AngelaG

Hi there,
I am new here, as of today 09/09/09. I am 37 yrs old, a wife, and a mother.

I stumbled upon this website group as I typed in Google
"my husband sleeps all the time & has a drug problem"

I registered, and here I am... I am hopeful that I will get some great advice
and learn how to deal with some deep issues that I have with my
husband... Which some of the issues have been going on for many, many years now.

Here's just a bit (not detailed) on why I am here:

Today is our 9th wedding anniversary... But I met him 21 years ago.
I am 37 yrs old and he will be turning 50 yrs in Oct. So, there is
for sure an age difference.

He is like a "Jeckle & Hyde"... Either he's "up" and doing crank/meth (snorting) or he is sleeping. There's no in between... Only getting up to eat, make a kitchen mess, and slam cupboards & go psyco if there's not what he wants... Then back to sleep again...

He is very unmotivated, no goals or dreams... Very un-healthy household and I feel stuck.

Anna

Hi and Welcome!

I'm glad you found us.

I hope that your husband will seek help for his addiction. And, I hope that you will find help for yourself. You might want to try AlAnon or NarAnon for yourself. We also two forums here for Friends & Families.

AngelaG

Thank you. I know he won't get help as this has been on on-going problem for many years now, and still continues... I guess what I'm looking for is some insight for myself. As I cannot leave the relationship due to financial struggles. Being that I feel that I'm stuck I need to learn and cope myself.

I am not nor have I been in denial about this problem... It isn't going to go away as in his head, "there is no problem."

I will check out the Friends & Family forum- thank you.

NewBeginning010

Hi AngelaG, welcome to SR You will also find a lot of support in the friends & family section as there are a lot of people that are going through the same things are you are there. You can even copy & paste your original post there as well.

Take Care,

NB

ElegantlyWasted

Take action. For yourself first. Sounds like some nasty stuff you're dealing with. Alanon may be a great place to start. Best of luck I'm 37 myself, on day 43 this time and have my whole life in front of me. You should too. Best of luck, a lot of people, who are more experienced and have been in a similar situation to you than I are more than willing to help in anyway possible.

ClayTheScribe

I took a Cravings & Addictions class this summer in my last semester of college and in the class a woman presented a situation much like yours in that her boyfriend did meth and also was either up or down. She also could not leave the relationship. The advice we gave to her was to go to NarAnon and start getting help for herself first. (I would steer clear of NarCAnon unless you're a scientologist) It's important to take care of yourself first and build yourself up to have more strength. NarAnon will help you learn to cope better with someone who's addicted. You can find meetings here. It's possible if he sees you doing well and being strong, he may eventually want the same for himself. Also, make sure you're not enabling him. Don't buy the foods he likes anymore. Make it uncomfortable for him to be an addict without turning him deeper into his addiction. Study what meth does do the body and brain and try to talk to him about it. But the best thing to do is go to NarAnon. You might also consider getting yourself a therapist, especially one that's an addiction specialist.

Good luck and

Take care

Reese321

Hello! Welcome.

You seem like a pretty bright woman, as your writing is crisp and clear. Have you tried looking for a way to get away from this situation? It takes a bit of thinking outside of the box, no doubt. If your husband doesn't even want to aknowledge that there is a problem, there is really not much you can do except continue to endure this hardship. Do you really want that?

Try to get him into AA or some sort of counseling. I can only imagine the tribulations that you have been through. I'm sure some sort of professional help will help you out. From the little you wrote, it seems that your husband is the main problem though. If you really feel that trapped, only intensive help for both you and your husband will really fix this situation. Do you think he would go?

If not, then you need to concentrat only on yourself and your well-being.

It will take some courage on your part, but the fact that you came here only shows that you have that courage! Be optimistic and do not undervalue yourself.

I wish you only the best, and good luck!

ToABetterMe11

Hello! Wishing you all the best!

