bg1971

I am a few days shy of 9 months sober, and I've been struggling with my motivation to continue with AA. I really enjoyed it the first 6 months or so, and worked the 12 steps in about 4 months. I have no desire to drink, and even when put into social situations where others are drinking I really don't want it and actually fearful of having any. A few nights ago I had a dinner for work with 4 other people, and they were drinking nice $100 bottles of wine while I enjoyed my sparkling water. No problem.

I guess what I feel is the rensentment of feeling like i have to do what the people in AA are saying everyone has to do. I don't like the telephone, and I don't want to call my sponsor and get a guilt trip whenever I talk to him. I'm sick of the self-rightiousness of the program and are beginning to feel like AA is a bit cult-ish. I have met some great people in the program, and I wish I could just go to meetings when I want and feel like it and not feel obligated to speak or do anything that I don't feel the need to do. I also feel that I am not nearly as sick as everyone else in the program. I know that everythign that i am saying now would cause anyone in AA to roll their eyes and tell me that it is my disease talking.

I honestly feel that I could go the rest of my life without drinking and do it on my own terms using AA as an as needed element instead of the core of my program. What is most disturbing is that my biggest resentments currently have to do with AA and my 'obligation' to check in with my sponsor.

I know a lot of people here on this board are doing fine and maybe use AA now in then or not at all. I guess I'm looking for some feedback and advise from both strong AA members (although I'm sure I know what you will tell me), and also those doing things on your own and honestly are doing well. I believe that I wouldn't have been able to get to where I am today withough the knowledge and support of AA, and I'm very grateful for that. I still use the ideas of the 12 steps in my daily life and try to start every day with the 3rd and 7th step prayers. Its just that it seems that everyone I meet in AA is single, divorced, or dating someone in AA and so it is easy to make it your life when all your friends are in AA. I am married to a nonalcoholic who may have 1 or 2 drinks every other week. I have 2 small children and I travel a bit, so I like to spend the evenings with my family when I'm in town.

Those of you who had a sponsor in AA and continued participating in AA without a sponsor, I'd like to hear from you mostly. Maybe everything I hear is true, who knows. I might just have to learn that the hard way.

TIA

Dee74

Hi BG

I'm not an AAer, so I'm not really much use to you LOL.

I will say tho - be sure of your motivations - I've seen more than one person here think they'd do ok as a lone wolf, leave the support they'd been using....and crash and burn.

I'm not fearmongering. I just use SR, so it's entirely possible...but it's a lot of hard work...trust me having a face to face support network is definitely the easier way to go.

Whatever you do, just don't pick up, and always be prepared to reach out *before* you find yourself in trouble

D

Wolfchild

If you have a fire comprised of many sticks, it burns brightly.
If you remove one of those sticks, it will eventually go out
and the whole fire is somewhat lessened by it's absence.

i will not tell you what you should or should not do.
It's your life, live it however or wherever you want.
Best wishes to you in everything you decide to do.

Personaly, i will continue doing what is working for me daily.
Going to meetings, using a sponsor, Step & Tradition work,
& being of service to those who are still sick and suffering.

Kablume

I was in AA years ago and put together 4 years of sobriety. I thought the same way you did about AA. I had seen some stuff going on that I didn't think was very spiritual or program like. Well, 10 years ago I thought I could drink normal and have been doing so. Or so I thought. But I am back here with 1 week sobriety and trying AA again. My therapist and Dr. highly suggested it. I am going on my own though because I can't stop drinking. I didn't get as bad as some of the others. I know my bottom isn't as low as theirs. For that I am truly grateful. They went out there and found out just how bad it can be and can now report back to the rest of us.
I was very hesitant to go back to AA but I can't do it alone anymore and I need help. You may be able to do it alone. But just remember how cunning and powerful alcohol is.
I'm not trying to push AA. Just that I have been in your very same shoes and I know how I ended up. If you do decide to stay, just take what you need and leave the rest. Don't believe every word you hear.
I wish you the very best and the safest journey no matter what you choose.

hendershot

I am around the same time as you (10 months) and have similar feelings of ambivalence about AA. I hesitate to stop going to AA because I know that it has worked thus far for me. And it would be kind of silly to quit now and fall on my face. I don't know if I would or not, but it is possible and that is not a good risk right now. If you don't like checking in with your sponsor regularly, why not get a sponsor that doesn't require it?
You shouldn't imagine the only people in AA are die harders either. There is a great mix. I am in StL too, there is a great variety of meetings, some are more dogmatic than others, if you want some suggestions shoot me a PM.

David 1

I technically never had a sponsor, but I attended AA meetings a couple of times per week. I have almost six years sobriety and while I feel it is important to attend meetings, I can be self motivated to do so at this point.

"I also feel that I am not nearly as sick as everyone else in the program."

Be careful about this kind of "comparison" thinking though. I used to love drinking a great cabernet - Stag's Leap, Caymus, Mondavi - But I don't feel inferior or sicker than those that can drink alcohol!

tommyk

Take what you want and leave the rest.

I apply that phrase to my AA program. My own opinion? If you don't want to call your sponsor everyday don't do it. Maybe you can email him, or maybe just tell him you no longer feel the necessity to call every day.

The beauty of AA, to me, is that I can "roll my own" program - I take what I want and leave the rest. I feel absolutely NO 'obligation' to speak or attend if I do not wish to do so.

Learning how to say 'no' and setting boundaries was important for me.

As of right now I cannot imagine my life without the PEOPLE of AA and their collective wisdom, that and the 12-steps are the most important to me.

Keep coming back.