can't post
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Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: atlantic canada
Posts: 42
This is my post...maybe it will work here
I have tried to write a post last night and it wouldn't go through...not sure why but thought I would give it a go again tonight. It has been a long time since I posted but I have from time to time read some of the posts to help ground me a bit as denial can be a sweet place to live at times....my relationship with my ABF ended on the weekend. He almost died in hospital almost a year ago this month and after three months in hospital he finally regained his ability to walk, talk, tell time and his hallucinations went away. For awhile it looked like he would always need 24 hr supervision due to what they thought was permanent brain injury. He is only in his 50's.
When he was finally discharged the doctor sat him down with me and explained that his liver was showing signs of Cirrhosis and if he should ever drink again his liver could just pop and there would be nothing anyone could do to save him. I also told him that if he should ever drink again I was gone.....that I was never going to live through that three month hell again.
Last weekend he fell off the wagon and I left....without a word....just left and I am not going back. I have been preparing myself for this as I knew he may have been sober but he never sought a program of recovery. He has called many times since and finally left a message for me to grow up and call him back like an adult....so I responded to his message by saying that I did not wish to fight....that I reminded him of that day with the doctor and I meant what I said.
I advised him that hopefully he gets his affairs in order for everyone's sake because based on his liver it is only a matter of time and that I wasn't going to bury him. I told him I would actually be hurting him more by staying than by leaving because I would just be part of the problem.
Now I need to concentrate on me....a little at a time I know I will....right now it just feels like a punch in the stomach but I know that will fade....my daughter who is 25 found me crying today and gave me a hug....I told her I was going to be okay....that I just needed to emotionally distance myself from him so it won't hurt so bad when I get the call that he is gone. I know that no matter what happens that my time with him is over....
Anyway I do hope this makes it to the boards this time but sometimes it is just good to write things out...
Maggie
When he was finally discharged the doctor sat him down with me and explained that his liver was showing signs of Cirrhosis and if he should ever drink again his liver could just pop and there would be nothing anyone could do to save him. I also told him that if he should ever drink again I was gone.....that I was never going to live through that three month hell again.
Last weekend he fell off the wagon and I left....without a word....just left and I am not going back. I have been preparing myself for this as I knew he may have been sober but he never sought a program of recovery. He has called many times since and finally left a message for me to grow up and call him back like an adult....so I responded to his message by saying that I did not wish to fight....that I reminded him of that day with the doctor and I meant what I said.
I advised him that hopefully he gets his affairs in order for everyone's sake because based on his liver it is only a matter of time and that I wasn't going to bury him. I told him I would actually be hurting him more by staying than by leaving because I would just be part of the problem.
Now I need to concentrate on me....a little at a time I know I will....right now it just feels like a punch in the stomach but I know that will fade....my daughter who is 25 found me crying today and gave me a hug....I told her I was going to be okay....that I just needed to emotionally distance myself from him so it won't hurt so bad when I get the call that he is gone. I know that no matter what happens that my time with him is over....
Anyway I do hope this makes it to the boards this time but sometimes it is just good to write things out...
Maggie
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Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: In my little piece of heaven
Posts: 2,870
Maggie,
It looks like your post is going thru. I'm sorry for what you're experiencing, but it sounds like you are taking good care of yourself. You set a very reasonable boundary and you enforced that boundary. You don't owe him or anyone else an explanation. He's going to do what he's going to do, and you don't have to have a front row seat to his self-destruction.
I've had a similar situation that I had to remove myself from. And it took awhile for the fear and dread to fade. I realized, like you did, that I was contributing to the problem and had to get out of the relationship. It's painful, but it does get better over time.
It looks like your post is going thru. I'm sorry for what you're experiencing, but it sounds like you are taking good care of yourself. You set a very reasonable boundary and you enforced that boundary. You don't owe him or anyone else an explanation. He's going to do what he's going to do, and you don't have to have a front row seat to his self-destruction.
I've had a similar situation that I had to remove myself from. And it took awhile for the fear and dread to fade. I realized, like you did, that I was contributing to the problem and had to get out of the relationship. It's painful, but it does get better over time.
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