Need Help
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 12
Need Help
I don't want to labour on , but my wife has depression and drinks. I made it clear that she can't drink and drive. She just left the house and i suspect she was drinking, she knocked my mirror of the car backing out and didn't stop. I just noticed it. Should I ask her to do a breath test when she gets home ? Is that too controlling ? I warned her that the keys will go if she drinks. I f she refuses the test should I take the keys ?
Please help, she drives the kids around. She is back in half an hour.
Thank you.
Please help, she drives the kids around. She is back in half an hour.
Thank you.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 12
The boundary was set weeks ago very formally when she was sober. This was discussed before many times and I set the boundary after educating myself on this forum and through other sources. This has all happened very quickly within months so I am a bit shell shocked. I did not discuss the test although have used it several times when she was drinking just to make sure it was alcohol and not something else. No kids in the car.
To thine own self be true.
Join Date: May 2009
Location: U.S.A.
Posts: 5,924
Well, if you own the car and you have the legal right to take the car from her and you've already told her that if she drinks and drives again you would do this, then I think you have the right to uphold your boundary or the boundary you set for your children.
But is this YOUR boundary you have set for your children or did you set your wife's own boundary for her? Or are you trying to control her? Or trying to scare her and then give her the keys back tomorrow?
Sorry you're in this position.
I would just ask her, have you been drinking and did you drive that car? If she says Yes, I would remind her of the agreement you had not to drink and drive and that you would take the car from her if she did. Can't you just smell the alcohol on her without doing a breathalyzer?
So sorry this is happening.
But is this YOUR boundary you have set for your children or did you set your wife's own boundary for her? Or are you trying to control her? Or trying to scare her and then give her the keys back tomorrow?
Sorry you're in this position.
I would just ask her, have you been drinking and did you drive that car? If she says Yes, I would remind her of the agreement you had not to drink and drive and that you would take the car from her if she did. Can't you just smell the alcohol on her without doing a breathalyzer?
So sorry this is happening.
To Thine Own Self Be True
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: So Cal
Posts: 1,946
I am a recovered alcoholic wife and mother with 16 months sobriety. The last time I drank, I drove drunk with my daughter in the car. I crashed the car. I am so very lucky that neither of us was hurt. Now that I have established where I am coming from, I would like to tell you to test her. I would like to tell you to take the keys if she has been drinking.
I drank and drove every day. I am so very lucky that I did not kill someone. Please discuss this with her when she is sober and let her know that you will not risk her life, your children's lives or anyone else's if you can help it. and let her know that you will call the police if you suspect she has been drinking and drives.
I know this will not be a popular opinion but it is how I feel now that I have some sobriety under my belt.
I drank and drove every day. I am so very lucky that I did not kill someone. Please discuss this with her when she is sober and let her know that you will not risk her life, your children's lives or anyone else's if you can help it. and let her know that you will call the police if you suspect she has been drinking and drives.
I know this will not be a popular opinion but it is how I feel now that I have some sobriety under my belt.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Boston
Posts: 2,936
I wouldn't let anyone who I know habitually drinks to drive my kids around.
Period.
If a person habitually drinks they simply do not get to drive my kids around EVEN IF this time, or this day, or even this week, I think or they tell me that they are not drinking....doesn't cut it. The very nature of alcoholism is the person cannot control when or how much they drink.
I grew up with an alcoholic father and until, and only until he got into recovery and he actually changed, which he did, he was as unreliable and dangerous as ANY alcoholic. No one protected us kids though. My mom was too busy in denial or arguing with him. No action.
Just do the next right thing for you and the kids. There is no advantage to protecting her-- it only lets time pass and dangers increase...
Sucks.
Good luck-
b
Period.
If a person habitually drinks they simply do not get to drive my kids around EVEN IF this time, or this day, or even this week, I think or they tell me that they are not drinking....doesn't cut it. The very nature of alcoholism is the person cannot control when or how much they drink.
I grew up with an alcoholic father and until, and only until he got into recovery and he actually changed, which he did, he was as unreliable and dangerous as ANY alcoholic. No one protected us kids though. My mom was too busy in denial or arguing with him. No action.
Just do the next right thing for you and the kids. There is no advantage to protecting her-- it only lets time pass and dangers increase...
Sucks.
Good luck-
b
Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Atlanta, GA
Posts: 10
No drinking and driving
Worried Dad - you have every right to remove the keys from her.. and perhaps even have one of those things installed that makes you blow into it BEFORE the car will even start. I feel for you. My husband is clinically depressed - takes Paxil and Seraquel at night but recently has started drinking again in the afternoon.. 3-4 40 oz beers. Normally he will not drive if he has been drinking - but rfecently we are down to one car and I work - he is on disability so he is at home and sometimes he needs the car and will come and pick me up at work and I know he has had at least a 40 oz of beer. Please protect your children - I dont know if your wife is on meds for her depression but the acholol really jacks them up - e.g, a drink has the effect of 3 on them with the meds in their system
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