Boundaries and Anger
Paused
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Louisville, KY
Posts: 19
Boundaries and Anger
Hi everyone. I need to vent so I hope I don't say something that will affend (I know I spelled that wrong) anyone.
I have been working in the same type work for almost 23 years now. The pay is very good but it is a very high stress, demanding (mentally) job. I think I have told before I am a respiraatory therapist and I don't know how many more days I can take of it. It isn't so bad if everybody is doing well but when you have those days where one after another and on and on of people needing you RIGHT NOW!! I just can't take it. I have needs too, and even though it isn't their problem that I have needs I don't know how to draw the line and say enough is enough.
I just got back from the Psychiatrist who says I have you on the right meds now you need to learn to set boundaries. I know what they are but I have never believed that I deserve to be able to set them.
I stay so angry because I have these needs and I can't or don't seem able to meet them. I sort of realize that nobody else is responsible for getting them met. But God I grew up thinking if I took care of everybody that they in turn would take care of me.
I am scared I am just going to explode one of these days or finally and truely have that total mental breakdown I have felt I was so close to all these years.
I get so jealous of other peoples happiness or lives. I had such big dreams but I was never taught how to take care of myself. I was taught how to for everybody else.
I know I am rambling so I'll try to finish up, I need to get into a new career but I have no idea what it would be. Ya know get used to making a certain ammount and then I have so many medicines and other bills I don't know if I can make it on a lesser salary, but I don't think I can continue on as I am.
I also know that no matter where I go I have to take me with me so I'll have conflicts and have to set boundaries. So if anyone can relate with anything I have said or has any ideas on how to get started on the boundaries I'd appreciate it.
Thanks,
Lisa
I have been working in the same type work for almost 23 years now. The pay is very good but it is a very high stress, demanding (mentally) job. I think I have told before I am a respiraatory therapist and I don't know how many more days I can take of it. It isn't so bad if everybody is doing well but when you have those days where one after another and on and on of people needing you RIGHT NOW!! I just can't take it. I have needs too, and even though it isn't their problem that I have needs I don't know how to draw the line and say enough is enough.
I just got back from the Psychiatrist who says I have you on the right meds now you need to learn to set boundaries. I know what they are but I have never believed that I deserve to be able to set them.
I stay so angry because I have these needs and I can't or don't seem able to meet them. I sort of realize that nobody else is responsible for getting them met. But God I grew up thinking if I took care of everybody that they in turn would take care of me.
I am scared I am just going to explode one of these days or finally and truely have that total mental breakdown I have felt I was so close to all these years.
I get so jealous of other peoples happiness or lives. I had such big dreams but I was never taught how to take care of myself. I was taught how to for everybody else.
I know I am rambling so I'll try to finish up, I need to get into a new career but I have no idea what it would be. Ya know get used to making a certain ammount and then I have so many medicines and other bills I don't know if I can make it on a lesser salary, but I don't think I can continue on as I am.
I also know that no matter where I go I have to take me with me so I'll have conflicts and have to set boundaries. So if anyone can relate with anything I have said or has any ideas on how to get started on the boundaries I'd appreciate it.
Thanks,
Lisa
Guest
Posts: n/a
I started by learning to say "no".
What are you doing that you don't have to do and you don't want to do. Start there. Say "no".
By saying "no" I also learned that they all went on with their lives just fine without me.
Is that a place you can start?
What are you doing that you don't have to do and you don't want to do. Start there. Say "no".
By saying "no" I also learned that they all went on with their lives just fine without me.
Is that a place you can start?
Paused
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Louisville, KY
Posts: 19
Thanks MG for replying to my post. Yes saying NO is something I need to learn but I just don't know how to use it at work. When the demands of the job keep saying I need this or that and I can't have enough time to take a breath.
Yesterday was another one of those days. I did take a moment I guess and centered myself. Called for help and had to do that 3 times but finally did get the help I needed. But the craziness kept on and on.
I am thankful that I did call for help. Also glad that I did that mental whatever I did so that at least I didn't start crying again, but I hate that it has gotten to this point. Is that my life lesson that I have to be rude and/or tough. I mean I have always had the problem of not being assertive but getting pushed to the point that I am aggressive. I wish there was a magic pill that could fix it but I know there isn't. I am so scared because every time I tried saying NO or being assertive in the past I have been chewed out by my supervisor or the nurse at the time that I do, do that.
I feel so confused and even hopeless that I'll ever be able to get this right.
I know my Overeaters Anon sponsor has told me to remember that I always have the option of walking out and I have been looking into other opportunities so that I know if I should decide to quit walk out or something that I have somewhere to go.
I guess I picked this career because I was able to =care for others so well and after 23 years my psyche is finally saying what about me.
Thanks again for listening.
Lisa
Yesterday was another one of those days. I did take a moment I guess and centered myself. Called for help and had to do that 3 times but finally did get the help I needed. But the craziness kept on and on.
