One small step......
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2008
Posts: 133
One small step......
Hi all,
Where do I start? How about today....geez, I'm emotionally drained. Just got back from Al-anon, and another great meeting. I want to share my victory with you all, because I feel like one small thing for me is a victory that everyone here shares with me, because you all have given me strength, courage and hope.
Today my XABF got ahold of my friend, and she felt the need to call me and let me know, because he was in a rage, and she was afraid for me. He cannot get ahold of me because I have his number blocked (day 12!) so he called her. He told her that I better call him, because the car I drive is in his name and he wants it back. He turned in his lease in June, and because his credit is crap, he only has his Harley to ride. Well, winters coming, and he is now panic-ing. He leased my car for me last March, and I put the down payment on it ($2000) and have insured it and I make all the monthly payments on it. When she called, I started to shake. The man lives 3 doors down, and he is BIG!! Instead of calling him, I called my lawyer. Seems because I've made the payments and put the down payment on it, he has no legal right to take that car from me! How about that!!??? If I had not had the clarity of mind that you all gave me, I would have called him, which is exactly what he wants me to do. Seems he's now sober (LOL!) and wants me back. He can't believe I've blocked his number this long!!
I only have this car, and I have to get to work and school, which, by the way, I started back at this week!! 8 weeks left of nursing school, yippee!! Everytime I do something (or not do something) for myself, I feel a little bit better. Everytime I don't react, I feel a little stronger. Everytime I don't call him when I'm lonely, I feel a little more faith. I can now envision a life without him, and it hurts just a little less today than it did yesterday. I don't know where I am going or what God has planned for me, all I know is I'm strapping in cause I believe it's gonna be one heck of a ride!!!
Thank you all for your strength!!
Where do I start? How about today....geez, I'm emotionally drained. Just got back from Al-anon, and another great meeting. I want to share my victory with you all, because I feel like one small thing for me is a victory that everyone here shares with me, because you all have given me strength, courage and hope.
Today my XABF got ahold of my friend, and she felt the need to call me and let me know, because he was in a rage, and she was afraid for me. He cannot get ahold of me because I have his number blocked (day 12!) so he called her. He told her that I better call him, because the car I drive is in his name and he wants it back. He turned in his lease in June, and because his credit is crap, he only has his Harley to ride. Well, winters coming, and he is now panic-ing. He leased my car for me last March, and I put the down payment on it ($2000) and have insured it and I make all the monthly payments on it. When she called, I started to shake. The man lives 3 doors down, and he is BIG!! Instead of calling him, I called my lawyer. Seems because I've made the payments and put the down payment on it, he has no legal right to take that car from me! How about that!!??? If I had not had the clarity of mind that you all gave me, I would have called him, which is exactly what he wants me to do. Seems he's now sober (LOL!) and wants me back. He can't believe I've blocked his number this long!!
I only have this car, and I have to get to work and school, which, by the way, I started back at this week!! 8 weeks left of nursing school, yippee!! Everytime I do something (or not do something) for myself, I feel a little bit better. Everytime I don't react, I feel a little stronger. Everytime I don't call him when I'm lonely, I feel a little more faith. I can now envision a life without him, and it hurts just a little less today than it did yesterday. I don't know where I am going or what God has planned for me, all I know is I'm strapping in cause I believe it's gonna be one heck of a ride!!!
Thank you all for your strength!!
Belgian Sheepdog Adictee
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: In Today
Posts: 6,101
Good for you!!!!!!
You just keep at it, you are doing good.
You might want to check back with the Attorney and see if there is some way to NOW, since you have the proof that you did the down payment and have been making all the payments and are the only one driving the vehicle if they can put the lease in your name only. It's worth asking.
Of course, that was a ploy from him to get you to call and you did exactly the correct thing for you, you called someone knowledgeable to get the 'real' answer.
Also, if you are that afraid of him, you might want to consider getting an "Order Of Protection" ie "Restraining Order", siting every incident of 'violence and verbal assault' you have witnessed, whether directed at you or another.
Again, GOOD JOB WELL DONE!!!!!
