she had a hissy fit, she said I was drunk all the time (True but at the time I didn't think so) and she was tired of it.
Well I found a meeting and headed out, of course I had to stop and get a 6 pack to take care of business on the way. I killed 3 before I got to the meeting, I was sure the meeting was going to be a whole bunch of broken down old miserable men drinking coffee and crying that they could not drink any more! Well you know what I found, a group of men and women, smiling, talking, EVEN laughing!!!! My God they looked like any one else you would see at the mall!!!
They came up to the old drunk (Me), shook my hand, welcomed me to the meeting, and showed me where the coffee was. After the meeting one guy went out of his way to catch me before I left and he gave me a hard copy of the book Alcoholics Anonymous and told me to keep coming back.
The above removed all of my prior beliefs about what I would find in AA and 5 years later while I was in detox I went to my second meeting and nothing had changed, the people were supportive, accepting and loving.
Just like the folks here at SR!
Trust me you are not the only one that thought:
I strongly dislike meetings, I am very uncomfortable in crowds, and I'm strongly opposed to organized religion. So I thought I was going to hate AA.
Well I found a meeting and headed out, of course I had to stop and get a 6 pack to take care of business on the way. I killed 3 before I got to the meeting, I was sure the meeting was going to be a whole bunch of broken down old miserable men drinking coffee and crying that they could not drink any more! Well you know what I found, a group of men and women, smiling, talking, EVEN laughing!!!! My God they looked like any one else you would see at the mall!!!
They came up to the old drunk (Me), shook my hand, welcomed me to the meeting, and showed me where the coffee was. After the meeting one guy went out of his way to catch me before I left and he gave me a hard copy of the book Alcoholics Anonymous and told me to keep coming back.
The above removed all of my prior beliefs about what I would find in AA and 5 years later while I was in detox I went to my second meeting and nothing had changed, the people were supportive, accepting and loving.
Just like the folks here at SR!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Oregon
Posts: 50
Thanks!
Thank you to everyone who replied. Congratulations to PrimalScream and Soberat23 for your courage and strength. It's kind of like learning to live all over again, isn't it?
Tazman-what you said about AA really touched me. I wish more people knew how non-judgmental and caring the people there really are. Had I any idea, I would have gone a long time ago. I was just too embarrassed and full of shame (and denial). I'm just glad I started going a week ago instead of waiting until I lost everything. Usually I am scared to death talking in front of a crowd, and on my 6th day I found myself in front of about 50 people, telling my story, with an almost unbelievable sense of calmness. Just amazing. Oh, and congratulations and going back and your ongoing sobriety. You are an inspiration!
Tazman-what you said about AA really touched me. I wish more people knew how non-judgmental and caring the people there really are. Had I any idea, I would have gone a long time ago. I was just too embarrassed and full of shame (and denial). I'm just glad I started going a week ago instead of waiting until I lost everything. Usually I am scared to death talking in front of a crowd, and on my 6th day I found myself in front of about 50 people, telling my story, with an almost unbelievable sense of calmness. Just amazing. Oh, and congratulations and going back and your ongoing sobriety. You are an inspiration!
Last edited by UniversesChild; 09-17-2009 at 11:20 AM. Reason: forgot something
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,476
Hi and Welcome!
I'm so glad that you're doing well, and congratulations on your first week sober.
It sounds like you are seeing positive changes in your life, and that you're grateful for your friend's support. You're right, stopping is easier than staying stopped, because it involves making changes. But, you can do it.
I'm so glad that you're doing well, and congratulations on your first week sober.
It sounds like you are seeing positive changes in your life, and that you're grateful for your friend's support. You're right, stopping is easier than staying stopped, because it involves making changes. But, you can do it.
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