SHELLY1

My AH has stooped to a new low he was doing a window job for an elderly couple and not only spent most of their down payment on crack and still has to buy 4 windows which I have told him I will not help him pay for .but that isn't the lowest of lows the lowest of lows is he went to the job on Wednesday never came home until he called me on thursday begging me to come and get him because he had done something terrible and blah blah blah well being the codie I am I went and got him and he told me that he had stolen a check from homeowners table filled it out for 500.00 and cashed it I told him that it is bad enough he has done that to me before but to strangers is the lowest and they are the nicest people not that that should make any difference but that he needed to tell them and figure out what he was going to do to make amends , his answer was to immediatly call and try to get into rehab. Well I went to work he asked my son to take and drop him off at job , my son did homeowners werent home but he insisted he had outside work to finish so son left him well he is gone he took his wallet which I am assuming so he could cash another check . This is very small town nobody locks doors etc. I am afraid he stole another check from these people what I need to ask of you terrific people is should I call troopers and let them investigate this way if he did the people can recoup their money . I dont condone theft in any way shape and form and he knows I can't even stand to look at him I am so ashamed and upset by what he has done. My daughter has done the same type of stuff and will be going to prison in November and I am afraid that now he has gotten this bad he is headed in same direction. So I am here shaken like a leaf I have tried calling everybody I can think of to talk to about this its Saturday everybody has a life lol. I have dialed troopers number 4 times then hung up before i hit send . I am frightened that they may try to press charges on me for aiding and abetting or something I am so scared .Please give some advice

liesagain

some would say you let them face their own consequences you dont make them for the addict.........

but I think that since you know hes stealing from these older people and if yoou just do nothing to stop it.........your allowing it to continue
I feel that because you are aware you have a moral maybe even legal obligation to report it.
expecially when you and your son have both been to the location...........

MY VOTE IS CALLL THE POLICE, maybe save yourself your son and these poor victims some grief

barblsn

I called the police on my husband when he stole money from my brother. And I told everyone we knew that my husband was on a drug binge and not to give him any money or let him in their house. I also told them to call the police if they saw him, as there was a warrant out for him. He got arrested, it ended the drug binge, gave him some clean time. That was 3 years ago, and today he's working full time and for today, drug free. He says he needed that prison time for him to hit bottom.

SHELLY1

That is what my gut tells me also , I want and need him to face up to what he has done . I am one of the most honest people that you would ever meet so this is killing me to have my AH and AD to be thieves. I want my son to also realize that there are consequenses for their actions. He is a good kid who has gone without repeatedly because of his sisters and fathers addictions and he feels like the squeeky wheel gets the grease which has been the case specially with his sister. She did the wrong thing and we all stepped up to help her get her life straight rehabs drug court meetings endless meetings finally jail time and now she is facing prison. thank you again I think I am going to take 30 deep deep breaths and call police , it isnt like they don't know me and the circumstances that I have been living under they have been here enough times

URMYEVERYTHING

I would call the police as well and even further GET HIM OUT OF THE HOUSE before more damage is done to you and your family and your reputation in that town. Once he knows his back is against the wall, he will more than likely check into rehab himself and/or run for the hills. Either way, you can be rested in that the public humiliation is not your problem anymore.

Best of luck. Keep us posted.

outtolunch

Sounds like his addiction has progressed to the point where nothing matters other than his next hit. So long as there are no consequences, he will do as he pleases.

All things considered.....I would go in and have a chat with the troopers and let them take it from there.

SHELLY1

I am sitting here in a pool of tears and a bundle of nerves but I did call troopers who advised me to call homeowners and tell them what has been going on and to advise them that if he has taken checks to call the troopers back and press charges.....I DID IT I WAS SCARED TO DEATH . The homeowner was not aware of anything and has to wait till Monday to go to bank and see if anything has been written other than the checks that he has given. I feel so damn bad for homeowner but I feel so much better about telling them warning them etc . This may be sick but I really hope that he did so that he will have a wake up call and either get help or die from this disease . At least if he has and the homeowner presses charges the bank has to give the homeowner back the money that was taken and my husband will have to pay it back eventually. I feel so relieved sitting here worried and wondering when cops were going to show up is the most horrible feeling. I am a manager for a retail store and it has been the most embarrassing thing to have my daughters name and pic in paper now it will be my husbands ughhhhhhhhhh. But like I said very small adirondack community so newspaper never has enough to print so always expect it to be in there . Luckily my boss is understanding and knows that they do not reflect me and that I am the first person to turn in a lost dollar bill chase the customer down who left a bag etc I figure everybody works just as hard as I do for their money and truly believe in Karma so sooner or later I am going to have a faboulous life someday lolOk now I am rambling again nervous energy ugghhh thanks so much guys

catlovermi

Great job for allowing yourself to listen to yourself, Shelly.

