New here...still coming to grips..
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 7
New here...still coming to grips..
Hi all,
I'm new to the forum. My family has recently learned that my 30yo sister has become addicted to pills. The details are still murky - she said its been going on for 3 years and consists mostly of oxycotin and percocet but could include other "opioids"....She's been living with my parents for the last 8 months and has been stealing money and jewelry from them all along (which I just learned)....And she has been lying about ALOT of things. It hit the fan last weekend when one of my sister's closest friends realized that she had stolen money, jewelry, and her sons Rx pills and she alerted us to the problem....I now think that my sister wanted to get caught by her friend.
Long story short, sis went to the ER on Wed and is now in a rehab facility. They have her something that mimics opioids to reduce the withdrawal symptoms (?) and trying to find a Dr who can prescribe this for her on an outpatient basis.
This happened so fast we are scrambling to figure out how to best educate ourselves. My mom already found out the local nar-anon meetings and my parents are also meeting with one ofthe clinicians at the rehab facility today or tomorrow.
My sister said they might let her out on MOnday, which shocked all of us! We do NOT think she is ready...And I know my parents are not educated/prepared yet either. We were all blindsided by this. I told them to line up as many therapy/counselor meetings as they possibly can to get advice from the experts.
My personal challenge is get my parents (especially father) to see that he want to enable, which is difficult b/c he is incredibly stubborn....I'm not even sure what my specific questions are right now. I just wanted to make this initial contact with the forum. I'm sure I'll have more to ask over the coming days/weeks.
Thanks for listening!
I'm new to the forum. My family has recently learned that my 30yo sister has become addicted to pills. The details are still murky - she said its been going on for 3 years and consists mostly of oxycotin and percocet but could include other "opioids"....She's been living with my parents for the last 8 months and has been stealing money and jewelry from them all along (which I just learned)....And she has been lying about ALOT of things. It hit the fan last weekend when one of my sister's closest friends realized that she had stolen money, jewelry, and her sons Rx pills and she alerted us to the problem....I now think that my sister wanted to get caught by her friend.
Long story short, sis went to the ER on Wed and is now in a rehab facility. They have her something that mimics opioids to reduce the withdrawal symptoms (?) and trying to find a Dr who can prescribe this for her on an outpatient basis.
This happened so fast we are scrambling to figure out how to best educate ourselves. My mom already found out the local nar-anon meetings and my parents are also meeting with one ofthe clinicians at the rehab facility today or tomorrow.
My sister said they might let her out on MOnday, which shocked all of us! We do NOT think she is ready...And I know my parents are not educated/prepared yet either. We were all blindsided by this. I told them to line up as many therapy/counselor meetings as they possibly can to get advice from the experts.
My personal challenge is get my parents (especially father) to see that he want to enable, which is difficult b/c he is incredibly stubborn....I'm not even sure what my specific questions are right now. I just wanted to make this initial contact with the forum. I'm sure I'll have more to ask over the coming days/weeks.
Thanks for listening!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 494
sorry you're dealing with that! This is a great place for information and support. You should start by reading the "stickies" at the top. Print them or have your parents read them online too. There is a TON of good information there. It was real eye opener to me when I saw that I was doing things that were enabling and had no idea that was the case.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Welcome to SR, it's hard to watch someone we love destroy their lives with drugs.
You are all doing a good thing by going to Nar-anon meetings and surrounding yourselves with support from people who have been where you are. Meetings will help you regain your balance and learn a better way of living regardless of how your sister makes out.
The rehab time seems brief, is she perhaps at a Detox which usually only lasts a few days or less than a week? A detox helps them with withdrawals as the drug leaves their system and keeps them safe during what can be a dangerous time physically. They can help her get into a rehab, if indeed she is in Detox, but only if she wants to go.
And if she does want further program, the Salvation Army programs are very good and don't cost anything.
The thing is, she is the one who will have to decide, she's 30 years old so you can't force her nor should you. In the end she will have to be the one to do the work involved to get clean and stay clean.
Take a read around here, learn the difference between offering support for her positive moves and how not to enable her which will only prolong her activity. Your meetings will help you with this also.
