Can You Help Me Please?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 8
Can You Help Me Please?
Hello Sober Recovery,
I am new to the site I would like some help and honest answers as I know that I will receive. Here is my story.
My ex boyfriend which I have been knowing for about 5 years he is an addict. I met him when he was in an oxford house(recovery house). I have never been one drugs I have no idea what it is like well he hd relapsed in 2007 he had left me for a 19 year old female and in this town she is a ***** and she is on drugs also. Me and my ex are both 30 so when he left me I know what it was all about the drugs. Well when he was with her there were a lot of arguing and problems they were very unstable. My ex is a licensed carpenter while we were broke up and he was with this girl. He said he was at work with a saw she called in on his cell phone and was arguing with him and he had cut his finger well they went to the hospital and told the hospital that she was his husband well the doctor asked her what did she want to have done with the finger sew it back on or cut it off. She said cut it off. This girl was very abusive to my ex's son. All and all it was a bad relationship.
Well my ex and her broke up two months ago I guess he was at the point where he was tired of the situation and she cut him on his chest to keep him from leaving. Busted the windows out the house they were living is and busted all the televisions in the house. He had called me wanting me to take him back and I told him I wasn't going to take him back. Well about 3 weeks ago he called back and told me that he was ready to get himself together, he wanted his family back, and wanted to get married and everything. So on 8/21/09 I reunited with him after two years and we sat down and talked everything out, I took him back. He moved into his moms house until he can get himself together. I spent the weekend with him my 2 kids and his son and everything was great it was like old times. I live 2 hours from him. He doesn't have a license b/c he got DWI's when he was in his last relationship. Well we had decided we were going to work on getting an apartment in the city where he lives he is from there and I have family there also so it would be great. He was in between jobs, but he was actively looking. I spent the weekend and left that Sunday. We had agreed that I would return 2 weeks later...
I returned on 9/4/09 that evening I had got there when I got there things just didn't seem right with him. He wasn't as affectionate as he was the last time I was there. He had worked on a job a day and when I had got there he asked me if I could take him to cash his check which i did the check was for $120. So when we get back to the housing the kids are playing he said that he has to go to the store to get some cigarettes. I told him I would take him, he was so set on going to the store by himself. he had told me about this guy that lives down the street, something about this guy just didnt sit to well with me. So he gets loud as says "I'm a grown man" and starts walking down the road. He was gone for an hour. His mom came in and we had a family dinner and everything then she left out with her boyfriend for the night. We put the kids down for bed and we went to sleep.
On 9/5/09 Saturday morning his mom went off to work. After she left we had got up, got the kids up he cooked breakfast for everyone. After we ate and everything he said he had to go to the store again. When he left I was getting the kids clothing ironed and getting them ready. I cleaned up his son and his nieces room he was gone for about 1 1/2. When he got back I was giving the last child their bath he came in went straight to the kitchen he had his back to me and couldn't face me b/c he know that I know that he went to use drugs. I went upstairs he wouldn't go upstairs where I was just basically avoiding me. Later on that night he starts talking out of his head. Mind you we are back together he tells me that he isn't going to move out of his moms house right now and it's not a good idea for us to move right now b/c he has to get himself together. And also the long distance relationship between us makes things stressful. Well we got into it. this was about a 10:00 at night. He was trying to get me to keep the kids bc he said he wanted to walk to the store. I asked him did you want your family if not I am ending this relationship and leaving. He said he wanted his family so I went back in the house. He left out again claiming he was going to the store he came back about 10:30 fixed the kids something to eat 10 minutes after that he told me "Baby I am so sleepy, I am so tired". He went to sleep on the couch he didn't get up take a bath or nothing. I had to get the kids their baths and put them to bed. He slept the whole night he didn't wake up at all.