Try not to live reactively, crisis to crisis.

Take some time now to think about what you really want in life and from a husband, and make some boundaries about what is acceptable to you and what is not, and what you will do about things that are not acceptable. By having a clear definition of your personal boundaries, you can then live proactively and pursue the life you want.

I must say that if that elderly couple had been my parents in their retirement, I would be very grateful for the phone call you made, and the information you provided.

CLMI

truthhurts

I am so glad you did call the police. The right thing to do is usually the hardest, too. Good for you for doing the right thing by these people.

I'm sorry this happened to you.

Envelope

You did what you felt was right. I agree with Catlovermi, if it were my parents I would appreciate the warning. Please dont be ashamed! This is not any refelction on you as a person, please remember that.

Keep us updated!!

Ann

There is a recovery expression "doing the next right thing". You did that by reporting it to the police and the people involved. You also absolved yourself from aiding and abetting by coming forward with this on your own.

Now is the time to let go and let God. Let the chips fall where they may and just keep doing the next right thing in your life. That will never fail you.

Hugs

SHELLY1

Hi guys I talked to the homeowner again after I posted she filled me in on all of the lies my ah has been feeding them ughhh then we were talking and realized we are related figures small town small area, she realizes that I come from a good family and that I donot condone any of this . She let me know how much money they have given him they don't want him on their property but they do want the remaining 4 windows that he told them he ordered which he didnt . So he will be in trouble for that on top of the check he stole from them. he called about 3 oclock this morning looking for a ride home I refused so he managed to get home I told him that because of all of this I told him we will go down to county and he is going to sign off on the house I do not want a judgement put against house because of him. I have been struggling to pay off old bills of my own from the beginning of his addiction where he had stolen from me and put me so far in hole. I have amuch better job now so I have been digging my way out little by little with minow setbacks washer dying car breaking down ya know regular life dilemmas which is much more welcome in comparison to addict dillemas. I also told my ah that I talked to homeowner and troopers and that it is out of my hands and so is he he of course did his quacking ya know im sorry I love you so much I don't know what i would do without ya and of course he is glad I turned him cause now he will have to face what he has done and go to rehab blah blah blah I have eard all of so many times that I can say what he is going to say before he says it lol. He did agree to sign off house but it is the day after a binge so he will agree to anything just to get me off his back. We will see what happens when I can get a day off this week to go to county . My mom wants me to just pack my bags and leave start somehere else I refuse to do that because I have worked to hard to keep this place and my mortgage has only 3 more years to go and it is all mine , not only that my mortgage is a third of what rents are out there. Hell if I had the money that he had over the last three weeks I could have paid off about 2 years worth of mortgage payments or paid ten months worth of bills and that is only counting the actual money the homeowners gave him I am not sure how much he got from stealing from them probally enough to pay off mortgage lol. Not that I would of ever accepted money that didnt belong to us. So I will continue working my 40 plus hours + my 2 hour commute a day and feel proud that I did it on my own through all of this crap and never lowered myself to the level that ad and ah has sunk to . I am looking forward to a peaceful existence where I can start working on me mentally physically etc I want to quit smoking but I am as addicted to the nicotene as my ah and ad is to crack. hmmm maybe I can cut down on my coffee consumption also since that is my main diet coffee and cigarettes . Hell not only would it make me healthier but richer i hate when I figure out how much i spend on cigarrettes and coffee ughhhh. Ok so I am rambling again. thanks for letting me ramble

ItsmeAlice

Dear Shelly1,
I am in awe of your resolve and your committment to your own values and core beliefs! It took such guts to not hide when your AH told you what he had done, then add that you called the law on what to do, and then add to that you followed through as they told you and called the elderly couple and told them what you know. IN AWE!

There are times in my life not just related to my XABF that I needed to stand for my own beliefs and either couldn't or could only go so far. I try to remind myself that there are times when I didn't back down and did the right thing, but those few that got away haunt me still. I wish I could go back now with the clear head and voice that you've shown here.

You have the reins of your life and are driving this wagon train straight ahead, let the bumps come as they may. You have passed quite a test of self here and passed most graciously and brilliantly. His consequences are his own. You are no one's partner in crime! BRAVO!!!

Alice