Terrified!!
aka Glenna :)
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Jupiter, Florida
Posts: 280
Terrified!!
I just found out that my sis-in-law (who is watching my 2-year-old) accepted a job offer, which means my daughter will be coming back home WAY sooner than expected. I am so nervous. I only have 11 days sober and am trying to get my life and finances straightened out. I feel like I did such a bad job taking care of her when I was at my worst. What if that happens again?
Before there was no timetable, just when we all felt we were ready, but now time is running out, and I'm scared to death. What if I can't handle it? She is such a wonderful girl and deserves my very best, and I'm afraid I won't be able to give it to her. Help!!
Before there was no timetable, just when we all felt we were ready, but now time is running out, and I'm scared to death. What if I can't handle it? She is such a wonderful girl and deserves my very best, and I'm afraid I won't be able to give it to her. Help!!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
Cath, slow down and get back into the moment right in front of you.
I landed a full-time job and was a single parent of an 8 year old daughter at a little over 30 days clean/sober.
Was I scared? Yes. However, I had found a wonderful circle of people in recovery to support me. I never had to do anything alone again. I could go to a meeting. I could pick up the phone and call a friend. I could call my sponsor.
It's those 'what ifs' that will drive us crazy. Don't future trip. Talk to your higher power. Talk to others in the program about all the feelings you are having.
If I can do it, so can you. I ended parenting two daughters by myself for the most part over the years.
Did I make mistakes? Absolutely. There isn't a single parent on this earth who is perfect.
It will be okay, Cath. :ghug2
I landed a full-time job and was a single parent of an 8 year old daughter at a little over 30 days clean/sober.
Was I scared? Yes. However, I had found a wonderful circle of people in recovery to support me. I never had to do anything alone again. I could go to a meeting. I could pick up the phone and call a friend. I could call my sponsor.
It's those 'what ifs' that will drive us crazy. Don't future trip. Talk to your higher power. Talk to others in the program about all the feelings you are having.
If I can do it, so can you. I ended parenting two daughters by myself for the most part over the years.
Did I make mistakes? Absolutely. There isn't a single parent on this earth who is perfect.
It will be okay, Cath. :ghug2
Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: The Sunny South
Posts: 1,666
Hi Cath and congrats on the 11 days!!!
I am an alcoholic, and have 27 days this sober this time.
I am also a mom...
How old is your daughter?
Can you share a bit about why you don't think you can handle this?
Oh...and most importantly...take a deep breath....you don't need to be terrified.
I am an alcoholic, and have 27 days this sober this time.
I am also a mom...
How old is your daughter?
Can you share a bit about why you don't think you can handle this?
Oh...and most importantly...take a deep breath....you don't need to be terrified.
aka Glenna :)
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Jupiter, Florida
Posts: 280
My daughter is 2. Her whole life, I have been so embroiled in my own drama with my alcoholic husband (separated now) and myself that I have been unable to focus on much else. I have also greatly struggled financially, sometimes having to go to food pantries just to feed her a decent meal. I'm just barely up the mountain of getting that all straightened out. Her dad does not help support her at all.
It was also overwhelming, because I work at home, to take care of her and get my work done at the same time. I was hoping to be at the point where I could afford day care during the day when she got back, but right now I can't afford the start-up fees. I worry about getting overwhelmed again, getting stressed out, drinking, all of it. I am desperate to take good care of her--she needs it desperately. I'm so afraid I will fail.
I am going to share all this at the women's meeting tonight, hopefully they will understand.
It was also overwhelming, because I work at home, to take care of her and get my work done at the same time. I was hoping to be at the point where I could afford day care during the day when she got back, but right now I can't afford the start-up fees. I worry about getting overwhelmed again, getting stressed out, drinking, all of it. I am desperate to take good care of her--she needs it desperately. I'm so afraid I will fail.
I am going to share all this at the women's meeting tonight, hopefully they will understand.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: The Sunny South
Posts: 1,666
I am sure they will understand at your womens meeting.
And, I understand about feeling overwhelmed.
Take it one step at a time...don't plan the outcome.
You are her mother, you are sober, and you are working a program. Try to approach this as an opportunity to help your daughter learn from your recovery.
Freedom gave you a great example of how she did it.
I did it too, fortunately though, I have a husband who is a wonderful father.
