Of loose dogs, bullet wounds, and trying not to control
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Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: In the barn
Posts: 324
Of loose dogs, bullet wounds, and trying not to control
What a horrid couple of days it has been at home. On Sunday two of my dogs, who never EVER are aggressive, got in a fight with each other. My poor old boxer got the worst of it. He is OK, but it was scary. I sustained more than a few bruises separating them but luckily no lacerations. My daughter, who is bipolar and ADHD, has been tantruming more since the separation and I think the dogs are even starting to feel the strain of that. But this morning was even worse -- my bullmastiff and my mutt decided to try and escape the yard during morning potty break. They managed to find a place in the fence they could get over and went on a little walkabout. I guess they went in a neighbor's yard - I looked for them for about 20 minutes on foot before I started to run out of time; put the kids in the car and we drove around the block. Found the bullmastiff wagging her tail in the street, no sign of Mr. Mutt until we pulled back in the driveway and found him laying in front of the door. He had been shot 
He is still alive, but I have spent several hundred dollars I can't afford to get him stabilized. Hopefully he will recover at this point, because we simply can't afford anything more.
My H, who I know has even less money than I do right now, wanted to know why I wasn't having an xray done on the dog. I explained to him that I could not afford it to be done, for one, and that it wouldn't be money well spent since even if we knew where the bullet or pellet was (hopefully the vet's suspicion that it is just a pellet is correct) that wouldn't help us since we wouldn't be able to do surgery to remove it. I love my dog very much, but cannot spend money we don't have on expensive surgery. We are in bankruptcy; I have no savings, can't get credit, and need the few bucks I have left after the vet bills we already ran up to pay for gas and groceries until payday.
He called the vet's office and said he wanted to pay to have the xray done. They called me to verify I wanted it done and I told them to please wait, someone would call them back.
Then I did the wrong thing - I called him and tried to convince him that my reasons for not wanting it done were right and he shouldn't be spending money he doesn't have on doing this. Fortunately I lost my signal shortly into the call which gave me time to think about it. Then I called him back and said "Do what you want. I am not paying for it and have told you why. You can make your own decisions."
I don't know what he will do and I am working to get myself to understand that I don't need to know and I don't need to care or control it.
Why is this so hard for me to get?
Oh, and any prayers you can send up for Roscoe's recovery are appreciated. He is a sweet, handsome big lug of a mutt and doesn't deserve what's happened to him.
He is still alive, but I have spent several hundred dollars I can't afford to get him stabilized. Hopefully he will recover at this point, because we simply can't afford anything more. My H, who I know has even less money than I do right now, wanted to know why I wasn't having an xray done on the dog. I explained to him that I could not afford it to be done, for one, and that it wouldn't be money well spent since even if we knew where the bullet or pellet was (hopefully the vet's suspicion that it is just a pellet is correct) that wouldn't help us since we wouldn't be able to do surgery to remove it. I love my dog very much, but cannot spend money we don't have on expensive surgery. We are in bankruptcy; I have no savings, can't get credit, and need the few bucks I have left after the vet bills we already ran up to pay for gas and groceries until payday.
He called the vet's office and said he wanted to pay to have the xray done. They called me to verify I wanted it done and I told them to please wait, someone would call them back.
Then I did the wrong thing - I called him and tried to convince him that my reasons for not wanting it done were right and he shouldn't be spending money he doesn't have on doing this. Fortunately I lost my signal shortly into the call which gave me time to think about it. Then I called him back and said "Do what you want. I am not paying for it and have told you why. You can make your own decisions."
I don't know what he will do and I am working to get myself to understand that I don't need to know and I don't need to care or control it.
Why is this so hard for me to get?
Oh, and any prayers you can send up for Roscoe's recovery are appreciated. He is a sweet, handsome big lug of a mutt and doesn't deserve what's happened to him.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 1,294
Awww, what a hard place to be in. It's very hard to make reality based financial decisions about health care for pets; I know. We do the best we can with the resources we have, and try to put our pets in a place where at least they won't suffer.
Take some deep breaths, and just do the best you can, moment by moment.
I'm sorry your day has been so difficult!
Sending encouragement,
CLMI
Take some deep breaths, and just do the best you can, moment by moment.
I'm sorry your day has been so difficult!
Sending encouragement,
CLMI
To thine own self be true.
Join Date: May 2009
Location: U.S.A.
Posts: 5,924
Hi Cowgirl. I know what you mean because I have such a hard time not telling people I love and care about what to do or what not to do, or what they need to do, or whatever. Do you have a Higher Power? For me, it makes it easier when I give my worries and my troubles up to mine. I often ask my Higher Power to please take this person from me. It works, try it.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: In the barn
Posts: 324
Its funny - in a way, dealing with this today has been somewhat of a lesson in codependent behavior.
Rather than get locked into what the vet told me I "should" do (i.e., spend thousands of dollars I don't have on extra procedures), I had to let the burden of Roscoe's recovery go to my HP. I could afford to have him get oxygen to get stabilized and out of shock; I could afford a day's hospital observation and medications. I could not afford additional hospitalization, tubes in his chest, xrays or surgery. I just don't have the money. So I was forced to leave his outcome in my HP's hands. And you know, it has been a really hard, really good learning experience. I can't control whether or not he gets better. I can do things that are helpful to him, like clean his wound and make sure he gets his medications. Those things are my responsibility to him. But ultimately his survival will depend on his will to do it and on my HP. And I didn't let the one tech at the vet's office make me feel like I was a lesser person because I didn't have the money to pay for all that extra stuff they thought I "should" do. I walked away from their "should's" and said "This is what I CAN do and I'm not ashamed of it."
Rather than get locked into what the vet told me I "should" do (i.e., spend thousands of dollars I don't have on extra procedures), I had to let the burden of Roscoe's recovery go to my HP. I could afford to have him get oxygen to get stabilized and out of shock; I could afford a day's hospital observation and medications. I could not afford additional hospitalization, tubes in his chest, xrays or surgery. I just don't have the money. So I was forced to leave his outcome in my HP's hands. And you know, it has been a really hard, really good learning experience. I can't control whether or not he gets better. I can do things that are helpful to him, like clean his wound and make sure he gets his medications. Those things are my responsibility to him. But ultimately his survival will depend on his will to do it and on my HP. And I didn't let the one tech at the vet's office make me feel like I was a lesser person because I didn't have the money to pay for all that extra stuff they thought I "should" do. I walked away from their "should's" and said "This is what I CAN do and I'm not ashamed of it."
Curled up in a good book...
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: UK
Posts: 1,542
I'm hoping Roscoe recovers and will worry about him in my codie way today so let us know how he's doing!
And I'm so impressed by your analysis of your codependancy and the steps you have taken!:ghug3
And I'm so impressed by your analysis of your codependancy and the steps you have taken!:ghug3
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: littleton, Colorado
Posts: 146
Bravo to you for those few steps of catching your breath and saying, wait a minute...in this situation especially it must have been very difficult for you. I have two dogs (dalmation lover, I am) and it would have been tough for me to stop from controlling the situation.
Ultimately...this is what might also help you to consider...even if you DID take the controls here-the outcome may not be any different which is another reminder that our HP has the controls-not us-not all of the time. We can only take on what we know we can handle.
Ultimately...this is what might also help you to consider...even if you DID take the controls here-the outcome may not be any different which is another reminder that our HP has the controls-not us-not all of the time. We can only take on what we know we can handle.
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