Functional?

Old 09-07-2009, 07:22 PM
  # 1 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 11
Functional?

Happy Labor Day, everyone...

The short question is, how long can one be the so-called functional alcoholic? The alcoholic in question has not had a period of sobriety greater than a few days, and had been drinking very heavily.

I wrote over a month ago that I was debating what to do with an old friend/romance interest who is an alcoholic and was just completely unreliable. Three weeks ago we agreed that as long as he is drinking, all he has to offer me is hurt, and that's not what either of us want. We decided to stop contact and he can reach out when he decides he is serious about recovery. I do miss him, of course, but I realize this is the only option for the moment.

As of May, he had been in in-patient rehab at the behest of his employer, but afterwards still did not think he had a problem. In June, he lost his job, and conceded that perhaps he was an alcoholic, but that he would "rather die than stop drinking." In July, he had periods of a few days of sobriety interspersed with a few episodes of alcohol poisoning. In late July, he finally came to the realization that he wanted to stop drinking. I think he thought that once he put his mind to it, it would happen. In August, he pulled it together enough to get a new job.

He now seems (or when I last saw him) to still want to stop drinking, but isn't there, and seems pretty crushed that he hasn't been able to stop. He realized the pain he was inflicting on those he cared about... so instead of stopping drinking, he's basically cut those people out of his life as much as possible. He has days of not drinking, but I get the definite impression those are in the minority.

Is it possible for someone who was drinking to blackout daily to go back to being a functional alcoholic? If so, how long could he keep this up? It seems like he was sooooo close to bottom before getting the new job, and now that he has the job, he's able to himself that things really aren't that bad. I don't want to see him unemployed again, but I just don't get how he'd be able to focus on getting sober (even if he tried) with things falling back into place.

Thanks in advance, and hope everyone had a good holiday weekend!
hr4644 is offline  
Old 09-07-2009, 07:41 PM
  # 2 (permalink)  
Member
 
ItsmeAlice's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 1,888
We decided to stop contact and he can reach out when he decides he is serious about recovery. I do miss him, of course, but I realize this is the only option for the moment.

Congratulations on made a tough but healthy decision for yourself!

but I just don't get how he'd be able to focus on getting sober (even if he tried) with things falling back into place

He may have to gown back down the rabbit hole and hit his bottom once more, twice more, or a few more times before being sober isn't just about holding down a job and keeping his acquaintances and family from focusing on his drinking but rather really living his life without the affects of alcohol.

I hope you've had a great holiday weekend. I hope you have not spent much time worrying about him as there is nothing you can do to save him from himself.

Much love,
Alice
Is it possible for someone who was drinking to blackout daily to go back to being a functional alcoholic?

Alcoholism is an insidiously progressive disease, so the answer I have is...no.

My EX alcoholic boyfriend cut way back and went back to binge drinking many a time over and is only modestly accepting that he has a problem. As long as he is able to hold down a job and seemingly cope through each day, he won't see it as bad enough to seek treatment.

"rather die than stop drinking."

Sadly I've heard this one before.
ItsmeAlice is offline  
Old 09-07-2009, 07:43 PM
  # 3 (permalink)  
peaceful seabird
 
Pelican's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: floating
Posts: 4,822
I can answer your questions based on my own personal experience. My story is similar to millions of alcoholics.

Alcoholism is progressive. I could cut back for periods of time, even abstain for periods of time. However, there is an invisible line. Once an alcoholic crosses that line: their entire body, mind and soul is addicted. After the body becomes addicted to alcohol, and moderation is attempted, the addiction is just being incubated. It festers below the surface, thriving and waiting. It is just a matter of time before the volume of alcohol increases or another substance is introduced to feed the addiction and the desire to escape.

Not every alcoholic has to lose everything before they turn their life around. I had reached an emotional bottom when I turned my life around. It is possible your friend will see his condition and stop the cycle before he loses another job.

Now, tell me what you are doing for yourself?
Are you attending Alanon meetings?
Are you learning to keep yourself lovingly detached from the active alcoholic?

You show wisdom and strength in recognizing that your friendship can not develop into a relationship while he is actively addicted to alcohol. Good on you!
Pelican is offline  
Old 09-07-2009, 08:58 PM
  # 4 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 11
Thanks to both of you for replying so quickly and insightfully. As far as me - I'm actually doing pretty well. I'm back into my routine of hanging out with friends and being active, and both keep my mind in a good place. Now that I've really understood that a relationship just isn't possible now, I've stopped the constant obsessing of what-is-he-doing, is-he-alive, etc, etc. I do still think about him a lot, and more than anything just wonder how his life will turn out. I'm guessing he wonders the same thing. Honestly, as much as I miss him, life is much less stressful on a day to day basis now that we aren't talking. It would be awesome if someday sooner than later he was able to get his life together, but that's not where the wise money is.

Thanks again for the insight. I can think about him/us rationally for the most part, but there is still that 1% of me that has a strong emotional reaction.
hr4644 is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 02:09 PM.