My heart and prayers go out for you and your family, it's a long road and you will probably need all the help you can get.
Hugs
You are all doing a good thing by going to Nar-anon meetings and surrounding yourselves with support from people who have been where you are. Meetings will help you regain your balance and learn a better way of living regardless of how your sister makes out.
The rehab time seems brief, is she perhaps at a Detox which usually only lasts a few days or less than a week? A detox helps them with withdrawals as the drug leaves their system and keeps them safe during what can be a dangerous time physically. They can help her get into a rehab, if indeed she is in Detox, but only if she wants to go.
And if she does want further program, the Salvation Army programs are very good and don't cost anything.
The thing is, she is the one who will have to decide, she's 30 years old so you can't force her nor should you. In the end she will have to be the one to do the work involved to get clean and stay clean.
Take a read around here, learn the difference between offering support for her positive moves and how not to enable her which will only prolong her activity. Your meetings will help you with this also.
My heart and prayers go out for you and your family, it's a long road and you will probably need all the help you can get.
Hugs
Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Ohio
Posts: 6
Read My Threads
Hi Newbie - I'm a newbie, too. Looks like your situation is a few days behind mine. Please read my posts to get my story - listed under "kshisme". The people on this board have been an outstanding resource and have helped me stay sane and calm.
Our detox center recommended AA over NA - my step-son went to his first AA yesterday and we're trying NA tomorrow - to see which one he'll feel more comfortable with.
Haven't seen him yet, he's on his way over right now - but my husband said that he mentioned something interesting - that chocolate seems to help with the cravings. Who knew???!!
Good luck to you.
Karen
Our detox center recommended AA over NA - my step-son went to his first AA yesterday and we're trying NA tomorrow - to see which one he'll feel more comfortable with.
Haven't seen him yet, he's on his way over right now - but my husband said that he mentioned something interesting - that chocolate seems to help with the cravings. Who knew???!!
Good luck to you.
Karen
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 7
Thank you for the welcomes and the advice.
Yes, one thing that parents are having trouble reconciling is their role in an all of this since she is not a minor. My mom has grown concerned over the last 24-36 hours that she is not being entirely truthful with the doctors/therapists/etc. (whoever she's seeing at the hospital) to try and get out of there as soon as possible with the staff's support....Sigh.
I"m off to read more posts..
thanks again.
Yes, one thing that parents are having trouble reconciling is their role in an all of this since she is not a minor. My mom has grown concerned over the last 24-36 hours that she is not being entirely truthful with the doctors/therapists/etc. (whoever she's seeing at the hospital) to try and get out of there as soon as possible with the staff's support....Sigh.
I"m off to read more posts..
thanks again.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Hackettstown, NJ
Posts: 692
Wed. to Monday (less than a week) is rediculously short. Probably an insurance issue - that would be my guess. Detox only takes care of the physical aspect. Ideally, the longer the inpatient treatment the better the chances of actual long-term recovery. But we live in the real world where insurance companies can determine such things. I don't know what your families financial situation is or whether you are willing to pay for an inpatient rehab, or whether you want to (entirely up to you guys). The typical cost for a month of inpatient rehab is anywhere from $8000 on up to as much as $30,000.
There is ALWAYS an aftercare plan that the detox suggests to the addict. As far as you and your parents, awesome that you are all willing to go to naranon meetings. Yeah ,this was suddenly thrust upon you and the learning curve is steep, but it sounds like are willing to learn. Keep reading posts around here and keep us posted.
There is ALWAYS an aftercare plan that the detox suggests to the addict. As far as you and your parents, awesome that you are all willing to go to naranon meetings. Yeah ,this was suddenly thrust upon you and the learning curve is steep, but it sounds like are willing to learn. Keep reading posts around here and keep us posted.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 7
I just heard from my parents. Yes, they are releasing my sister on Monday (b/c insurance wont pay for any more days). The case worker said that she could A. leave and move back in with my parents/friends, etc. and come to daily rehab meetings as an outpatient or B. find an inpatient program...