Believe in yourself..have faith...and take it one step at a time.
And, I understand about feeling overwhelmed.
Take it one step at a time...don't plan the outcome.
You are her mother, you are sober, and you are working a program. Try to approach this as an opportunity to help your daughter learn from your recovery.
Freedom gave you a great example of how she did it.
I did it too, fortunately though, I have a husband who is a wonderful father.
Believe in yourself..have faith...and take it one step at a time.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: SE and then South some more
Posts: 2,648
I think Freedom really nailed a lot. Cath, it's ok and you're going to be ok. I would absolutely share in a meeting. Share what you shared with us.
I was right where you are two years ago and I had no home, no money, no job, no car. If I could have looked ahead and saw THEN where I would be TODAY, I would have thought I was going to win the lottery.
I have a great job, I just moved into a beautiful home in NPB, drive a lovely little VW Jetta and while I still consider myself broke, my bills are being paid. I DID THIS!!!!!!
Don't worry about tomorrow. All you have is right now. Just do what you can one step at a time. It will come, you'll get there.
In the meantime, you have all of us to hold you up, support you and cheer you on.
If I can do this Cath, so can you!!!! :ghug3
I was right where you are two years ago and I had no home, no money, no job, no car. If I could have looked ahead and saw THEN where I would be TODAY, I would have thought I was going to win the lottery.
I have a great job, I just moved into a beautiful home in NPB, drive a lovely little VW Jetta and while I still consider myself broke, my bills are being paid. I DID THIS!!!!!!
Don't worry about tomorrow. All you have is right now. Just do what you can one step at a time. It will come, you'll get there.
In the meantime, you have all of us to hold you up, support you and cheer you on.
If I can do this Cath, so can you!!!! :ghug3
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
I understand the fear of failure. You know what scares me worse? Success! 
Seriously, I'm already moving up in my job, and I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop. Crazy, isn't it?
I know how to struggle, barely making ends meet, living from paycheck to paycheck.
I'm looking at a good-paying, full-time job with benefits you wouldn't believe! That's a concept I'm unfamiliar with!
See? Even old bats like me still get scared!
We'll both get through our 'stuff', I promise.
Seriously, I'm already moving up in my job, and I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop. Crazy, isn't it?
I know how to struggle, barely making ends meet, living from paycheck to paycheck.
I'm looking at a good-paying, full-time job with benefits you wouldn't believe! That's a concept I'm unfamiliar with!
See? Even old bats like me still get scared!
We'll both get through our 'stuff', I promise.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,497
Cath, you CAN do this!
This is happening now because it is meant to be.
Yes, it's early in your sobriety. But, you know what, your daughter needs you. She needs her Mom and I think that having her with you, will help to remind you every single day, to stay sober. You will have a lot to deal with, but you will get through it.
This is happening now because it is meant to be.
Yes, it's early in your sobriety. But, you know what, your daughter needs you. She needs her Mom and I think that having her with you, will help to remind you every single day, to stay sober. You will have a lot to deal with, but you will get through it.
To Thine Own Self Be True
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: So Cal
Posts: 1,946
Cath,
I wish I could give you a hug right now. Since I can't
, I am glad that you are going to a women's meeting where you will get those hugs.
Ok, so the first thing I can tell is breathe. This is going to be one day at a time and often, one hour at a time, one minute at time.
You are not alone and you can do this. I wish you could feel my conviction on this. Your recovery and that little girl is all that matters right now. And of course you need to work so that you can care for you both. What a blessing you can work at home! This can be a very positive thing for you and your recovery if you just plan a little. But take it easy on yourself and remember to take time out to enjoy your little blessing. My daughter is my greatest joy today. Sometimes my house does not get cleaned but darned if I don't look at most drawings, listen to most jokes and answer tons of questions. She helps to keeps me balanced, focused, and in this moment.
You have so much support and I am so happy for you and your daughter as you begin this beautiful journey of your new lives! Welcome to SR!
Oh and the best part? If you don't drink no matter what, your daughter will not remember those first couple chaotic years, she will remember her strong, sober, beautiful mother.
I wish I could give you a hug right now. Since I can't
, I am glad that you are going to a women's meeting where you will get those hugs. Ok, so the first thing I can tell is breathe. This is going to be one day at a time and often, one hour at a time, one minute at time.