9/6/2009 Sunday. We woke up and he asked me to walk with him to the on site laundry facility so he can do some of his laundry. His mom had already invited us to a picnic at the lake. My ex said he didn't want to go b/c he wanted to go to a cookout down the street from the house the house that he goes to all the time. Where I know that is where he is getting his drugs from. It's not like him not to want to do "family outings". That pissed me off. The laundry basket with his sons clothes was full and his son didn't have any clean underwear at all. He went and washed his clothes instead of washing some underwear from his son. Mind you he had got a check for $120 he isn't work I told him to give his mom at least $50 or something to keep her off his back he tells me "I am not giving my mom nothing". I said ok fine. I walked with him to the laundry facility he put his clothes in the washer and we came back. The kids were up and it was time for them to get their breakfast he didn't cook right away he said he would be back he was gone for another hour. I took a shower he still wasn't back the kids told me they were hungry. I told the kids once I get done ironing I will cook them something. I am not the type of person to go into someone else kitchen to cook b/c it wasn't my house so after I finished getting a shower and ironing the kids clothes he comes upstairs i told him the kids need their breakfast he said he was getting ready to cook it. He sits down on the bed and tells me to come sit beside him. He couldn't even look me in my face. He said again that he doesn't think it will be a good idea for us to move into a place right now b/c his mom needs him. His mom recently got her grandchild out of foster care which is my ex's brothers daughter. Then he said he need to concentrate on his son b/c his son is reading on a second grade level, then he said right now he isn't ready for a committed relationship. He said he has been by himself for 2 months and he enjoys his freedom. Excuses. He kept saying just give me some time. and we need to hold back on getting married b/c i was to evaluate to see if this is what I really want. Talking out of his head. And.. there are things that I have to work on. Excuse after excuse. He says that he is in love with me and he needs time. He begged and pleaded me with to take him back and he was going to do right by me and the kids now he does want it. Then when i told him I am tired of this and I wanted to go and find someone else he was telling me not to do that and he loves me. What I am getting at is what in the world happened in that two week period? I already know what happened is the drugs. When I speak about drugs he gets all on the defensive. I am trying to figure out did his mom have some influence on him at all b/c she is a recovering addict also and my ex cooks, cleans, and takes care of those kids and she works and runs around with her boyfriend that's all she does. b/c the last time I was down there my ex me and his mom was in the car together and she told my ex that since he moved back in she was going to have to look for a 3 bedroom, well my ex told her that he was going to get a place with me and the kids, so i am wondering if she said anything to him. My ex isn't able to look for a job b/c he is doing all of this. I really need some help and advice. I love him but I don't know if I want to live the rest of my life like this. He told me that he wants to be friends then he said he want us to be together sitting on the bed. He said all he wants is my friendship and company. He is all over the place I have been with this man for 6 years. On top of all that 2 weeks ago when I was down there we had sex. I haven't gotten my period and I could be pregnant by him. When he told me all this I packed me and my kids S*** and got out of there. I had, had all I could take. I love him, but when he gets on those drugs he is a totally different person. But see gets on them he breaks up with me i guess he doesn't want me to see him like that or something. I just would like for him to get himself together even if we don't ever get back together b/c i want him to be a father to his son b/c his sons mother is deceased that's all I want. Before I left he told me he loved me I kept walking to the car as if I didn't even hear him. I just would like some help and advice on dealing with this situation. thanks
I am new to the site I would like some help and honest answers as I know that I will receive. Here is my story.
My ex boyfriend which I have been knowing for about 5 years he is an addict. I met him when he was in an oxford house(recovery house). I have never been one drugs I have no idea what it is like well he hd relapsed in 2007 he had left me for a 19 year old female and in this town she is a ***** and she is on drugs also. Me and my ex are both 30 so when he left me I know what it was all about the drugs. Well when he was with her there were a lot of arguing and problems they were very unstable. My ex is a licensed carpenter while we were broke up and he was with this girl. He said he was at work with a saw she called in on his cell phone and was arguing with him and he had cut his finger well they went to the hospital and told the hospital that she was his husband well the doctor asked her what did she want to have done with the finger sew it back on or cut it off. She said cut it off. This girl was very abusive to my ex's son. All and all it was a bad relationship.
