Do I take him with me?
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Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Seattle WA
Posts: 122
Do I take him with me?
As you guys know I called the wedding off almost 1 week ago. And my ex fiancé is in jail for missing his probation appointment.
I have honeymoon tickets to Mexico for 1 week and Europe for another week.
I tried to change the name, or get a credit for his ticket but its impossible. All my friends can not get a time off work to go with me.
I talked to his mom.. and apparently he is getting out on a work release in about a week and she is taking him to specialist and she is asking me if I would take him with me on our vacation. Just to get away and since we cant return these tickets that way at least we'll use them.
I'm not planning to go to Mexico by my self. It's too creepy.
He called me 5 times in a row and a didn't pick up his collect calls so he is asking his mom to put money so he could talk to me but she said she wont do it until I'll ask her to. Also when she told him that the wedding is canceled he started crying and couldn't believe it.
What should i do? from on point of view if I'll take him with me, we'll get away , have some fun, relax, he needs it and I do too. But would i be strong enough after that to move on...?
Or if i wont take him? first of all he can go anyways because the ticket is on his name, 2nd I would not go to Mexico alone...
What do i do? :wtf2
Edited to delete photo identifying another person
I have honeymoon tickets to Mexico for 1 week and Europe for another week.
I tried to change the name, or get a credit for his ticket but its impossible. All my friends can not get a time off work to go with me.
I talked to his mom.. and apparently he is getting out on a work release in about a week and she is taking him to specialist and she is asking me if I would take him with me on our vacation. Just to get away and since we cant return these tickets that way at least we'll use them.
I'm not planning to go to Mexico by my self. It's too creepy.
He called me 5 times in a row and a didn't pick up his collect calls so he is asking his mom to put money so he could talk to me but she said she wont do it until I'll ask her to. Also when she told him that the wedding is canceled he started crying and couldn't believe it.
What should i do? from on point of view if I'll take him with me, we'll get away , have some fun, relax, he needs it and I do too. But would i be strong enough after that to move on...?
Or if i wont take him? first of all he can go anyways because the ticket is on his name, 2nd I would not go to Mexico alone...
What do i do? :wtf2
Edited to delete photo identifying another person
Last edited by greeteachday; 09-09-2009 at 06:56 PM.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Seattle WA
Posts: 122
did you get trip insurance? will they allow you to credit your ticket toward another flight?
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 3,335
she is asking me if I would take him with me on our vacation.
I think you should go no contact with him AND his mom if that's the way they are going to be about it.
What do you think is the wise choice honey? The guy is a drug addict with a criminal record. Look at you. Don't you think you deserve better than that?
And PS. Leaving the country, or even the town, when you are on work release is SO ILLEGAL! Hello?!! It's a bigtime violation and his butt would be thrown back in jail the moment the police find him.
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Join Date: Apr 2007
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His probation officer knew that he was going on a honeymoon and they were okay with that.
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Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Seattle WA
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The guy is a drug addict with a criminal record.
And PS. Leaving the country, or even the town, when you are on work release
About what i really think is the right choice? i do want to go with him ... but than i understand that it would not change a fact that he Will always have that habit.
grateful rca
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: atlanta, ga.
Posts: 4,671
okay, after the trip and all the fun, then what? i agree with the others, imo, sounds like a bad idea. probably won't take him very long to find drugs in mexico. i'm a recovering addict and i know that if i was active in mexico, maybe my mind wouldn't be on just having fun on the beach. it kind of sounds kind of tempting to me.
btw, did he actually tell him probation officer that he was planning to go out of the country?
btw, did he actually tell him probation officer that he was planning to go out of the country?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Seattle WA
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did he actually tell him probation officer that he was planning to go out of the country?
okay, after the trip and all the fun, then what?
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Join Date: Dec 2008
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While I have never been to Mexico myself, I can't imagine it would be a healthy place for an active addict to spend time.
Your picture is very lovely, and I can only just imagine the pain you are feeling over the cancellation of your wedding. Perhaps it might not be the best idea to torture yourself by continuing to look at these sorts of photos. For the sake of your own health and sanity, it might be a good idea to pack those photos away in a box somewhere and then, perhaps, throw them out when you feel stronger.
It is a shame that you will lose the money spent on those tickets. But it might be healthier for you in the long run to not go with him since it will merely send him mixed signals about your intentions.
Huge hugs and prayers to you as you work your way through all of this.
HG
Your picture is very lovely, and I can only just imagine the pain you are feeling over the cancellation of your wedding. Perhaps it might not be the best idea to torture yourself by continuing to look at these sorts of photos. For the sake of your own health and sanity, it might be a good idea to pack those photos away in a box somewhere and then, perhaps, throw them out when you feel stronger.
It is a shame that you will lose the money spent on those tickets. But it might be healthier for you in the long run to not go with him since it will merely send him mixed signals about your intentions.
Huge hugs and prayers to you as you work your way through all of this.