I am thankful that I did call for help. Also glad that I did that mental whatever I did so that at least I didn't start crying again, but I hate that it has gotten to this point. Is that my life lesson that I have to be rude and/or tough. I mean I have always had the problem of not being assertive but getting pushed to the point that I am aggressive. I wish there was a magic pill that could fix it but I know there isn't. I am so scared because every time I tried saying NO or being assertive in the past I have been chewed out by my supervisor or the nurse at the time that I do, do that.
I feel so confused and even hopeless that I'll ever be able to get this right.
I know my Overeaters Anon sponsor has told me to remember that I always have the option of walking out and I have been looking into other opportunities so that I know if I should decide to quit walk out or something that I have somewhere to go.
I guess I picked this career because I was able to =care for others so well and after 23 years my psyche is finally saying what about me.
Thanks again for listening.
Lisa
Supply Manager
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Cleaverville
Posts: 2,898
I have worn many hats in my working life...when something is too stressful that does not mean it is me. Is there another place you can use you training? There are pulminolgist and ENT offices...other hospitals that are smaller.
I am in the medical field as well and I have gone from retail (heavy annoyd pt contact) to insurance (heavy annoyed pt's again) to hospital and now medical front office in an environment that is great!
Maybe it isn't you!
Hugs,
JT
I am in the medical field as well and I have gone from retail (heavy annoyd pt contact) to insurance (heavy annoyed pt's again) to hospital and now medical front office in an environment that is great!
Maybe it isn't you!
Hugs,
JT
Paused
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Louisville, KY
Posts: 19
Hi Just Tired,
I had the realization yesterday while I was in my ACOA meeting that yes I have stayed in my present career for so long and even though not all of the time have I been miserable a large majority of it has been. I have listened to my family and staayed in this position for the money reasons but it hit me yesterdaay what about the happiness and peace of mind reasons. I don't know what else I would truly like to get into but at the same time I think it is high time I gave myself a chance to find out.
I spoke with a CO that is starting up here in Louisville and surrounding area about a postion with them but I truly think I want to look into school of some sort, or a training program.
Thanks for writing back to me. Hearing from someone else that has had a similar problem helps. Now there is a little warning bell going off in my mixed up head that that statement may in some way offend someone else (ex M.G.) that has already responded to me. It wasn't meant that way at all. Because I definately need to learn to say NO, no ifs ands or buts. So thanks again to both of you. Now it is up to me to do the rest.
Lisa
I had the realization yesterday while I was in my ACOA meeting that yes I have stayed in my present career for so long and even though not all of the time have I been miserable a large majority of it has been. I have listened to my family and staayed in this position for the money reasons but it hit me yesterdaay what about the happiness and peace of mind reasons. I don't know what else I would truly like to get into but at the same time I think it is high time I gave myself a chance to find out.
I spoke with a CO that is starting up here in Louisville and surrounding area about a postion with them but I truly think I want to look into school of some sort, or a training program.
Thanks for writing back to me. Hearing from someone else that has had a similar problem helps. Now there is a little warning bell going off in my mixed up head that that statement may in some way offend someone else (ex M.G.) that has already responded to me. It wasn't meant that way at all. Because I definately need to learn to say NO, no ifs ands or buts. So thanks again to both of you. Now it is up to me to do the rest.
Lisa
Supply Manager
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Cleaverville
Posts: 2,898
It is pretty hard to offend around here. Honesty is honesty.
Let your Higher Power guide you and do the work. Look at the want ads...at the school catalogs and anything else you can network with. In your field there is always temp work where you can try out different sites...those girls have good benefits and make a bundle. You may be suprised at the windows that open up for you.
Also is there room for you to offer up ideas for change where you are?? Your ideas might be welcome.
Today I have the job of my dreams...nice medical office with people who care, a good job as an adminstrative asst. and I began in retail pharmacy as a tech. No schooling, just a hard, honest, low mantainance employee, open to opportunities and unwilling to work in a zoo. I love the computer and I get to play all day on excel etc. I had 3 false starts and now I have been at this job 5 years.
Good luck! Remember...it might not be you!!
JT
At the end of your work day you shouldn't feel like you have been in a battle.
Let your Higher Power guide you and do the work. Look at the want ads...at the school catalogs and anything else you can network with. In your field there is always temp work where you can try out different sites...those girls have good benefits and make a bundle. You may be suprised at the windows that open up for you.
Also is there room for you to offer up ideas for change where you are?? Your ideas might be welcome.
Today I have the job of my dreams...nice medical office with people who care, a good job as an adminstrative asst. and I began in retail pharmacy as a tech. No schooling, just a hard, honest, low mantainance employee, open to opportunities and unwilling to work in a zoo. I love the computer and I get to play all day on excel etc. I had 3 false starts and now I have been at this job 5 years.
Good luck! Remember...it might not be you!!
JT
At the end of your work day you shouldn't feel like you have been in a battle.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