Well my ex and her broke up two months ago I guess he was at the point where he was tired of the situation and she cut him on his chest to keep him from leaving. Busted the windows out the house they were living is and busted all the televisions in the house. He had called me wanting me to take him back and I told him I wasn't going to take him back. Well about 3 weeks ago he called back and told me that he was ready to get himself together, he wanted his family back, and wanted to get married and everything. So on 8/21/09 I reunited with him after two years and we sat down and talked everything out, I took him back. He moved into his moms house until he can get himself together. I spent the weekend with him my 2 kids and his son and everything was great it was like old times. I live 2 hours from him. He doesn't have a license b/c he got DWI's when he was in his last relationship. Well we had decided we were going to work on getting an apartment in the city where he lives he is from there and I have family there also so it would be great. He was in between jobs, but he was actively looking. I spent the weekend and left that Sunday. We had agreed that I would return 2 weeks later...
I returned on 9/4/09 that evening I had got there when I got there things just didn't seem right with him. He wasn't as affectionate as he was the last time I was there. He had worked on a job a day and when I had got there he asked me if I could take him to cash his check which i did the check was for $120. So when we get back to the housing the kids are playing he said that he has to go to the store to get some cigarettes. I told him I would take him, he was so set on going to the store by himself. he had told me about this guy that lives down the street, something about this guy just didnt sit to well with me. So he gets loud as says "I'm a grown man" and starts walking down the road. He was gone for an hour. His mom came in and we had a family dinner and everything then she left out with her boyfriend for the night. We put the kids down for bed and we went to sleep.
On 9/5/09 Saturday morning his mom went off to work. After she left we had got up, got the kids up he cooked breakfast for everyone. After we ate and everything he said he had to go to the store again. When he left I was getting the kids clothing ironed and getting them ready. I cleaned up his son and his nieces room he was gone for about 1 1/2. When he got back I was giving the last child their bath he came in went straight to the kitchen he had his back to me and couldn't face me b/c he know that I know that he went to use drugs. I went upstairs he wouldn't go upstairs where I was just basically avoiding me. Later on that night he starts talking out of his head. Mind you we are back together he tells me that he isn't going to move out of his moms house right now and it's not a good idea for us to move right now b/c he has to get himself together. And also the long distance relationship between us makes things stressful. Well we got into it. this was about a 10:00 at night. He was trying to get me to keep the kids bc he said he wanted to walk to the store. I asked him did you want your family if not I am ending this relationship and leaving. He said he wanted his family so I went back in the house. He left out again claiming he was going to the store he came back about 10:30 fixed the kids something to eat 10 minutes after that he told me "Baby I am so sleepy, I am so tired". He went to sleep on the couch he didn't get up take a bath or nothing. I had to get the kids their baths and put them to bed. He slept the whole night he didn't wake up at all.
9/6/2009 Sunday. We woke up and he asked me to walk with him to the on site laundry facility so he can do some of his laundry. His mom had already invited us to a picnic at the lake. My ex said he didn't want to go b/c he wanted to go to a cookout down the street from the house the house that he goes to all the time. Where I know that is where he is getting his drugs from. It's not like him not to want to do "family outings". That pissed me off. The laundry basket with his sons clothes was full and his son didn't have any clean underwear at all. He went and washed his clothes instead of washing some underwear from his son. Mind you he had got a check for $120 he isn't work I told him to give his mom at least $50 or something to keep her off his back he tells me "I am not giving my mom nothing". I said ok fine. I walked with him to the laundry facility he put his clothes in the washer and we came back. The kids were up and it was time for them to get their breakfast he didn't cook right away he said he would be back he was gone for another hour. I took a shower he still wasn't back the kids told me they were hungry. I told the kids once I get done ironing I will cook them something. I am not the type of person to go into someone else kitchen to cook b/c it wasn't my house so after I finished getting a shower and ironing the kids clothes he comes upstairs i told him the kids need their breakfast he said he was getting ready to cook it. He sits down on the bed and tells me to come sit beside him. He couldn't even look me in my face. He said again that he doesn't think it will be a good idea for us to move into a place right now b/c his mom needs him. His mom recently got her grandchild out of foster care which is my ex's brothers daughter. Then he