firestorm090

I failed my first algebra exam for this semester and it was damn tough not drinking over it. I made it through tonight, but I feel totally ashamed for failing the test. I've never scored so badly on an exam in my life. The class is intermediate algebra and I know I can do this, I've just been screwing around since the semester started and have 9 days without a drink. I can't seem to think straight, my mind feels like mush, my memory is shot to hell and I can't seem to focus or concentrate for any length of time. It's driving me bananas. Maybe I short-circuited my brain or burned out a few connections, or maybe I'm sitting on it, lol. Anyway, this really bummed me out and now I feel like a total moron. Thanks for letting me rant.

Dee74

Doing an algebra exam at any time would make me feel like that FS - be glad your brain will return to normal

(and don't sweat it - you know one exam won't make or break your academic career )

D

firestorm090

Thanks Dee for the boost. I made me feel like an imposter at the school, like I don't belong there, who am I kidding, that kind of thinking. I think it's the old drunk wanting a drink thing, trying to find an excuse. Well, I was lucky, today I didn't give in.

NewBeginning010

Hi FS,

I cant imagine trying to do an exam during the first couple of weeks of giving up the booze. Actually I cant imagine sitting in a classroom right now

It will all come back to you FS, how are the other classes going?

You can do this

Take Care,

NB

thirtybubba

Firestorm,

I sobered up in July right after a midterm... on purpose after the midterm. Although I was trying to cut down by that point... from two fifths to a half (harsh cut by the way). It was horrible, but I got a decent grade. Two weeks later, it was finals (summer school) and I was not really ready to take a test--withdrawals--but I had to. It did bring my final grade down (don't know what I got on that test) a lot.

9 days, means you probably learned half of it drunk and half sober. Give it some time, and try to go over again all the stuff you learned drunk.

From experience, and as you know, I'm in classrooms all day long sobriety and testing aren't such a good pair. It helps a lot, however if you learn the material in the same state of mind as you take the test. Just sayin', from my own experience.

Don't get yourself all down behind one test anyways. You been through enough life to know that rarely does one event change every thing...

Take care Firestone. You can do this, no reason you can't now.

Tazman53

Firestorm good job on not drinking over that. I did not come out of the fog really until I was about a month sober, at about 2 months my mind was functioning better then it had in years and I swore it could not get better, well at 3 months it was better yet, I spoke to an old timer about this, he told me it could continue to get better for up to or over a year!!!!

Well I found out that the old timer was right, I saw improvement, noticeable improvement for at leat a year. There is a saying in AA... "This to shall pass.", it applies here, just give it time, sadly time takes time, so be patient and persistant, things will get better.

Rusty Zipper

i'm with Dee...

NewBeginning010

I also wasnted to add this site for you FS, you test doesnt come close to some of these gems

SelfSeeking

I sobered up- er, went dry anyway- right before school started. I was one hot mess. I don't want you to feel discouraged but I did end up failing a course (was unable to finish an incomplete from the year before) and taking a year off. It ended up being a positive thing in ways I could never have imagined at the time. Just saying, no matter how things turn out (and this is ONE TEST ONLY!- give yourself a chance!), they turn out, you know? I'm now back in school full time, same school, same program, and it is about 200x easier and more enjoyable. Have been active in AA for about a year now and it's made all the difference.
By the way, you have a lot to be proud of at the moment. You took a test, failed it, and you did not drink before or after. This is a momentous occasion!

Emily2002

So glad you're doing so well, that you're passing the sobriety test!

As far as the Algebra... Keep this former English major away!!! lol

I agree with 30Bubba. Go over what you "learned" while you were drinking, rework the problems on your own once if the test's returned (if that's the case), and master those types of problems before the next one. Isn't algebra somewhat sequential?

Sounds to me like you're on the right track, at least, and recognize that a few changes might help. Luckily it's early enough in the semester, too!

Sikkisirus

I can only say what others have said before me and well done on not drinking through it. Exams man, I sure sucked at a few of mine but got through and passed in the end as ive no doubt you will get through

firestorm090

Thanks for the help and insights SR.

Day 10 today and I still feel really shaky, but don't want a drink. I think the combination of xanax and alcohol that I was using for a spell before I started drying out is especially difficult on my system, making withdrawing this time is a real bi*ch.

In some ways, blowing this exam may be a blessing. It showed me how important sober thinking really is academically, and made me start to address my study habits, (or lack of), as well as my fixation with getting off campus as quickly as possible after class. I need to learn how to feel comfortable in an academic setting. The school intimidates me, (maybe I have an underlying fear of ultimate failure that I need to address) so I'm going to start spending more time at school, go to the math lab and take advantage of the instructional aids available. Right now my "want to" is broken, but like everything, you've got to want it to make it happen.

Any suggestions on how to align myself with my goal of academic success would be greatly appreciated.

wzarecky

Alot of things make me thirsty.....

Aysha

I just had to do basic 5th grade long division for my placement test. I totally forgot how to do it. Until my cousin showed me and then it all came back a little. I had algebra on the test. Which they didnt give me on the pracice. I had to guess those. I have no idea how to do algebra anymore.
Your def not alone. But its no reason to drink. That sure isnt gonna help grow back burned out brain cells.
Just brush up some and refresh your memory a little.

