prettywoman

I saw him smoke a joint. Can I asume he has been doing this regardless to what he told me? Am I being naive to this? I never in my life dealt with any drugs in any shape or form. Would this explain his insane behavior?

journeygal

Well, the pot wouldn't necessarily explain his behavior. He just sounds like someone who doesn't know what he wants, doesn't want to admit he has a problem with alcohol and probably drugs, and wants to blame everyone else around him for everything that's wrong in his life.

You may never figure out what's wrong with him or the root cause of his problems, but you will definitely drive yourself crazy trying to figure it out. Try to stop focusing on him and keep your thoughts on your little one.

Hugs,
JG

myles1

It took me a long time to accept that I will probably never figure out why my ex was so crazy, he just was. I do know that I felt less crazy and obsessed about it when I took the focus off him and put it on myself and Myles.
Your ex is sick plain and simple and until he realizes it if ever you have to get on with your life.

Ngaire

margo

Addiction might explain his crazy behaviour - not a particular substance. Or he may just act crazy for no particular reason. No-one can really say. JG is right on the money - you will drive YOURSELF crazy trying to figure out what makes him tick and why he does the things he does. The fact of the matter is that his behaviour is affecting you in a very negative way.

I'd say there's a good chance that he has not been honest with you about his using, but I think deep down you know that anyway. You've gotten some good advice here, PW. I know it's hard to let go, but you've got much better things to focus on than someone who consistently yanks your chain and makes you unhappy.

Gabe

The point is, why bother? You will never know for sure because this man isn't being honest with you. My experience with alcoholics has been that they will get high by any means possible. My ex-A had as big of a problem with dope as he did with booze. My mother switched from booze to tranquilzers. What he is using doesn't matter. The more you focus on him and what he's doing, the less you focus on you and your baby. I hope you put your time and attention on the positive things in your life.
Peace,
Gabe

Daffodil

Pretty Woman;

I have often wondered why I PUT MY FOCUS on what he/she/they are going and why they are doing it WHEN I don't even know WHY I do some of the things I do.

Could it be that I am a codie???? LOL. YOU BET I AM!!!! That's why I did it....BEFORE AL-ANON....now I realize that it's my life I am living and to ----- with why they are doing it.

Like the slogan says......Live and Let Live! Just let them live their life somewhere else...not in my living room.

Hugs!

JT

You can assume he lies. You saw him with a joint and he said this was like the second time?

He lies...need you know more?

Hugs,
JT

phoenix

As someone wise once said,"It is not the fact that you lied that troubles me most.It's that now I can never know when to believe you again."

Remember that there are good reasons for his being your ex.

phoenix

sunshyne

If it was his 2nd time then it would not have been while he was alone and while you were in the other room. I would think that people who are experimenting with a new drug would try it with a friend. By him sneaking it...makes me think he's probably pretty familiar with it.

Listen to what everyone has said and take care of you and your baby. For too many years I focused on my A and I have finally let go and am living for myself and my son today. The sad thing for me and my son is he is now 15 - almost grown. I married when he was 8 and never did I put the focus on him and he knows that. After I married he lived with my parents 80% of the time - 1 mile away from me. I was always in his life but not enough I see now. He always use to tell me "Your worried about >>>", and I never understood until now why he said that to me all the time. Now I know. I can't change the past but I am doing everything I can to make it up to my son now. Before I seperated from my A I wouldn't go anywhere that he wouldn't go. Now we are going out to eat, high school ball games and I and my son are loving it. I still got alot of making up to do but I'm on the right path thanks to Alanon.