said he need to concentrate on his son b/c his son is reading on a second grade level, then he said right now he isn't ready for a committed relationship. He said he has been by himself for 2 months and he enjoys his freedom. Excuses. He kept saying just give me some time. and we need to hold back on getting married b/c i was to evaluate to see if this is what I really want. Talking out of his head. And.. there are things that I have to work on. Excuse after excuse. He says that he is in love with me and he needs time. He begged and pleaded me with to take him back and he was going to do right by me and the kids now he does want it. Then when i told him I am tired of this and I wanted to go and find someone else he was telling me not to do that and he loves me. What I am getting at is what in the world happened in that two week period? I already know what happened is the drugs. When I speak about drugs he gets all on the defensive. I am trying to figure out did his mom have some influence on him at all b/c she is a recovering addict also and my ex cooks, cleans, and takes care of those kids and she works and runs around with her boyfriend that's all she does. b/c the last time I was down there my ex me and his mom was in the car together and she told my ex that since he moved back in she was going to have to look for a 3 bedroom, well my ex told her that he was going to get a place with me and the kids, so i am wondering if she said anything to him. My ex isn't able to look for a job b/c he is doing all of this. I really need some help and advice. I love him but I don't know if I want to live the rest of my life like this. He told me that he wants to be friends then he said he want us to be together sitting on the bed. He said all he wants is my friendship and company. He is all over the place I have been with this man for 6 years. On top of all that 2 weeks ago when I was down there we had sex. I haven't gotten my period and I could be pregnant by him. When he told me all this I packed me and my kids S*** and got out of there. I had, had all I could take. I love him, but when he gets on those drugs he is a totally different person. But see gets on them he breaks up with me i guess he doesn't want me to see him like that or something. I just would like for him to get himself together even if we don't ever get back together b/c i want him to be a father to his son b/c his sons mother is deceased that's all I want. Before I left he told me he loved me I kept walking to the car as if I didn't even hear him. I just would like some help and advice on dealing with this situation. thanks
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Chicago area
Posts: 4,269
Welcome to SR. There are serveral stickies at the top of this page. I highly recommend " What addicts do".
It certainly sounds like he is not done with drugs. That's his choice.
Addiction is progressive. It will get worse. Parenthood is not a cure for addiction.
Only you can decide if you are done with the never-ending Mr. Toad's Wild Wild, that comes with active addiction.
If all it took was love to cure an addict, none of us would be here. If there was a cure, none of us would be here.
It certainly sounds like he is not done with drugs. That's his choice.
Addiction is progressive. It will get worse. Parenthood is not a cure for addiction.
Only you can decide if you are done with the never-ending Mr. Toad's Wild Wild, that comes with active addiction.
If all it took was love to cure an addict, none of us would be here. If there was a cure, none of us would be here.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Wishin' I was on the Beach!
Posts: 1,415
Welcome to SR, Michelle.
Addiction is progressive... if he's not in active recovery things are only going to get worse than they already are. Many of us have been through H*ll when trying to leave after standing by our A many years. Thank him for giving you this easy opportunity to walk away. Put the focus back on YOU and your children's happiness. You deserve so much more than this.
(((HUGS)))
Addiction is progressive... if he's not in active recovery things are only going to get worse than they already are. Many of us have been through H*ll when trying to leave after standing by our A many years. Thank him for giving you this easy opportunity to walk away. Put the focus back on YOU and your children's happiness. You deserve so much more than this.
(((HUGS)))
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 1,294
Welcome!
In all honesty, I can hardly think with all the WAVING AND SHRIEKING RED FLAGS in your post.
My own recovery pathway has taught me that when I see red flags, I don't need to figure out a way around them, I need to turn the opposite direction and walk away from them.
Why? Because I can't change them, and I can't fix them, and I don't need to be around them until and unless they are GONE.
Why would you want to jump back into such a chaotic and unstable scene, where you are SURE to be very hurt and damaged by this person?
CLMI
In all honesty, I can hardly think with all the WAVING AND SHRIEKING RED FLAGS in your post.
My own recovery pathway has taught me that when I see red flags, I don't need to figure out a way around them, I need to turn the opposite direction and walk away from them.
Why? Because I can't change them, and I can't fix them, and I don't need to be around them until and unless they are GONE.