Hevyn

AngelaG, my heart goes out to you. I was in a similar situation years ago. My husband never got help, never acknowledged his addiction.At that time I didn't have any education on the subject of alcoholism or drug addiction & did all the wrong things - best enabler ever! We ended up separating after 12 yrs. It was hell before I finally admitted I had to remove myself from the situation. (He's been dead 2 yrs.) I remember the walking on eggs feeling, the pleading and cajoling just for ordinary things to get done around the house - the difficulty in keeping up the appearance of a normal family for others. When children are involved it complicates everything, too.

Well you are no longer alone - I'm sure the other forum will be very helpful and comforting. Please let us know how you're doing.

AngelaG

Thank you. Sounds like you did go through the same thing... Yes, the egg shells.. Uggg.
I have been trying to post the thread in the family and friends section but I keep getting a web error and it won't let me. So, I will be over in that forum trying to post

Hevyn

I'm not suggesting you should give up on him, or your marriage Angela - it's just that when they refuse to see what they're doing to themselves and to you, there's nothing to hold on to. Mine even was sent to rehab by his company & the day he came out said to me, "Well, I'll still have a beer now and then - I know where I went wrong & I won't overdo it again...." My heart sank at that point. Yours may see the light, though - especially once you are armed with more knowledge and get some ideas on how to cope. As Clay pointed out - get help for yourself first.

AngelaG

Thank you so much! Being that I've dealt with this for so many years.. I have researched about how crank affects the brain, etc. and have come to understand it. The moment his brain finally reaches the level to be "normal" and "feel" he just does it again.

If he's not "up" he is sleeping.. The man can sleep for days on end, with only getting up to eat, complain, and cause problems... And then back in bed again.

I also think that he must have depression issues and that is why he's basically done the drug all his life (almost 50 yrs old now). And if he's not on the drug he cannot function what-so-ever.

I am quite discusted at how unmotivated he is... And how he lays around and sleeps...
So, disconnected from our household, etc. And when he is "up" he's in his garage, which I call the "hobbit hole."

You also helped me... I didn't realize by me running out and buying food when he's acting psychotic, was not doing any good. I do it to of-course "save the household" from his burden of Jeckle & Hyde. And I'm sure you can imagine the names that I have been called in his fits of rage- if there are no tortillas...

AngelaG

Yes.. Once I gain more knowledge I may be able to cope better... I have done so much research over the years... But still have not found anything on our certain situation. As my husband sleeps sooooo much and I can never find a thing on:

Husband: Sleeps all the time, crank/meth snorting for over 20 + yrs
mood swings, jeckle & hyde, unmotivated, no goals, acts like a psycopath in fits of rage, and disconnected on drugs or off...

So, I am glad that I found this site Thank you all...

AngelaG

I still can't post my thread in the family & friends area... Keep getting a web error message. I have tried everything I know computer wise to get it to post...

Reese321

Hello.

It seems that you are invested in this relationship. The one thing I found is that when you enact a change in bahavior, it begins to affect those near you. Is there something you can change to allow your husband to see what he is doing to himself and those around him?

Sometimes people are like pinballs, they blindly hurl towards whatever destination their previous choices have chosen for them. Change the "pinball hurler," so to speak, and you change their destination.

You are in a complicated situation, and it will be hard to truly help you. Have you suggested that your husband comes here?

I hope you are well, and good luck.

AngelaG

Thank you for posting... He does not see that he has a problem, even I though I have talked about it for years with him. He will not come here either... The only thing would be for me to actually leave, and that is pretty much impossible right now. As there is myself, my 16 yr old daughter, and 4 pets that I've had for years.... An I lost my job after 6 yrs and now unemployed

NewBeginning010

Thread Title Issue
If you can't post a new thread try using only one word for your thread title. This will often allow the post to go through.

See if that works

Wolfchild

Hello & welcome to the Sober Recovery community.

Dee74

Hi Angela

Lots of great advice here - this is a wonderful place for support
I hope you sorted out that thread issue - let us know if not

Welcome to SR
D

ClayTheScribe

Just curious about how he supports you if he's only doing crank or sleeping?