Iwanttoheal

Oh dear - I just went to my first Al-Anon meeting tonight.

I arrived early, the AA meeting was being run at the same time (obviously in a different room) - it was well attended, 20-30 people.

The Al-Anon meeting was me and one other. She explained that there was usually only three who attended regularly but the other two weren't there tonight because school starts tomorrow - ahhh., that explains it then.

There was no meeting but we did have a chat.

I gave a little of my history and her responses made my heart sink. Alcoholism is a disease, my mother and father weren't responsible, it was the disease's fault. My brother is ill (no sh*t Sherlock). I'm trying very hard not to make snap judgements but let's just say given tonight, I don't know if this is going to be for me.

I brought up codependency and she looked at me as if I had horns but it's all because of alcoholism, the disease she says.

So I need to get my head around the fact that Al-Anon is about me and my healing not what the other people in the meeting think about codependency or ACAOs being abuse victims - or in this womans case, denial of both of these issues - I'm sorry but I just saw and heard my own Mum sitting before me.

I'm not giving up, I will give it another couple of goes to see how the meeting are run, so fingers crossed.

I have a problem though - this is it for Al-Anon. I live on a small UK off-shore island. Our island popn is 60,000 and this is my lot.

I may have to investigate online versions of Al-Anon - so any suggestions in this area gratefully received.

tromboneliness

A lot of Al-Anons say that, and it makes me want to hit them with one of these:



Alcoholism is a disease in the sense that certain people process alcohol differently from us "normies" -- this has been shown in research at the University of Chicago and other places, where they've found that the brains and livers of alcoholics work differently -- alcohol has a deeper effect on some people's brains than others. That's why they're "alcoholics."

That does not mean "They can't help their behavior, it's not their fault, you just have to sit there and take it," etc. Being an alcoholic is a disease -- being an a****** is not. How an alcoholic chooses to deal with his/her own situation... that is a separate issue, and a lot of Al-Anons don't get it, in my experience.

We usually suggest trying a few different Al-Anon meetings -- if there aren't any others, you can find an open AA meeting and go there. Just say, "My name is so-and-so, and I'm in recovery from a lot of things." (That's the catch-all I use, when I go to an open AA meeting.) You will find help, if you try a few meetings, of whatever kind are available on the island.

A diagnosis of alcoholism does not let the alcoholic off the hook for that they do to you. You'll hear people say, "it's like diabetes or cancer -- they didn't choose to become alcoholics, it's a disease." Well, ya -- it is. But a diabetic or a cancer patient can't choose to go into recovery and fix the problem. An alkie can -- and if they don't, they're just being a... well, whatever epithet you want to use. Or you can use one of these, if you want:

T

DesertEyes

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Wonderful peeps there, and much more understanding than the one lady you met.

Mike

takincareome

Yeah, IWTH, I'm still struggling with al-anon too, for many of the same reasons. Thank you for your post, tromboneliness. I'm with you 100 percent. Alcoholism is a disease because alcoholics are addicted to alcohol. But that doesn't let anybody off the hook. Not for anything.

I'm sorry to hear that your options are limited where you live. Try it a few times, but if it's not for you, it's not for you. You could always order some literature and hold your own "meetings" through meditation, journaling and such. That would tailor things specifically to your needs and you won't have to listen to any such crap.

Thanks for the link, Mike. I'm going to check that out too.

GiveLove

My first Al-Anon meeting was not great either, iwanttoheal. I was almost sick from the disappointment. But you can take a deep breath and let that experience go too. It is what it is, and your heart says you need something different. Follow it.

I got over the "cravings" through work, exercise, other interests that kept my mind busy, time spent in the company of kindred spirits, journaling, and personal counseling. It was important to me to keep my mind and body very busy, even uncomfortably so, so I'd fall into bed exhausted at night.

Remember that this difficult time is temporary.....if you are not an anorexic exerciser, and feel that exercising a lot FOR THE MOMENT will help to keep your mind busy and generate lots of endorphins to help you get through this withdrawal period, I wonder if that is a bad thing? It was during the worst of these spells that I became an "Adult Onset Exerciser" and even after the cravings passed, I continued to use that tool often in other areas...it's become a permanent part of my toolbox.

It is always surprising to me how much like addicts we are. But on the good side, we can borrow from their playbook to get through times like this.

Hugs,
GL

Iwanttoheal

You guys are all great, thank you so much for all your posts, it means a lot. :ghug2

A much better day, today. I did bring something back from the Al-Anon meeting "Just for today".

So just for today I am going to give myself a break. I've been saying that all day today, it has worked, I've given myself a break. I have come a long, long, long way in two weeks so today has been a well-earned rest.

My sense of humour kicked back in today, it's gone walkabout for the last week, so it was nice to welcome it back. That poor woman at Al-Anon, she must have thought she was onto an early night. And then.... in walks me.... the psycho with an open festering wound of pain and poison pouring out her mouth. She had such an uncomfortable experience :rotfxko

That's good advice there GiveLove. I guess I've been feeling that the only thing to do is sit here and "go through it" - a little bit of martyrdom creeping in there IWTH - hmnnnn. I can be very compulsive in my behaviour (what an ACAO with compulsive tendencies - never, I here you cry) so I have been very careful not to throw myself into anything but.... that doesn't mean to say I should sit here contemplating my naval!! I'm not at work at the moment, I'm a temporary worker - sorry don't know what the American equivalent is - contract worker??? So, I think it's time for me to get back into decorating the house.

Look after yourselves everyone,
IWTH xxx