Why would you want to jump back into such a chaotic and unstable scene, where you are SURE to be very hurt and damaged by this person?
CLMI
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 8
Cynical One you are absolutely right. He has absolutely nothing to offer me and my children and I know he knows that and I know it to. What the problem was when he begged me to take him back. I should've gave it more time basically for him to work on himself which means getting in to a recovery program and doing what he is suppose to do to become a productive member of society. You are right he is 30 years old he needs to get it together and I realize that he won't do this until he has a strong plan of action. I knew when I walked out that door that things isn't going to get better for him until he gets himself some help. That's why I am on this site to educate myself b/c when i met him I knew he was an A but I really wasn't educated. Now I have time to educate myself and see if this is something I want to have in my life with my kids. I love this man, but I also love him enough to let him go. Everything I do I look out for the best interest of my children. So thank you. I appreciate you for what you have told me.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 8
Ray Of Sunshine, I do look at the aspect of him giving me the opportunity to walk away b/c he could've tried to bring me and my children down with him. He also knows that I am not going to enable him to do drugs at all and he knows I will not put up with that so that's why he broke things off with me. You know Ray when he left me the first time and he did it this time it didn't hurt that much. I know as or right now I can't trust him, I will not allow anyone to hurt me and my babies. I am glad I found this site so I can reevaulate whether or not I want to ever have him in my life even if he goes to rehab. So thank you Ray Of Sunshine!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 8
Hello Cat Lover,
Thank you for your input. I am well aware of the red flags which I admitted when I posted my story. I know exactly what he is doing. But I have always been around him when he was clean and sober when he wants to"use" like for example when he left me in 2007 with that 19 year girl he moved out and moved in with her. He broke up with me. He has never stole from me or any of that b/c he knows I will not tolerate it. Just like labor day weekend when I went down there I was aware of the red flags and he knew I knew what he was doing that's why he broke up with me and said he wanted to be friends and was coming up with all the excuses. I have been living my life to the fullest he contacted me a couple of weeks ago begging me to take him back and for us to be a family. What I should've did was not have taken him back until he got himself into a recovery program, got himself stable and proved to me that he was done with the drugs and truly wanted to be a family. That is what I should've done, but through this site I learned from my mistakes. At this point he has no intentions of going to rehab that isn't the closest thing to his mind, I realize that... and until he gets tired of being sick and tired his life will spiral downwards. I appreciate that he broke up with me instead of him keeping me and my kids in his life and take us through a whole lot of mess which I wasn't going to stay for him to do. I love him. I know right now isn't the time for us to be together. Since I left I haven't heard from him, b/c he knows I know what he is doing. That is his life not mine. In life we make choices, I made a choice to take him back and with choices their comes consequences. As far as the "unstable scene" he had told me that he was getting himself together and he wanted to be a family which now, and I am sure that was kind of his intentions, but that was 2 weeks ago. The second time I went to see him that was a different story b/c he had started actively using, I already know, I admit this, this was my mistake. I am correcting myself by moving on. Will it be easy? No but I have to put my best foot forth and push on with my life.
Thank you for your input. I am well aware of the red flags which I admitted when I posted my story. I know exactly what he is doing. But I have always been around him when he was clean and sober when he wants to"use" like for example when he left me in 2007 with that 19 year girl he moved out and moved in with her. He broke up with me. He has never stole from me or any of that b/c he knows I will not tolerate it. Just like labor day weekend when I went down there I was aware of the red flags and he knew I knew what he was doing that's why he broke up with me and said he wanted to be friends and was coming up with all the excuses. I have been living my life to the fullest he contacted me a couple of weeks ago begging me to take him back and for us to be a family. What I should've did was not have taken him back until he got himself into a recovery program, got himself stable and proved to me that he was done with the drugs and truly wanted to be a family. That is what I should've done, but through this site I learned from my mistakes. At this point he has no intentions of going to rehab that isn't the closest thing to his mind, I realize that... and until he gets tired of being sick and tired his life will spiral downwards. I appreciate that he broke up with me instead of him keeping me and my kids in his life and take us through a whole lot of mess which I wasn't going to stay for him to do. I love him. I know right now isn't the time for us to be together. Since I left I haven't heard from him, b/c he knows I know what he is doing. That is his life not mine. In life we make choices, I made a choice to take him back and with choices their comes consequences. As far as the "unstable scene" he had told me that he was getting himself together and he wanted to be a family which now, and I am sure that was kind of his intentions, but that was 2 weeks ago. The second time I went to see him that was a different story b/c he had started actively using, I already know, I admit this, this was my mistake. I am correcting myself by moving on. Will it be easy? No but I have to put my best foot forth and push on with my life.
