Bohn05

Spent this weekend trying to figure out if it is me or my alcoholic fiancee. Once again we were suppose to get together (meet in the middle of our 100 mile distance). Friday he must have gotten off early and went to York from Baltimore and I do not get done work until 5:30 pm. At 2:00 pm the text messages started and by 4:00 pm he was mad at me for not being there. I just gave up and told him we would meet Saturday. Somehow for the next two days he was up all night calling and texting and I was sleeping so we did not get together. This morning unknown to me he decides to drive to my house which I has asked him to do this weekend so we did not have to stay in some crappy motel all weekend in York as he brings his dog so we have limited choices. But he told me he does not want to drive that far and he does not feel comfortable at my house??? I was sleeping and did not hear him (I sleep upstairs) and once again got in trouble. Not sure if it is too much to ask to have some kind of communication as to what we are doing and what time? Not sure anymore if it is me or him but we are certainly doing the codependent/alcoholic dance. Of course everything is my fault and maybe it is? Sometimes I do not even want to answer the phone when he calls as it is just usually that he tells me something negative or nasty. Like I wrote earlier maybe I am just subconsciously withdrawing from him??

Pelican

Wow. I'd be thanking divine intervention for protecting me from negative energy, right?

bluejay6

"Not sure if it is too much to ask...."

Bohn, the hard reality is that when one is in relationship with an addict, the addict thinks everything is too much to ask.

You are asking questions as if you are in relationship with a normal person.

He is an alcoholic. Alcohol will control EVERYTHING in your relationship as a result.

The craziness is just going to get worse.

Take care,
Bluejay

Jadmack25

Quote from Pelican: ((Wow. I'd be thanking divine intervention for protecting me from negative energy, right? )).

Heartily agree with Pelican. Maybe you also have the underlying feeling that he is not the man you want, need or desire as a mate, and your inner self is telling you to get out of this negative and toxic relationship.

God bless

Learn2Live

Hi Bohn05,


No one is at fault. There is no one to blame. The dynamic between the alcoholic and us is that THEY need someone to blame. We start to buy into that line of thinking and start to believe that we ARE at fault for everything.

It's hard to not answer it, isn't it? Sometimes it's hard not to call the other person, even though we KNOW we want NO CONTACT from them.

Sounds good to me. It's good to be aware of what you are doing and why, but sometimes, it's best not to look a gifthorse in the mouth.

Barbara52

Maybe its time to do that consciously and definitively? Are you getting anything good out of this relationship?