Love and hugs,
You just keep at it, you are doing good.
You might want to check back with the Attorney and see if there is some way to NOW, since you have the proof that you did the down payment and have been making all the payments and are the only one driving the vehicle if they can put the lease in your name only. It's worth asking.
Of course, that was a ploy from him to get you to call and you did exactly the correct thing for you, you called someone knowledgeable to get the 'real' answer.
Also, if you are that afraid of him, you might want to consider getting an "Order Of Protection" ie "Restraining Order", siting every incident of 'violence and verbal assault' you have witnessed, whether directed at you or another.
Again, GOOD JOB WELL DONE!!!!!
Love and hugs,
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2008
Posts: 133
Should have known it wasnt gonna be that easy. He showed up at my bedroom window this morning at 6:00 a.m. knocking. He knocked for about a half hour, I opened it, and all I got was QUACKQUACKQUACK. Closed it and told him to go home. Of course, he was drinking. The booze reaked through the window. Next time I'm calling the police. I'm kinda scared. Trying to not let fear take over. It's is amazing though, the words just don't mean a darn thing anymore. No tugging on the heart strings, no buying into the B.S. No hook here. Oh, and by the way, "Good morning all"!!!
aka Glenna :)
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Jupiter, Florida
Posts: 280
Everytime I do something (or not do something) for myself, I feel a little bit better. Everytime I don't react, I feel a little stronger. Everytime I don't call him when I'm lonely, I feel a little more faith. I can now envision a life without him, and it hurts just a little less today than it did yesterday.
This was very powerful for me and gave me a lot of hope. It is exactly what I need to remember, that it does get better every day and a little easier. Thank you!!
This was very powerful for me and gave me a lot of hope. It is exactly what I need to remember, that it does get better every day and a little easier. Thank you!!
peaceful seabird
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: floating
Posts: 4,822
Thank you for sharing your victories with us. Wonderful progress!
Please check into a personal restraining order or an order of protection that Laurie mentioned. Alcoholism is progressive.
Here is a quote from Jazzman:
This is when the sociopathic behavior really comes out, when the addicts "normal" routine is threatened. This is when you truly find out what they are capable of and how far they will go. Good luck and hang in there.
He is capable of trying anything and everything to pull you back into his drama.
We care about you!
Please check into a personal restraining order or an order of protection that Laurie mentioned. Alcoholism is progressive.
Here is a quote from Jazzman:
This is when the sociopathic behavior really comes out, when the addicts "normal" routine is threatened. This is when you truly find out what they are capable of and how far they will go. Good luck and hang in there.
He is capable of trying anything and everything to pull you back into his drama.
We care about you!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Wizard Land Downunder
Posts: 2,615
Contact the company you lease the car from and get it put into your name. I also think that you need a protection order immediately as he is likely to get madder than he is now and could do anything.
You have been so very strong and the next steps to take to reinforce your no contact are to remove him from your car lease, and defend yourself and you home by every option possible.
God bless
You have been so very strong and the next steps to take to reinforce your no contact are to remove him from your car lease, and defend yourself and you home by every option possible.
God bless
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2008
Posts: 133
I did talk to my lawyer, and legally, he has no recourse regarding the lease. It is legally mine until the end, as long as I'm making the payments on it. As far as getting it in my name, I don't think that's possible as I lost my home several years ago and don't have the credit to lease it in my name, which is why he leased it for me. I'm not going to worry about it, I will take this one day at a time (just today, right?!) and listen to my legal representation. At this moment, I can't change it. So, I will pray on it and not worry about it. I have the vehicle today, and that's all that matters!!!
He did come down here twice this morning before I left for work, and called my place of employment (didn't even know he had the number) because he wants me to take the block off the phone. I didn't agrue, just got him off the phone as quick as I could. My eyes are wide open, and I will be careful. I have also let several people know what is happening, and next time he shows up down here, I will call the police. I don't want to live in fear, and I don't want to over-react. He's been totally non-threatening, and if that changes, so will my plan of action!
Thanks for all the feedback, I really appreciate it!!!
