justme

Today is September 10 the 2009. As usually sitting here wondering what I did wrong! He is such an ******* to me. How did I end up spending so many years with him? I always made sure he was okay but all he has ever done to me is suck out my soul. He kills me with his words I hurt so much I can’t stand it. When will this pain stop hurting so much? I wish someone could just give me an answer. After all the years of drugs I thought our life would finally be okay but it wasn’t. He became so much more of an ******* and yet I sit here and allow him to blame me. He has moved on and I sit here not knowing how to pick up the pieces of my heart. Where do I begin I feel so helpless. I just can’t stand myself right now. I feel like I am drowning in my own pain. He is so selfish and I hate myself for still loving someone that continues to show such little respect for my feelings

Ann

The cycle of codependency goes on for years for many of us, getting worse and worse until we finally say "enough".

What helped me find my sanity again, what helped me begin to live my life with some sort of joy and happiness (remember joy? how long has it been?) was to go to meetings and find live support and a sponsor who could guide me through the 12 steps that literally saved my life.

You don't have to live like this, sweetie, and your life can get better, I promise.

You may not be able to control him or his addiction, but you can take control of your own life and begin the journey of recovery for you.

Hugs

imallright

Sometimes it isn't just the drugs, so stopping isn't enough. And most of all... you need to take care of you. Easy said, right? Coming here, getting out, talking to friends, going to meetings, talking to a counselor or doctor. Put you and your well being first.

I know first hand and I battle with the "what's wrong with me? How could I have been so dumb"... constantly.... but as I started to take care of me more it starts to make more and more sense to me that I have the ability to move forward as well regardless of the fact that I "was dumb enough" to get involved and stay. I can't change that part... I stayed, for a long time, just like you.... but I can start today to move forward and look out for me. So can you.

Try to make today... or even a small part of today... a step forward. Do something for you and just for today don't beat yourself up with the "why's".

All the best.

teke

hi, i agree with the others. i stayed a long time too, so you are not alone in this. like the others said, you can and deserve a better life for yourself. unless he gets help, it will get so much worse.

i eventually had to separate myself from my ah of 23 yrs. like you, my emotions were all over the place. it takes time but one day at a time, it can get better for you even if he decides not to get better. the choice is yours, focus more on you and what you can do for yourself that will bring more peace to your life. i'm sorry that you are in so much pain and i will keep you and yours in my prayers.