BBD

We've had a good year and 1/2 of Chris doing what I thought was moving ahead. He has a wonderful lady in his life, his business was doing well and then Pow~~~~Monday evening he put himself into a health care center near here. (Mental Health)). He relapsed and the business is under. He could start again but news travels fast in our small town and if you haven't dwelt with addictions I am sure it won't be understood. So far I have not gone to see him. My hubby dropped some things off but hasn't seen him either. I had such a hard time last time dealing with all my codependancy issues that in my heart I really wanted to wait a few days. I'm so blasted mad at him right now. He left his gf, 2 great kids and just did his thing. He needs to figure this out himself. The problem here is he made too much money in the last few months for any help. He had applieded for Veterans Insurance and got accepted but hasn't finished the paperwork yet.....He knows he needs a long term rehab and I'm not so sure where to start looking. NOT that its my business but I just want to look around on the net and see whats out there...oh boy are there boundries if he has to come home. His gf is no dummy and there won't be a second chance here...I'm so angry and just wanted to stop and tell everyone whats up here. And~~I thought he was doing so well......CRAP`````````` Hugs, Bonnie

teke

i'm sorry this is happening, i pray that he finds his way and that all works out the way its suppose to/

hello-kitty

Hugs and I'm sorry for your pain. It's ok to be mad. What he did was really stupid. His relapse into addiction doesn't mean you have to relapse into fullblown codependent mode. Repeat after me.

Hands off the addict.
I didn't cause it. I can't control it. I can't cure it.

Your son will find his own way if you let him. This is all part of his learning experience. This is all part of his journey of recovery.

IPT

I'm sorry you're going thru that. I can sort of relate and know it is NOT easy! My thoughts go out to you and all involved.

outtolunch

Could you consider giving him the dignity to find a long term rehab, if that is his intention?

He does not have to come home. That's your choice, not his.

BBD

Chris is definately not coming back here. We did that last time and even though things worked out (meetings daily)), working around here till he felt he could get back to work~~I am not opening myself or my husband to that again. I was a nervous wreck all the time. Chris is working on finding long term but he just doesn't have the money right now....Makes me so sad. If he robbed a bank, he'd get court ordered long term......or jailtime. But alot of addicts in this area get care after felonies...I found meetings around here and gave up on the long term housing. YUP~~he can do that himself. Smiles, Bonnie My husband is so disalusioned (sp)) and wonders if this will ever end. We are suppose to be enjoying retirement.....right??

URMYEVERYTHING

And you still can. Take a trip while he's in the hospital/rehab. Separate yourself from the chaos and let him find his way. :codiepolice

I'm truly sorry this is what you have to go through as a family yet again but the family should take care of itself and not the addict.

I'll keep you all in my prayers. I know how being on that emotional rollercoaster can feel.

laurie6781

I am so sorry that Chris relapsed. You are doing good staying away for now.

As to Chris looking for 'long term' rehab, all he has to do is contact Salvation Army. Their programs are as 'long term' as the individual needs as long as the individual FOLLOWS THE RULES.

Let him keep looking, eventually he will stumble on Salvation Army.

Keep the 3 C's at the front of your brain, hell type them up in big letters, print them out and paste them on the bathroom mirror.

You and Hubby take care of yourselves.

Call me if you want

Lots of love and bunches of hugs,

BBD

I was hoping you'd show up Laurie....For now I'm OK. Dueys not cause he doesn't read this site daily like I do..But if needed we will be attending AA meetings again. Thanks hon and you'll never know when that phone of yours is going to ring. Bunches of hugs back at ya! Bonnie

sleepygoat

Relapse is so disruptive, so pointless, so sad. For everyone. sorry this happened to all of you.

Spiritual Seeker

Try not to relapse w/ him Bonnie.

So much disappointment with addiction.
There is no way to become immune to sadness.
Hopefully, you can bounce back to equilibrium and your son will too.

