gns

I was just wondering if others have work issues related to co-dependency and boundaries.

My boss treats me unfairly and my favors my colleague. He can be pretty abusive. I am having trouble with boundary setting. I just "eat it" because I don't want to lose my job.

Anyone else want to share their problems or solutions??

Pelican

I often find myself using my tools from Alanon to help me throughout my day. When an issue keeps repeating itself, I have been known to walk around mumbling the serenity prayer:

Grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change (people, places and things)
The courage to change the things I can (me, myself and I)
And the wisdom to know the difference.

If you feel your boss is abusive, then you may need to find another job or another department.

GiveLove

I am self-employed but have the same issues with clients who want to push as far as they can push. The tools really come in handy every single day for me.

I've just recently found the courage to fire clients who treat me poorly. It fills me with fear because I am worried about not being able to replace them, but I have to do it. Abuse is draining, and if I let someone suck the energy out of me, I won't have the strength to find something better.

I'd be looking for something else too, if I were you. I know times aren't the best, but there ARE jobs out there in most places if you really dig for them. My neighbor-friend just got a teaching job in a market where teachers are being cut like crazy. It doesn't hurt to look.

Life's too short, gns

CatsPajamas

Hi GNS,

I had big time issues at work at the same time I was having issues in my personal life. I didn't have any boundaries at all and allowed people to walk all over me. To be honest, once I found recovery, I started setting and maintaining boundaries at work long before I did it at home!

One of the first things I did was to quit trying to read another person's mind. If I wanted to know something, I asked. If I wanted to know the "why" of something? I asked the other person directly. I had a few closed door meetings at work to ask people if I had done something to offend them and what could be done to make our working relationship better. It became necessary and important to keep business on a business level and not make it too personal.

Things got better at my work. And, when I saw how much better things could be, I started to apply some boundaries at home.

GiveLove

Martha Beck has a great little thing in "The Joy Diet" where she confronts a particularly abusive professor. She summons up all her courage and asks him, "Can I ask you this: Do you hate me, or is this just how you teach?" (turns out that's just how he teaches...but he respected her for asking)

Cats' suggestion to clear the air is a great one. If there is something that can be done to repair your current situation, it's good to try to do that, but at least you'll find out if it can't be repaired and you need to go somewhere else.

gns

Thanks givelove, catspajamas and pelican!!
These suggestions are so helpful.

It is nice to know that you have overcome these issues and that it is important to stand up for yourself even if there is a risk and fear involved!

Thank you!