Barbara52

My mother is dying. My brothers and I are in the midst of arranging to move Mom from the hospital and into a hospice.

Now this is what we have all been expecting and praying for, that Mom reaches the natural end of her life. Death is what she would want at this point. She is suffering from advanced dementia, whether from her alcoholism or Alzheimers or whatever. She went into the hospital last week with pneumonia and had now developed a blood infection. It is time for Mom to go home to God and receive her rest.

My difficulty at the moment is making the decision on whether to continue the antibiotics which cannot cure her, are only prolonging her struggle and delaying her death. My brothers and I are leaning toward ending all treatment beyond pain management but it is such a diffcult decision.

To the extent possible, Mom is making her wishes known because she is refusing to eat, refusing to cooperate. I know Mom wants to be allowed to die in peace and dignity. She made her wishes known about end of life care long ago.

I ask your prayers and thoughts as we go through this difficult time.

Cath1029

Saying a little prayer for you and your family and thinking of you

CatsPajamas

Oh Barbara, I went thru something similar in February. My brothers and I had to make some difficult decisions, although we had talked with my mom previously and all understood her wishes. Her last few days were spent in her Assisted Living home, in her easy chair, with hospice care. She had morphine whenever she requested it, that was her only medication at the end.

It's hard to lose a loved one, especially hard to lose our moms, I think.

Cowgirl1265

What a very sad time you are going through. Your family is in my prayers.

Barbara52

In many ways I lost my Mom years ago when she forgot who I am. I thought because I had dealt with that, her death would be a little easier. I was wrong. But I am leaning on family and friends and my faith in God.

Impurrfect

(((Barbara)))

Sending you and your family lots of hugs and prayers, sweetie. My mom died suddenly, so I didn't have to go through this, but I still know what it's like to lose your mom.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

bookwyrm

You are in my thoughts. I can't give you a RL hug but I really want to! :ghug3

TakingCharge999

Bigs hugs to you Barb52.

Jazzman

I'm sorry to hear of this difficult time for you and your family. If it were me I would want to go with dignity and pain management, not to linger or have life prolonged with antibiotics. But actually making that decision for a loved one is a different story and I have been there too. Be strong for your Mom.

laurie6781

Prayers going out to you and your family.

I would suggest talking with the hospice, they are experienced in this. If the infection that the antibiotics are for is not causing additional pain then in all likelihood they will recommend foregoing the antibiotics. However, if it is a type of infection that will cause additional pain they may recommend that they be given along with adequate pain med.

In all the years of my doing home care of the terminally ill and totally incapacitated in conjunction with hospice, this was pretty much the criteria used for palliative care.

Again prayers heading your way.

Love and hugs,

Pelican

Hi Barbara,

I'm sorry you are hurting and grieving. A lot of decisions to make during this time. I trust you will make healthy decisions.

Briefly, I was my mother's caregiver at the end of her life. She died at home with hospice checking on us every few days. She lived 5 weeks at home after being discharged from the hospital. We (hospice, myself and brother) discontinued all her meds. She didn't need appetite stimulants, blood pressure medicine, antibiotics, blood thinners, etc....while she was in her last stages of life. She needed love, care and morphine.

Between doses of morphine, usually early in the morning, she was "with me" and had a few lucid moments we could talk. Each day was like the movie "50 first dates" and I would have to tell her where she was (her bedroom), what was happening, and how she was doing. Her last 7 days of life, she asked me to stop feeding her and giving her fluid. Her body had long ago stopped absorbing nutrition and she only ate a few bites per day. Her favorite was a few bites of cheesecake! I always honored her wishes.

I am thankful for the time I was able to spend with her. I learned a lot about her and myself during that time.

I was her care giver. For a codependent, that was my role in life. I was up for the job and challenge. However, the day she died and the funeral home came to take her away was tough. I hit my codependent bottom when they took her away in the hearst. I was her care giver and I could not control the situation. It was my most intense feeling of grief.

(((((Barbara))))))

You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

queenteree

((((Barbara)))) You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

Still Waters

You have my prayers Barbara.

Barbara52

Thank you all for your conern and caring. It does help me. Hearing of your own experiences eases my mind also.

My brother is meeting with the hospice folks this afternoon. So I'll know more in a bit.

From what I learned from the Nurse Practioner, removing the antibiotics is not likely to cause pain as she nears death. They will of course be monitoring her for any indications of pain and act to lessen that pain. I've talked to both my brothers and we all are leaning toward discontinuing the antibiotics since it will only prolong the process and not really improve her level of comfort at this point. Mom's peace and comfort is the only consideration at this point.

Freedom1990

I'll be keeping you and all your family in my prayers, Barbara! :praying

AWEDA

I am so sorry, my wonderful mother passed away June 17 2009 after being diagnoised with Ovarian Cancer 5 weeks earlier.
We were called to the hospital at 1 am to be told she had a pneumonia. I went in to sit with her when a nurse came in poking at her arms with a needle another nurse doing something else to her. I left the room went out to my brothers and sisters and said what the hell are they doing to her? Please let her alone stop, enough already. WE called the doctor and saild leave her be just let her go. We all went in around her,gave her last rites and watched the most wonderful mother in the world leave this earth. I miss her more every day,it isn't getting easier for me,I Believe I miss her more each day.

Barbara52

Mom is on her way to the hospic house now. We decided to discontinue all her meds. Its now in God's hands (as it always been really).

The only problem is she can only stay at the hospice house itself a few days becasue she is going to be in one of their respite care beds and the hospice itself is full. So we begin the search for a placement in nursing home for hospice care beyond a few days. And that of course raises the issue of will Mom qualify for Medicaid to pay for the nursing home. There is something so wrong with having to worry on finding a place that is affordable while dealing with my Mom's approaching death. Oh well she only has what money she has. They won't be able to get blood from a turnip as they say.

Barbara52

I'm sorry for your loss. {hugs}

gns

My prayers are with you and your family, Barbara.

Freedom1990

Yes, there is. I'm so sorry you're having to deal with that on top of everything else. :ghug2