He did come down here twice this morning before I left for work, and called my place of employment (didn't even know he had the number) because he wants me to take the block off the phone. I didn't agrue, just got him off the phone as quick as I could. My eyes are wide open, and I will be careful. I have also let several people know what is happening, and next time he shows up down here, I will call the police. I don't want to live in fear, and I don't want to over-react. He's been totally non-threatening, and if that changes, so will my plan of action!
Thanks for all the feedback, I really appreciate it!!!
Being Silent so I can Hear
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 2,521
Who's name is on the title?
Having just dealt with this issue, I can tell you that if his name is on it, he can legally take it. Since you're making the payments, you can also legally take it.
Having just dealt with this issue, I can tell you that if his name is on it, he can legally take it. Since you're making the payments, you can also legally take it.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 2,059
hi harleyd101-
is there anyway that you can get to work without this car? bus? bicycle?
is there anyway that you can return this leased car and get some of your deposit back?
if you are really and truly through with him, it would be best to sever this link to him.
and also, speaking from experience, leaving is a very dangerous time. do you have a plan for if he becomes violent? is the police number programmed into your phone?
make a plan, harleyd...think it thru...maybe keep some money hidden in the car so you can make a quick getaway if necessary...consider alerting the neighbors to call if they hear anything...
just some ideas. to be prepared is to be prepared. i would like to spare you what i have gone thru...he's sounding volatile and he's still drinking...not a great combination...
i would lay low for a bit, until all this gets sorted out. what triggered mine to hurt me (fractured shoulder) was that i was out and in the company of men. even though we were broken up, i had moved out and i was at a party with his 65 year old brother, none of that mattered. for him, in his foggy, possessive, alcoholic brain, me at a party meant that i was going to have sex with someone.
i know, if you're like me, i thought "i can go to a party if i want to!" but if i had to do it all over again, i would have LAID LOW until he got his sights off of me. this injury is something i have to live with everyday for 5 months now and it's still painful.
keep yourself safe, sister.
naive
is there anyway that you can get to work without this car? bus? bicycle?
is there anyway that you can return this leased car and get some of your deposit back?
if you are really and truly through with him, it would be best to sever this link to him.
and also, speaking from experience, leaving is a very dangerous time. do you have a plan for if he becomes violent? is the police number programmed into your phone?
make a plan, harleyd...think it thru...maybe keep some money hidden in the car so you can make a quick getaway if necessary...consider alerting the neighbors to call if they hear anything...
just some ideas. to be prepared is to be prepared. i would like to spare you what i have gone thru...he's sounding volatile and he's still drinking...not a great combination...
i would lay low for a bit, until all this gets sorted out. what triggered mine to hurt me (fractured shoulder) was that i was out and in the company of men. even though we were broken up, i had moved out and i was at a party with his 65 year old brother, none of that mattered. for him, in his foggy, possessive, alcoholic brain, me at a party meant that i was going to have sex with someone.
i know, if you're like me, i thought "i can go to a party if i want to!" but if i had to do it all over again, i would have LAID LOW until he got his sights off of me. this injury is something i have to live with everyday for 5 months now and it's still painful.
keep yourself safe, sister.
naive
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2008
Posts: 133
Thank you Naive, those were all good suggestions. I have been laying low, did notify neighbors on both sides of me as they are well versed in his drinking because they have lived on this street for 20+ years. Family also knows, and yes, the police number is programmed in the phone. I did that two nights ago. Just felt better having it in there. Eyes in the back of my head right now, and I would not have a problem calling the police should this turn ugly. Unfortunately, there is no way I could survive without this car. I have to get to school, and campus is an hour away. The hospital I am at right now is 45 minutes away. Work is the closest, only a few miles. I am brainstorming right now....I really don't see how I can keep the car (don't want the tie) or how I can give it up. I gotta go with just today...it's quiet here today, and that's good. I know he is capable of anything, especially while drinking. He's never been violent, never even called me a bad name, but I KNOW that could all change in a heartbeat. I recognize the instability of the situation. I will keep you posted!!
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