The problem is that all the inpatient places are full and the case worker says my sis will have to call around and beg for a spot somewhere. NOt sure what the chances are that somebody will help her and find a bed that day......and my parents said that she cannot come home and cannot have her car (which my parents bought).
I'm impressed that my parents are holding strong to this, especially since my sister is playing the victim "my family is abandoning me and im' going to be homeless".
I suspect it might have helped that they searched her room before they went to this meeting iwth the case worker and found more things that she has stolen from the family, receipts for various recent payment scams (like make the first installment on a payment plan for $500 piece of jewelry, which i'm sure she planned to just default on and then sell or pawn)......
I don't think i can express how infuriating this is: that she's buying $500 pieces of jewelry to fund this habit when my parents (who are VERY short on retirement savings) let her live w/them for free, buy her groceries, pay car repairs, dental bills, etc. b/c she "can't afford to."
OK, I'm done with my rant.
thanks for listening...i feel like i'm living a movie about somebody else's family.....
The problem is that all the inpatient places are full and the case worker says my sis will have to call around and beg for a spot somewhere. NOt sure what the chances are that somebody will help her and find a bed that day......and my parents said that she cannot come home and cannot have her car (which my parents bought).
I'm impressed that my parents are holding strong to this, especially since my sister is playing the victim "my family is abandoning me and im' going to be homeless".
I suspect it might have helped that they searched her room before they went to this meeting iwth the case worker and found more things that she has stolen from the family, receipts for various recent payment scams (like make the first installment on a payment plan for $500 piece of jewelry, which i'm sure she planned to just default on and then sell or pawn)......
I don't think i can express how infuriating this is: that she's buying $500 pieces of jewelry to fund this habit when my parents (who are VERY short on retirement savings) let her live w/them for free, buy her groceries, pay car repairs, dental bills, etc. b/c she "can't afford to."
OK, I'm done with my rant.
thanks for listening...i feel like i'm living a movie about somebody else's family.....
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 1,888
Welcome!!
I am happy you are here but of course not for the reasons that brought you.
Part of the recovery process is seeking that help and letting no excuse stop the pursuit of being free from addiction. I am talking about her here. Having to beg for a bed and live in a shelter until one is available is something many addicts have done and done so willingly when they have hit their bottom and want to find help. Please do not feel you have to arrange her rehabilitation to show your support.
I see wonderful work by you and your family and establishing healthy boundaries and closing the door on her attempts to manipulate her way through this.
My best to you and your family. Keep reading and posting. Talking through this process with the wealth of knowledgeable people here changed my life in so many positive ways inside and out.
Stay strong.
Alice
I am happy you are here but of course not for the reasons that brought you.
Part of the recovery process is seeking that help and letting no excuse stop the pursuit of being free from addiction. I am talking about her here. Having to beg for a bed and live in a shelter until one is available is something many addicts have done and done so willingly when they have hit their bottom and want to find help. Please do not feel you have to arrange her rehabilitation to show your support.
I see wonderful work by you and your family and establishing healthy boundaries and closing the door on her attempts to manipulate her way through this.
My best to you and your family. Keep reading and posting. Talking through this process with the wealth of knowledgeable people here changed my life in so many positive ways inside and out.
Stay strong.
Alice
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 7
still waiting to hear from my family...sister is being released from detox today and will HOPEFULLY get a bed in the rehab floor of the same hospital.
on Saturday may parents said "you cant come home if there are no beds"
Today they are saying "if your only option is a shelter then you can come home but you wont' be allowed a car or your cell phone, and we are locking your old room b/c we haven finished going through it."
i'm torn. i can appreciate not being able to stomach your damaged, suffering daughter go to a homeless shelter after her first (incomplete) detox experience but I worry that this is the beginning of a dangerous backslide...
on Saturday may parents said "you cant come home if there are no beds"
Today they are saying "if your only option is a shelter then you can come home but you wont' be allowed a car or your cell phone, and we are locking your old room b/c we haven finished going through it."
i'm torn. i can appreciate not being able to stomach your damaged, suffering daughter go to a homeless shelter after her first (incomplete) detox experience but I worry that this is the beginning of a dangerous backslide...
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