bebemay

Hello everyone. I just happened to find this site and I am so glad I did. I feel like I am at the end of my rope, and I just dont know what to do. I am not an alcoholic or addict, but my father and my boyfriend of six years are. My dad also has serious mental illness, and has completely destroyed his life in the past few years in every way possible. The person my dad used to be is completely gone and has been replaced by someone who seems completely insane. My boyfriend and I have been together for six years. He has always been an alcoholic, and we have been through ALOT of bad times together. Two years ago he got into a lot of trouble and went to long term rehab. He has been sober ever since until a month ago, when he decided he would rather drink than be with me. This came as a devastating blow to me, we were planning to get married and he is/was my best friend. We have still been talking but arent together, which is his decision. I feel so completely lost and just crushed by this....I am just blown away by the loss of my boyfriend. I feel so completely betrayed and abandoned, and I really dont know what to do. I dont want to go to an al-anon meeting because it is very hard for me to talk in public, and if I try I usually end up breaking down. I really just want someone to talk to about all this. This is the only site I have found with any mental health resources, it seems like there is just no help or concern for this issue. I am trying very hard to "detach" myself from these issues, but I am so heartbroken that I dont know how much more of this I can take. Any help would be appreciated. Thank you, sorry for the long post.

Aysha

Welcome..I am sorry you are feeling the effects of what addiction can do to our loved ones.
I still to this day dont really know what my family went through with me. I do but not really from their POV.
You are more than welcome to post anywhere you like. But you may find the Friends and Family forums more helpful.

Here is a link..One for alcohol
Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
and one for substance abuse.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...tance-abusers/
There are alot of people in those forums just like you. That can help ease your mind a little. And lend some support.
Glad you are here. Hang in there.

Dee74

Welcome to SR bebemay

I'm sorry your life has been so touched by addiction, but we're glad to have you in Newcomers - SR is a great support to so many of us

please do follow the link Aysha posted tho - our family and friends forums are fantastic too.

D

thirtybubba

Welcome to SR, bebemay. There is lots of support here, and for what you're going through, I too would recommend Aysha's links.

Tazman53

You do not have to say a single word unless you want too.

Trust me you would not be the first person in Alanon to break down, we do the same in AA on occasion.

You can talk to people before and after the Alanon meeting, I know in AA a lot of one on one goes on both before and after meetings, then of course there is the coffee meetings and the phone conversations.

Check out those links Aysha gave, good folks there, and think about going to Alanon, those folks will confirm that you are not alone in this and they have experience in dealing with what you are going through.

Another idea would be to talk to your doctor or seeing a mental health professional, they can be of great benefit as well.

least

Welcome to SR! I"m glad you joined the family. Lots of support and understanding here from people going thru similar situations.

CarolD

Welcome....

You can go to Al anon to listen.
I do know I found it immensley helpful.
I cried too when I found a group
of people who understood my concerns.

littlefish

I never realized I could be an alcoholic and also be a codependent, but I am. I have a brother who has the double diagnosis of mental illness and alcoholism. He lives a painful and miserable life in which he is a serious danger to himself. I have two other chronic alcoholic brothers, so I know what it means to be codependent and feel rejected and hurt, used and betrayed.

I would also recommend that you go to alanon. Talking to my AA sponsor has helped me tremendously in understanding that the hurt my brothers cause is not because they don't love me, but because they are alcoholics and they treat everyone that way.

I hope you visit the codependent forum here: when you are in or have been in a relationship with an alcoholic, you are definitely codependent.

Being a codie means being asked to always give far more than you recieve...if you recieve anything. It means being expected to accept betrayal, dishonesty and even theft without being offered apology, the truth or compensation.

Every codie faces the challenge of setting limits and sticking to them. Saying no and not wavering. Quite frequently the threat of withdrawing their love is a method alcoholics use to attain their means.

You will find a lot of support on the friends and families of alcoholics forum in how to deal with these challenges. Stay strong and keep coming back.

bebemay

Thank you littlefish! i hadnt even seen that forum since I just started looking around. I am trying really hard to detach myself from my boyfriend and dad, so I will definitely be heading to that forum.