Anna

Firestorm,

It sounds like you have a good plan.

You're in early recovery and that's a difficult time for everyone. The stress of a difficult exam is bound to affect you. But, it sounds like you are going to make some positive steps in your education. Stay focused on sobriety and your classes.

box3

I was on the methadone program from ages 20 to 23 and during this time I was studying to complete a degree. For me it was a way to focus on something external during my recovery from opiate abuse. I was experiencing extremely severe anxiety at the time, to the point where I couldn't even be in the same room as my dad and stepmother without feeling socially anxious. The university intimidated me terribly and I was very isolated, but I kept on with my studies. One day I had a panic attack in class and walked myself down to a nearby ER. Despite my fear I kept going to university and I kept working hard, I channeled the energy that I had previously spent on partying into my studies. The students around me were so carefree, I couldn't relate, I felt like an 80 year old. I had never achieved anything in my life, but I found myself thriving academically for the first time and it gave me confidence.

I ended up graduating with first class honors and made the Dean's merit and Chancellor's award list. Once I graduated I successfully withdrew from methadone and haven't touched opiates for 10 years. I now have a solid foundation which has prepared me for future employment. If you need reasonable accommodation to assist with your studies (more time with exams or extensions for assignments) because of alcoholism or other issues, please don't hesitate to contact your university counselor or disability liaison officer.

If I can do it, you can too.

firestorm090

Thanks box3 and everyone.

I appreciate all of you for taking time to boost my morale and help me stay focused on my goal, which is a master's degree in Bus. Mgmt. I'm still an undergrad, w/two years in. This is my third year. I met with my career counselor on campus yesterday to update my schedule and she asked me why my GPA was 3.2. She said I had it in me to be above 3.5 and she was concerned. I told her that I let a couple classes falter due to health reasons, which was only partially true. The real reason was too much booze, not enough time spent hitting the books, and on overall complacency regarding my academic career. She tweeked me in and said there's no reason I shouldn't be in the Honor's society, except I'm letting it slip away. She's right. I hate failure almost as much as success, because right now either of them can set me off in the wrong direction again. Maybe some of you understand. What scared me is she seemed more concerned about it than I. I really need to work on my attitude, which is presently on a spin-cycle. Just not drinking tonight is a real-life struggle for me. I have every reason not to drink, even went to an AA meeting, but left early, and just came home and am sitting here veging out in front of this computer. I did study for a couple hours, with a break in between, but this is a real test of how much I want to succeed. I don't want to fail this test, this chance to get sober and an education, like I've failed in so many areas of my life before now. I have a ton of work to do. Best get busy. Thanks again.

box3, way to go and thanks for the inspiring story. You sound like you're doing great to me.

OZboy

..hi FS..

..a + a = aa.........lol..Oz..

thirtybubba

[QUOTE]The real reason was too much booze, not enough time spent hitting the books, and on overall complacency regarding my academic career....

I hate failure almost as much as success, because right now either of them can set me off in the wrong direction again. Maybe some of you understand. What scared me is she seemed more concerned about it than I/QUOTE]

[emphasis mine...]

Don't know about you, but my "overall complacency regarding my academic career" had a lot to do with what I was drinking. The rest came from feeling out of place on campus and not knowing what I could do with education.

Yup, can understand the failure/success problem. Success is jumping off the Sears tower with a hanglider in your underwear. Failure is a little snowball on top of the Rockies.

That's the thing about school, they do care... They like you, FireStorm. They're going to help you, if you need it. You just gotta ask... As far as other suggestions, you pretty much hit most of what I'd say, using the campus resources. The math lab is a good place to start. Start checking out other offices, though, see what they do and what they can offer you--might be something you never even thought of. Keep an open mind.

Don't fear other students--took me a looooong time to get over that. You're there for you, if they want to play along with that great. If not, .... Yeah, most of them come from different backgrounds, but the irony is they're twice as scared as you, especially those 18/19-year-olds. It's like bears: you're scared, they're scared. Young college students fear school and they fear life. Life isn't half as scary once you live it--not that it's necessarily easy/fun/nonmiserable/whatever--but it's never as scary again as it is when you barely leave home...

Plus, intelligence scares many students too, I've noticed. But, you belong, as much as anybody. Don't ever get to thinking you don't.

Take care,
TB

box3

thirtybubba and others have given some great advice here, firestorm. Your GPA is still very good, it's excellent in fact for someone coping with getting sober. Masters degrees are a long haul if you're starting from undergrad, and life can and will get in the way. There are heaps of strategies you can use to help though, campus counselors, a disability plan, reducing study to part-time or deferring if necessary. I work in higher education and one thing I know about universities is that if they can see you're trying and you're proactive in working with them (and their policies) and availing yourself of their services, they will be supportive and flexible.

I've come a long way since my 20s, although like you I'm struggling with alcohol. Clearly I've still got more work to do in terms of sobriety, and now is the time to do it. It's 5 weeks sober for me.