grateful rca
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: atlanta, ga.
Posts: 4,671
hi and welcome. you sound like a pretty smart cookie. i think you are doing the right thing and i agree with the others. i know you love him but like you said, sounds like he has nothing to offer you and your kids. i think you are protecting yourself and your kids by moving on. it will only get worse unless he does something to help himself and from the looks of it, he has a very long way to go. on top on all the rest, i think if he left you once for a girl, he may just do it again one day. are you willing to live this way for the rest of your life? i'm praying for you. your kids and for him.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 8
Hello, thank you Teke. Well I met him in 2004 he was in a recovery house. He moved out in 2007 with her that's when he relapsed b/c it was no way I was going to allow him to stay in here and he was "actively using". He moved out and move in with her and they both were using. And you are right things aren't going to get better until he makes a change and I hope one day he realizes that. I knew why he left me for her I didn't do what he was doing so he found someone he could actively use with. Plus she was supplying and paying for his usage. The question I am going have to find the answer to is if I am going to have an "A" in my life and my kids lives. Thank you for praying for me, my kids, and my ex and I will do the same for your family as well Teke.
grateful rca
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: atlanta, ga.
Posts: 4,671
i had the same experiences as you when i met my ah yrs ago and it took me 21 yrs, more kids and nearly losing my sanity before i realized that i should have thought closer about what i wanted for the rest of my life. i just pray that you don't have to go through all that i have and end up thinking maybe about what i should have done yrs ago. thanks for your prays too.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 8
Hi, Teke,
If I have did anything in this situation I tried, and I gave him a second chance. He had a choice to get himself together,be a family, and be a member or society. Or...be an active user. He chose to be an active user. He made that choice, He isn't hurting me b/c I will not put up with that. My sanity isn't going anywhere b/c I know God. He has brought me this far and he sees my works and as long as I am doing right he will take me the rest of the way b/c of my faith. That is why I am re evaluating myself to see if this is something that I want to end up a A. I am a strong believer in God. I believe if my ex goes to God asks for forgiveness and help God will show him the way. God doesn't want us to have him to do everything for us that is why he gives us common sense to know right from wrong. That's why the choice is up to him what he wants to do, not me I DIDN'T CAUSE THIS, I CAN'T CONTROL THIS, AND I SURELY CAN'T CURE THIS!! I pray for him everyday that he gets his life together that is all I am going to do, I will not do anymore and I mean that.
If I have did anything in this situation I tried, and I gave him a second chance. He had a choice to get himself together,be a family, and be a member or society. Or...be an active user. He chose to be an active user. He made that choice, He isn't hurting me b/c I will not put up with that. My sanity isn't going anywhere b/c I know God. He has brought me this far and he sees my works and as long as I am doing right he will take me the rest of the way b/c of my faith. That is why I am re evaluating myself to see if this is something that I want to end up a A. I am a strong believer in God. I believe if my ex goes to God asks for forgiveness and help God will show him the way. God doesn't want us to have him to do everything for us that is why he gives us common sense to know right from wrong. That's why the choice is up to him what he wants to do, not me I DIDN'T CAUSE THIS, I CAN'T CONTROL THIS, AND I SURELY CAN'T CURE THIS!! I pray for him everyday that he gets his life together that is all I am going to do, I will not do anymore and I mean that.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Ontario
Posts: 19
Hi Michele. Welcome. I am also new here. I was going through different areas when i came across this thread. As you can see, you are not alone here. Loving an addict is a very difficult thing.