BBD

I'm feeling so jittery today. Tomorrow I'll go see Chris but I sure just want to ring his neck and know I can't do that. Not in a placement center. I'm so praying that they find a place for him and that SOMEONE can get to the root of this drug problem. The problem was he got to cocky. Thought he didn't need meetings anymore and that he was just fine.....yeah, right!!! Please keep us in your prayers today and until I find out whats ggoing to happen next. His gf went to visit him today and said things went well. I didn't pry and thats OK....Sadly, Bonnie

laurie6781

Time to do some DEEP BREATHING exercises.

Take a deep breath. Hold it to the count of a slow ten.

Exhale.

Repeat nine more times.

Repeat the exercises as many times a day as needed.

This slows down our heart rate, thus slowing down the blood flow to the brain and just overall calms the whole body.

Hope you posted the 3 C's on the mirror for easy viewing.

This is about YOU not him. Your reactions to him. You have a choice, you can visit tomorrow, or postpone for a day or two until you are more calm.

His relapse ........... his problem.

All you can really do is be good to yourself, hubby to, and sit back and watch his ACTIONS. They will tell you if he learned from this or not.

Love and hugs.

Impurrfect

(((Bonnie)))

I'm sorry, sweetie. I understand the anger. When I relapsed is when my dad said "I hate you". I knew he didn't, really, but I also understood that he was angry, hurt, and a whole slew of other emotions since I had been doing so good.

((Laurie's)) right (as usual ) ... you can see him tomorrow or not...it's not something you HAVE to do. The only thing I think you HAVE to do is take care of you.

Big hugs and prayers!

Amy

imallright

Bonnie... know that my thoughts are with you. You have helped me to be strong sooo many times. Pull on that strength and take care of you. BIG hugs coming across the state!

Serenity Bound

Bonnie, Both Laurie & Amy are right! You do not have to visit just yet. If you read my thread you'll see, that I just HAD to do it MY way, didn't listen to everyone here, or even my inner voice, or the fact that I was so angry. Yep, I went to visit and it was NOT the wise thing to do.

You take of you and let Chris take care of himself. He knows what he needs to do.

Addiction is such a sad & ugly disease.

Hugs & Prayers,
Chris

Abundance

Oh I'm so sorry.

Thinking of you..... xoxo

BBD

For thr first time in my life I am not going to try and figure anything out tomorrow. I am going to see Chris becuase if they do place him over the week-end it may be somewhere not so close to home....I am angry but do love him and pray he can find his way this time. Hopefully he'll do a better job if Duey and i choose a little distance. God my heart hurts and the tears are finally coming. Its been 2 weeks since I last saw him....and I really thought life was good. Thats what I get for thinking good thoughts. Life certainly can stink at times. Thanks everyone for your kind words. I love you guys ALOT~~~ Hugs, Bonnie

Abundance

How strong you are..... this sure is not for the weak.



This is not what you get for thinking good thoughts. His addiction/recovery is for him to own..... it's your choice to allow it to become the highs/lows of your life.

When they relapse - it means they are that much closer to their bottom.

I am so sorry that this has happened. Instead of it being about your good thoughts - it's really about addiction. He is only doing what addicts do. I despise this disease SO much.

I can't stand how we have to take our love down or be it tough love ..... when all we want to do is love them to wellness..... but our love does the opposite. So we have to have a different kind of love.

I'm thinking of you and your family ....... xoxoox

ladyhawk69

I've been on this sight for 2 weeks now just reading and this is the first time I've posted anything. (I'm the gf in Chris' situation) I'm in awe of the support given. It truly makes me think that there are angels out there! I've never gone to visit anyone in a mental health facility before and it was very in a word, uncomfortable. Especially to see the man you love in such a state. Bonnie, we will always be family regardless of the outcome and you can call me and cry, yell, whatever you need. I am here for YOU and I love you and Duey with all my heart. I am more angry now then ever and of course can't sleep again............ Angry at HIM for all the pain he has caused so many people who love him. I almost didn't go in today.....

Kim