HG
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Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 494
Too bad you’re so far away...I'd totally go with you 
. Seriously (not that I was kidding), have you read any of my threads? If not, you might want to. After 4 years of a gradually worsening relationship I finally reached my limit and had enough. I was just tired of the empty promises and my needs not being met because she couldn’t follow thru or be responsible. I was totally at peace with my decision too but it took a long time to get to that point! After 7 weeks of not seeing her I thought I was over it enough to just hang out and enjoy each other because I missed the physical part of the relationship. We only saw each other a few times and I GOT PULLED RIGHT BACK INTO IT. That was just after a few times…I am still struggling to get back to where I was 5 months ago when I first left. Imagine how hard it will be to let go again after what will likely be an amazing trip totally removed from reality and all the stressors that are back at home. It will be a fantasy and most likely you’ll feel like it will be able to continue once you get home. Also most likely that will never happen…. I totally relate to you, and Lord knows (as well as my heart) I made plenty of bad choices regarding her and "us" that caused me plenty of heartache.
. Seriously (not that I was kidding), have you read any of my threads? If not, you might want to. After 4 years of a gradually worsening relationship I finally reached my limit and had enough. I was just tired of the empty promises and my needs not being met because she couldn’t follow thru or be responsible. I was totally at peace with my decision too but it took a long time to get to that point! After 7 weeks of not seeing her I thought I was over it enough to just hang out and enjoy each other because I missed the physical part of the relationship. We only saw each other a few times and I GOT PULLED RIGHT BACK INTO IT. That was just after a few times…I am still struggling to get back to where I was 5 months ago when I first left. Imagine how hard it will be to let go again after what will likely be an amazing trip totally removed from reality and all the stressors that are back at home. It will be a fantasy and most likely you’ll feel like it will be able to continue once you get home. Also most likely that will never happen…. I totally relate to you, and Lord knows (as well as my heart) I made plenty of bad choices regarding her and "us" that caused me plenty of heartache.
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Chicago area
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Originally Posted by DreamAngel 
Honestly I dont know. I just dont want to go alone
But I am not you and so this sounds like you are rationalizing a decision to sustain a relationship of hopeful fantasy with this adult child.
If this is acceptable to you, enjoy yourself.
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Join Date: Feb 2008
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My 24 year old son spent about $1500 on an old girlfriend before realizing she was a walking disaster (codie and active drug addictions in her family). He was bummed about all the money he spent until his friends pointed out it was a cheap price to pay for FREEDOM.
But like Freedom said, do what you're going to do. Be prepared for the cost to go up, though.
But like Freedom said, do what you're going to do. Be prepared for the cost to go up, though.
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Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Philadelphia, PA
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My question for you is what will you gain by going on this trip with HIM? And, what deserving behavior has he shown you to even go on this trip? I got burned in the same way... took my RBF to a week long vacation (room and board was free and furnished by his aunt) but other things were not free. 1 month later he relapsed. If he has NOTHING to offer on this trip, as it sounds like he doesn't then 1.) go alone or 2.) If you aren't comfortable with going alone, then take those tickets as a learning lesson to a bigger picture you will see in the future.
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Join Date: Aug 2009
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I think you know what you SHOULD do.
Let's reframe it this way: if I were you, and you were my best friend and you knew all of the b.s. that I have gone through...what advice would you give me? What would you want me to do?
Let's reframe it this way: if I were you, and you were my best friend and you knew all of the b.s. that I have gone through...what advice would you give me? What would you want me to do?
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Join Date: Aug 2009
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Lol, I would tell myself that, too. Although there was definitely a time in my past where I would have jumped at the chance of having a "romantic getaway" with my addict...even though that little voice in the back of my head (which ALWAYS tells the truth) would be nagging at me the entire time.
I loved OutToLunch's post....the whole "relationship of hopeful fantasy with this adult child." I actually giggled out loud when I read that, because for me, that was SO TRUE. I loved my addict so freaking much but yet on some level, I knew that what OutToLunch wrote truly applied.
DreamAngel, this is not meant in any way to insult or offend you, and I hope that you are not. We all know it's hard. But look at you...you are GORGEOUS...and daily life with an active addict is TOUGH...really think about this. Are you willing to live with this uncertainty, with this addiction, for another 5 years? 10 years? Until you're old and gray? What are you getting out of this relationship?
Hang in there. But do think about long-term. It's so easy to get caught up in the moment, in the short-term. Just think about your future.
I loved OutToLunch's post....the whole "relationship of hopeful fantasy with this adult child." I actually giggled out loud when I read that, because for me, that was SO TRUE. I loved my addict so freaking much but yet on some level, I knew that what OutToLunch wrote truly applied.
DreamAngel, this is not meant in any way to insult or offend you, and I hope that you are not. We all know it's hard. But look at you...you are GORGEOUS...and daily life with an active addict is TOUGH...really think about this. Are you willing to live with this uncertainty, with this addiction, for another 5 years? 10 years? Until you're old and gray? What are you getting out of this relationship?
Hang in there. But do think about long-term. It's so easy to get caught up in the moment, in the short-term. Just think about your future.
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Join Date: Feb 2008
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truth, I would suggest you go by yourself and have a damn good time! Read some books, lounge by the pool or ocean, take a camera and seize the opportunity because you may never have it again
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