PurpleWilder

Don't argue with alcoholics.

Tonight, I called in to work because my son was really complaining that his ear hurt. Like, not in the ear but right behind it on the side of his head. I couldn't see anything but when I felt the area it seemed really stiff.....like when you get that muscle cramp in you neck when you stretch it wrong?

Anyway, I was supposed to drop the kids off at their dad's at 7 so I could get some rest before I went to work. He has had his cell phone cut off b/c he can't pay the bill so I couldn't call him. I had to go over there and ask him to watch our daughter while I tried to get our son to the MinuteClinic before it closed. So he said, "Well, I want to go. He's my son too!" (Bad sign right there - trying to pick a fight while I am trying to get help for our son).

Get to the clinic, it is closed. Not really an emergency so I don't really want to take him to the ER. So we pull out of the clinic and my ex casually asks me, "So are we good for Saturday?" And I said "Why? What's going on on Saturday?" And which point he starts yelling, have a physical fit in the car and banging on the steering wheel. "I TOLD you like, a MONTH ago that I have a WEDDING to film on Saturday." I told him I don't really think you told me about it. (Next bad sign - picking a fight in front of the kids - big no-no, as far as I am concerned).

So in front of our kids, he essentially called me a liar. It took me about 4 blocks before I finally said, "OK, whatever you say" and kept my piehole shut.

Had to go to my house and get my calendars to confirm that I was never told. I have a LOT of faults, including being grossly underemployed, but I ALWAYS put things on the calendars. But it was still my fault, of course. It couldn't possibly be that he was so depressed and out of it that he failed to tell me. I am so jealous of this faultless world he lives in - I wish I could live there too

Anyway, after going back and forth, I said we would just have to agreee to disagree on this one and that he could think whatever he liked. He blew up again "So you are calling me a liar". Sigh. I should have stopped while I was ahead.

So anyway, I told him that our son couldn't stay O/N because he had no phone service and if there was an emergency he couldn't get help. Left our daughter with him (ex is an assh%^e but not a danger to the kids, IMHO) and came home.

WTF? I oughtta know better by now.

naive

well, let it be a lesson learned. mine was forever doing the same, blaming me for things he had forgotton to tell me, changing events which had occurred, money we had, etc.

it was very, very confusing for me UNTIL i started writing down the main highlights of each day in a journal. then, when there was something in question, i could simply refer to my notes and discovered that i wasn't crazy, he was.

MissFixit

Hey there,

I was interested to read what rule #1 is. Don't argue with active A's is a good one. For me now it is don't get intimately involved with active A's.

Hugs

gowest

Except that I have found that owning my faults, the real ones -- not the ones some one else points to in anger -- is one of the most liberating things one can do for one's self.

It is freedom - not always fun - but free.
Not a perfect world, just the real one.
It is in fact a gift to be able to love one's self warts and all

sandrawg

Amen!!

sandrawg

Why would you be jealous of anything about his world? He's enslaved by alcohol and doesn't even know it. Everything he does, says, lives, eats, and breathes is in service to the drug. Alcoholics don't have relationships...they take hostages.

Freedom1990

I wouldn't even consider getting in a car with someone who blows their top, yells, and pounds on the steering wheel, nevermind calling me a liar.

PurpleWilder

Thanks for all of your feedback.

:codiepolice

My car's front seat is filled with "kid junk" and didn't feel like taking the time to bother cleaning it out so we could get going to the dr. office. Ended up barging into the dr. office this morning instead and having them take us immediately. As I was pulling out of my apt. building to go to the dr. office I passed him on the way to my building with my daughter in tow. He started screaming "Where have you been? You were supposed to be at my house at 6:30 AM!" Which would normally be true, if I had worked o/n the night before. But since I had a sick son and we didn't get to bed until 9PM, I decided to just let him sleep until he got up and take the morning easy. Now keep in mind, I didn't agree to be at his house at 6:30. But remember rule #1.....

Seeing as my son was sick, I argued for a small while but just gave in and said, whatever my fault I am sorry, blah blah blah. He said, you should have come over at 6:30 am and hung out until 9am when you could have called the dr. As he explained it, I should have run a sick kid to his house at 6:30 on a damp, foggy morning, stayed until around 9, picked up the daughter and run back home to call the dr. at 9 because, remember, his phone has been turned off. I was supposed to do all that with a sick kid. After he practically called me a liar the day before. Yeah, I always hang around the in living rooms of people who pick fights with me in front of my kids. Jacka$$.

Then to top it off, he follows us in his car to the dr. office and swaggers around like father of the year. What a jerk.

Turns out it is a double ear infection. Since our school district is being very strict about letting sick kids in school these days (swine flu protocols) it is a good thing I got him in when I could.

The author of the "Bridget Jone's Diary" series of books, Helen Fielding, called such people "emotional f*^kwits". Sounds good to me.

And I think rule #1 should be: Don't argue with alcoholics, drunk sober or otherwise. As I once read, after a person quits drinking it takes 2 years for them to get their brains out of hock and three years to learn how to use them. Someone I know may have to go to graduate school.