You are not alone and you can do this. I wish you could feel my conviction on this. Your recovery and that little girl is all that matters right now. And of course you need to work so that you can care for you both. What a blessing you can work at home! This can be a very positive thing for you and your recovery if you just plan a little. But take it easy on yourself and remember to take time out to enjoy your little blessing. My daughter is my greatest joy today. Sometimes my house does not get cleaned but darned if I don't look at most drawings, listen to most jokes and answer tons of questions. She helps to keeps me balanced, focused, and in this moment.
You have so much support and I am so happy for you and your daughter as you begin this beautiful journey of your new lives! Welcome to SR!
Oh and the best part? If you don't drink no matter what, your daughter will not remember those first couple chaotic years, she will remember her strong, sober, beautiful mother.
Owner of a strange glitch.
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: midsouth
Posts: 2,331
I also agree with everyone here...
Pause, take a breath.
The what-ifs are just maybes... you've already been through rough times, you're still here, you can surely get through some smoother times. And your daughter's smile will be right there, motivating you. A circle of women--and men--here on SR and at the meetings to support you when you need it.
You can do this, Cath.
-TB, with faith
Pause, take a breath.
The what-ifs are just maybes... you've already been through rough times, you're still here, you can surely get through some smoother times. And your daughter's smile will be right there, motivating you. A circle of women--and men--here on SR and at the meetings to support you when you need it.
You can do this, Cath.
-TB, with faith
aka Glenna :)
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Jupiter, Florida
Posts: 280
Thank you all so, so much!!
I went to the women's meeting and did share my concerns and fears. And I did receive a lot of support (and even hugs). One woman described how guilt and shame keep us in the victim role and keep us sick. Another said that God would not have put this in front of me if He didn't think I was ready.
Anyway, when I got back out to my car, there was a message from my sis-in-law. She told me that a woman from her church has offered to watch my daughter while my sis-in-law starts the new job, so there was no rush at all until I was ready for her to come home. As much as I want my daughter back NOW, I am grateful to have more time to put more into place for her arrival.
I will probably be a little nervous no matter when she comes home, but I have to trust that God will clear the way when the time is right and when He does feel that I'm ready and that everything will work out just fine. Of course, in early recovery, I'm still learning how to turn things over like that. I'm so glad I have all of you here and at meetings to help me whenever I forget.
Thanks again
I went to the women's meeting and did share my concerns and fears. And I did receive a lot of support (and even hugs). One woman described how guilt and shame keep us in the victim role and keep us sick. Another said that God would not have put this in front of me if He didn't think I was ready.
Anyway, when I got back out to my car, there was a message from my sis-in-law. She told me that a woman from her church has offered to watch my daughter while my sis-in-law starts the new job, so there was no rush at all until I was ready for her to come home. As much as I want my daughter back NOW, I am grateful to have more time to put more into place for her arrival.
I will probably be a little nervous no matter when she comes home, but I have to trust that God will clear the way when the time is right and when He does feel that I'm ready and that everything will work out just fine. Of course, in early recovery, I'm still learning how to turn things over like that. I'm so glad I have all of you here and at meetings to help me whenever I forget.
Thanks again
peaceful seabird
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: floating
Posts: 4,822
Wow! Look at the difference 4 1/2 hours can make in your life....you are calmer, your blood pressure has lowered, your breathing is normal, it's all good!
When I feel myself beginning to panic, I do two things.
First, I take some deep breaths:
Inhale and chant: peace in
Exhale and chant: fear out
Second, I ask myself this question:
Do I have to have all the answers by 3:00 p.m. today?
guess what? I get the same results when I do step one and two. I am calmer, more peaceful and I realize that I do not have to all the solutions right away. I can give myself time to make healthy decisions. I am learning to respond instead of react.
You're doing great. Congratulations on another day!
When I feel myself beginning to panic, I do two things.
First, I take some deep breaths:
Inhale and chant: peace in
Exhale and chant: fear out
Second, I ask myself this question:
Do I have to have all the answers by 3:00 p.m. today?
guess what? I get the same results when I do step one and two. I am calmer, more peaceful and I realize that I do not have to all the solutions right away. I can give myself time to make healthy decisions. I am learning to respond instead of react.
You're doing great. Congratulations on another day!
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