sleepygoat

After a call from AD in Jail in which she cried and apologized for her failure to call me during the past year, and expressed how much she wants to get clean (also asking me if I could ask the judge at next hearing on 9/22 to help get to court appointed rehab sooner, rather than later (wants to get out of jail; duh!).

Then get a call from my mother. AD's BF called my mom and said, "What kind of a mother (meaning me) would use drugs with her own daughter?" This never happened. In fact, I stayed clean throughout this nightmare with my kid. Then he describes to my mom a horrific childhood that certainly did not happen to my AD. Then he wonders why do I 'hate' him? Well that's becuase of all the things that she told me about HIM. How many of those were lies, too?

So AD is playing both sides of the street. Lies and manipulation all the time. And I am feeling like why bother with prayers, hope, or any of it. she's a sociopath. Even if she got clean, she'd be one of the very sick sociopathic people who everyone learns to stay away from.

Could she be cooking up a scenario where BF comes to court and discredits me in order to have her released to him. Or does my AD just truly enjoy lies and causing harm?

Really feel like i have crashed down from a great hieght. Feel really depressed right now.

marle

I know how you feel. When my daughter was using, I second guessed everything that she said and did. Even after she got clean there were times that I wondered. What I have found has helped me is to stay out of her business. When she tells me something that has a hint of drama in it, I just remain neutral. After all, it is not in my hula hoop. I think the feeling that was so hard for me was the feeling of being betrayed by someone that I love so much. There is hope, Sleepygoat. The sociopathic part of addiction does go away the more clean time that my daughter has. I see the caring part of her come out more and more. Sending prayers your way that you will find a way to work through your feelings and come out feeling better. Hugs, Marle

Seren

I'm so sorry for how you are feeling because I am feeling a bit that way myself. My future A step son is in a local county jail right now, but he did not call us, so we "don't know" officially. Keep your detachment and distance as you need for your own sanity and serenity. If you are not inclined to put a bug in the judges ear on her behalf, then you are certainly not obligated.

I know it must hurt to find that your daughter accused you of such horrific things. We have been on the receiving end of many such accusations from our A, and we try hard to remember and reassure each other that none of them are true.

One day at a time and to thine own self be true, to quote a couple of slogans. Sending you hugs and support!

HG

sleepygoat

Whoa, hold everything!!

As a nurse, I've developed the habit of asking myself, "Are you on any new medications?" whenever I or anyone I know has something unusual going on with either their mental/emotional state or with their physical body.

Well, I asked myself 'bout an hour ago, "Sleepy, you have gone from really OK to suicidally depressed in like 4 hours. Are you on any new meds." The answer is yes, I started on avelox for bronchitis on saturday. so I just googled Avelox. There are freekin class actions suits about the side effects of this medicaiton, which include suicidal depression, anxiety, paranoia - you name it.

I am so sensitive to medication side effects (especially depressive side effects). so now I must wait for the doctor's office to open and get my butt in there to change antibiotics. Yuch, I haven't slept yet (worked last night), but I gotta do this.

To make me feel even worse, my AD called (prior to my googling this antibiotic) and was twice as hysterical as before because they are keeping her on medical isolation another 3 days and have changed HER antibiotic (due to the MRSA in her wound and I guess the first one didn't work that well?). so she calls me for emotional support, and (yup) I, in my rage, depression, etc, ripped her a new one. I really hurt her, I think.

My sponsor said,' apologize for the delivery (0over the top anger) , but not for the truth of it. '

I now gotta believe her HP (and mine) will make all of this work for good.

:crazy

teke

i don't know but it think maybe some addicts try to play one addict against another for the purpose of getting what they want out of doing so.

my ah kept my mil and i at odds while doing his best to disencourage us from talking to each other. try not to take what she says too personal. you know the truth, let that comfort you. i pray that she finds her way soon and i pray for your peace and serenety.

outtolunch

Has it occured to either one of you, that you do not have to take these calls? You have the power within you to get off this roller coaster, at any time.

peaceteach

Sleepy,

I'm glad you discovered the medicine information. Keep the channel open with your mom and share back and forth what is true/not true. As for the boy, maybe a day will come when you do talk with him and also share the truths. I've experienced both of what you are talking about, the lies about me from a loved one/addict, and the reaction to a medication with severe depressive side-effects, also an anti-biotic that I think started with a "C"? My friend pointed it out to me when it happened and I was suddenly a crying, depressed mess.

I do wonder if the situation happened just as you suspect -- according to H.P's plan. Your sponsor sounds like a good one Take care and I hope you get on a new antibiotic soon!

sleepygoat

outtolunch - Yes, I know the choice to take my AD's calls is mine and I get the consequences. She's never been in jail before and I strongly feel it is a window of opportunity from her HP. (what she does with it is up to her and her disease). so therefore, I choose to be take the calls at this time. Just like at first I was Johnny on the Spot to help her get into rehabs - then after 8 times i say, "Good. Glad you want to go, but I have to go to work. You make the calls, you find the money or the charity care to get in." If this jail thing got to be a revolving door, I'm pretty sure I would no longer take her calls, no longer send books, etc. Also, I got clean myself with very strong family support. so I still think it helps. My mom's got her own program (families anonymous and she gest her own consequences too!) I do understand where you are coming from, though. I have a choice. I still have hope for my child and so I still participate though with some boundaries in place. I thought about how it would be to become so jaded and resigned that I had nothing to do with anything at all, ever. IF need be, I'll reach that point. So far, certain boundaries to follow is enough. It isn't all her, as I said. I have defects of character too, and I was on this crazy-making medication in addition. I should NOT have taken the call in which I blew up at her, so that was clearly my own mistake, since I knew my mental state was very poor at that time.

Peaceteach- It might have been cipro you were on. They are called Quinolone Antibiotics and include cipro, levaquin, avelox, and another whose name I can't remember. I had the doctor put it in my chart as an allergy and the pharmacy do the same. The 'boy' is no boy. he is at least twice my daughter's age. My AD may have lied to him (of course she did), but he is no innocent in this, either. He told my mother in that same conversation he doesn't believe addiction is a disease, doesn't believe in treatment and will discourage my AD from participating in treatment. Also, he just got a DUI! and depends on my AD for transportation right now.
Thank you muchly for the reminder about God being in control. My emotions/defects of character tend toward anger, blame, resentment, sarcasm, and controlling, high-driven rage. God's way has got to be better than that, especially when I pray for Him to work in this situation in spite of my mistakes. My sponsor, BTW, is 23 years clean.