When I met my current boyfriend, nearly 2 years ago, I had no idea for the first few months that he was using. When i found out, i tried so hard to keep him clean, and show him support. I baked cakes for each month, and thought that these things, my love and support were enough to keep him strong. All the while, he still continued to use. I knew something was wrong, because the mood swings were absolutely intolerable, but i thought it was withdrawl. Unlike you, I don't have children, and being around him was taking me down very quickly. It took a while for me to see that all the while I was trying to "support and love him", I had actually forgotten about myself, and where I needed to be. We parted ways for nearly a year. In that time, he managed to clean himself up, and we are trying again. The only difference? I will not forget about me. Sure, there is a chance he will slip up, and its a fear that i live with. But I don't let it consume me anymore. I just try and take it day by day.
In order to do that, though, I had to find some strength and walk away until he was ready. I have found that addicts will say anything you want to hear to avoid confrontation, or to try and butter you up. Its all about them. The sad thing is they can't see it. And that is what broke my heart the most.
I wish you luck on your journey. Take good care of yourself and your children. Keep up your strength, and I too, will send some prayers your way. God Bless.
When I met my current boyfriend, nearly 2 years ago, I had no idea for the first few months that he was using. When i found out, i tried so hard to keep him clean, and show him support. I baked cakes for each month, and thought that these things, my love and support were enough to keep him strong. All the while, he still continued to use. I knew something was wrong, because the mood swings were absolutely intolerable, but i thought it was withdrawl. Unlike you, I don't have children, and being around him was taking me down very quickly. It took a while for me to see that all the while I was trying to "support and love him", I had actually forgotten about myself, and where I needed to be. We parted ways for nearly a year. In that time, he managed to clean himself up, and we are trying again. The only difference? I will not forget about me. Sure, there is a chance he will slip up, and its a fear that i live with. But I don't let it consume me anymore. I just try and take it day by day.
In order to do that, though, I had to find some strength and walk away until he was ready. I have found that addicts will say anything you want to hear to avoid confrontation, or to try and butter you up. Its all about them. The sad thing is they can't see it. And that is what broke my heart the most.
I wish you luck on your journey. Take good care of yourself and your children. Keep up your strength, and I too, will send some prayers your way. God Bless.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 8
Hello One Life,
Thank you so much for your words of encouragement. But in my situation I am not playing that game with him. I don't want him to get "comfortable" with me taking him back. What I mean is he will get clean and then 6 months later he is back actively using. Then when he slips up he feels like he can come on back to Michelle "she will take me back every time". I will not tolerate it! I refuse to live like that. Just like I told him and I am telling you and this Sober Recovery Board everything that I do I will always look out for the best interest of my children. The only one I don't put before my children that is Jesus Christ. NO ONE. I can't sit her on this board as say that if my ex has a plan of action and sticks with it and goes into a rehab program and completes it that I won't take him back down the road, only God knows what the future will hold for us. But presently this is where I get off the bus. I got to keep going, he hurt me. What ever he has done he has to answer to God for. I pray for him every night and will do so every night faithfully. You can't help who you love and I still love my ex and he is an addict. O wish you all the best with your boyfriend and I will definitely keep you in my prayers, God Bless You As Well.
Thank you so much for your words of encouragement. But in my situation I am not playing that game with him. I don't want him to get "comfortable" with me taking him back. What I mean is he will get clean and then 6 months later he is back actively using. Then when he slips up he feels like he can come on back to Michelle "she will take me back every time". I will not tolerate it! I refuse to live like that. Just like I told him and I am telling you and this Sober Recovery Board everything that I do I will always look out for the best interest of my children. The only one I don't put before my children that is Jesus Christ. NO ONE. I can't sit her on this board as say that if my ex has a plan of action and sticks with it and goes into a rehab program and completes it that I won't take him back down the road, only God knows what the future will hold for us. But presently this is where I get off the bus. I got to keep going, he hurt me. What ever he has done he has to answer to God for. I pray for him every night and will do so every night faithfully. You can't help who you love and I still love my ex and he is an addict. O wish you all the best with your boyfriend and I will definitely keep you in my prayers, God Bless You As Well.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
